30 Days of Joy: Day 22/30

Day 22’s Joy – Finding a Camp Chair

As a bigger lady there are a lot of things I see people take for granted that I wish I could take for granted too.  One of those things that most people probably never even think about is sitting in a chair.  Chairs are one of my biggest sources of anxiety because I’m always terrified that when I sit down they are going to break.  I can’t wait for the day when I am light enough not to worry about weight restrictions on anything.  I know that it will be a great joy to be able to take for granted sitting.  With this in mind it is probably not all that surprising that finding a camp chair, that has a high enough weight limit that I will never need to worry, brought me a lot of pure joy yesterday.  It also made me surprisingly emotional and reflective.  Hehe!

I have often avoided things or told myself that I will do that when I’m smaller, lighter, etc.  These thoughts sometimes kept me from looking for ways that I could do things even at my size.  I have come to realize that I felt weirdly like I was giving up on my weight loss goals if I was finding ways to do something.  So for example hunting for a chair with a high weight limit was something I wouldn’t have done a few years ago because if I couldn’t use a regular chair then I wouldn’t use any.  I know it sounds pretty crazy right.  It took a long time to realize that what I was actually doing was punishing myself for not being like everyone else.  Once I started to realize what was going on in my head I started to work to change it.  It is okay to find ways to do what I love, like sitting around a campfire, no matter what size I am because I deserve to be able to live my life doing things I love no matter how I have to do them.

Working on changing my thinking may have helped me find a camping chair yesterday but it has also played a part in many of the other things I have started doing over the last few years.  Everything from taking up running to joining a gym to even just buying myself pretty dresses to wear are all things that have come from reframing how I look at myself.  I have been learning to love myself as I am in this moment, as I was in the past and as the person I’m becoming.  This lesson is quite honestly one of the biggest reasons that I can even attempt to do a 30 day challenge about joy.  This change is probably something that deserves its own blog entry but for now I’ll leave it here in my 30 day challenge.

I truly hope and wish that anyone reading this can find the joy of loving yourself.  Embrace it.  Buy a camping chair or a pretty dress or whatever makes you feel amazing and worthy because you are.  Don’t’ wait for some future version of yourself to embrace yourself.  You are amazing, beautiful and wonderful. 

Yesterday’s entry

Challenge Introduction/Day 1 

30 Days of Joy: Day 21/30

Day 21’s Joy – List Making and Planning

I have learned over the years that planning and list making are not for everyone.  Most people I know would not even think twice about really creating a plan or list for something and tend to wing it.  I however am a planner.  I love an excuse to break out a notepad to create a list or a plan for just about anything.  You may think I’m crazy but planning always brings me a great deal of joy and satisfaction.  I plan a lot of things in my life from my daily routines, to my scrapbooks but the best of all is getting to plan for a trip.  That is what brought my joy yesterday.

I’m getting ready to head off to camp with a friend and her kids.  I love camping but it just isn’t something that is much fun doing solo and the friends I typically travel with are not campers so it’s been a while since I had an excuse to break out my tent.  I actually think that the last time I went camping was about 12 years ago.  So with this upcoming trip I spent a bunch of time yesterday off and on planning and getting ready for it.  It started in the morning with some list making as I created a meal plan (smokies and s’mores baby…hehehe) and wrote out my packing list. 

The fun continued as I went hunting through the house and garage to see what camping supplies I actually have.  The best part of this was actually finding a tent that we thought had gone missing.  It’s a small family tent that is easy to set up and a decent size.  It thrills me to find it.  I wasn’t looking forward to trying to figure out how to set up an unknown tent.  Knowing the tent hadn’t been set up in ages I pulled it out and put it up to make sure it was in good condition.  I think the best part was in seeing the tent set up because it totally amped up my excitement.  Now there really isn’t anything in the way of this camping trip, or any future ones.

In the end, while a day of putting together the pieces needed for a successful trip might not be considered all that joyful by most, to me yesterday was a pretty perfect day.  I went to bed feeling the excitement of the pending trip.  Having all the parts and pieces in place makes my soul sing.  Making lists and planning might not be for everyone but it is one of the things that really fills me up and brings me joy.  Sharing this 30 day challenge reminds me that it’s always best to embrace the things that I love regardless of what other people may think.  Life is better when you follow you heart.

Saturday's Joy

Challenge Introduction/Day 1 

30 Days of Joy: Day 19&20/30

I didn’t have time to write an entry this morning because I had an early start to get to my Weight Watchers meeting and then to the gym.  It worked out for the best though because I’m really excited to write about today’s joy and Friday’s was pretty simple.  So once again I will combine two days together for this entry.

Day 19’s Joy – Homemade Real Iced Tea (Friday Jul 6)

Friday was the hottest day we have had of the year so far.  I don’t do well with heat, it has a tendency to leave me feeling a little cranky.  I knew finding joy was going to be a challenge so I opted for something simple.  When I got home from work I broke out my tea press.  I filled it with one of my favourite teas (watermelon) and a tray of ice.  Once the iced tea was made I headed out to sit on my front step.  I sipped the tea while watching my cat explore the driveway.  It was a pretty low key version of joy but it was an excellent start to my weekend.

Day 20’s Joy – Dance Like No One is Watching, Part 2 (Saturday Jul 7)

I had picked today’s activity as a source of my joy when I first started this challenge.  I wasn’t sure when I would squeeze it in but I knew that I wanted to try.  Today’s joy came in the form of an amazing workout doing a Zumba class that my gym offers.  I nearly chickened out of doing it but I’m so glad that I pushed myself to go in spite of my nerves and fears.

Although I have been a part of an exercise class before it is not my favourite thing in the world.  I tend to feel self-conscious and get stuck in my head thinking about all the things other people must think seeing me.  Of course over the years I have learned that the majority of people, if they are even looking at me at all, are actually more willing to cheer me on rather than any of the negative things I assume that they think about me.  Anyway two years ago my then trainer (now friend) convinced me to do this same Zumba class.  I felt brave having someone do it with me so it felt less nerve wracking.  What I remember the most about this first time doing the class was that as tough as it was I had a smile the whole time.  It was the memory that made me want to try it again in hopes of recreating the moment.

I got to the gym early so I hopped on the treadmill and did my usual 30 minutes before the Zumba class was supposed to start.  Knowing that I had already done a work out, added to the fact I was enjoying a conversation with a couple of the trainers, I started to think about not doing the class and just heading home.  From the weight floor you can see into the gym and the class didn’t look very full.  I was worried about standing out.  But in the end I summoned my courage and told myself that as long as I can start the class I will be okay.  I headed down and found a spot in the back.  At first I was super aware of everyone around me but by the time the first song was over I didn’t care.  I spent the next hour attempting to not trip over my feet, move my hips and keep some sort of rhythm.  It was fantastic.

There is a lot to be gained from doing something that is outside of your box.  I’m really trying to embrace the idea of doing things that scare me and push me.  I don’t really have the right words to describe the level of joy, excitement and pure sassy confidence that I felt during the class as well as all day since it.  The smile I found within the gym walls has been plastered on my face all day. 

I hope that everyone can find something that makes them feel as amazing and wonderful as Zumba did for me today.

Yesterday’s entry

Challenge Introduction/Day 1