There May Still Be Hope For Humans Yet

I know I wasn't going to write again until after I get back from BC but I just had an experience that I wanted to share. I headed to Walmart after work to pick up a few things and check out the Christmas stuff. While walking down a toy aisle I came across a mom and her two children. The older of the two girls loudly said "That girl is really fat." My heart fell and even though she was young and I know they don't really understand social conventions of not saying things like that it still stings. The good thing though is unlike most of the time when I hear things like this her mom had her apologize to me and explained that saying things like that hurt people feelings. Her mom was not tiny but I suppose that is probably why she said something. It did make me feel a bit better though that at least some children are being taught the right lessons. It wasn't done yet. While I was chatting with an old friend at the front of the store they came back and gave me some flowers and once again said they were sorry. I of course said it was ok and that there was no need for the flowers but it really was a sweet gesture.

I can't lie and say that it didn't change my mood. I long for the day when I'm like everyone else, when I can go to a store and not be noticed. Moments like this make it hard to see how far I have already come. I know I'm on the right path but it still seems like I have so far to go. There are times when I think maybe I should just take the easy way out and go have surgery done to be done with this journey sooner. I know deep down though I have to do it the hard way. It is the journey and days like today that will help me keep the weight off once I have lost it. The funny thing is that although I want to go unnoticed when I have lost my weight I also know it will never happen because I am determined to be out there so people know it is possible and that it can be done. For now I just have to keep on plugging away and using incidents like this to motivate me to change rather than to let them pull me down and back into my old habits.

What a Week

Since I last wrote I have been keeping myself pretty busy. I bought a brand new laptop that I'm still getting used to. They keyboard is more spaced out than my last laptop so it's almost like learning to type all over again. Work has been full of it's usual drama. And this weekend I spent time with my nan and went to Stage West. So because I have lots of thoughts going on in my head this entry will be a bit of a hodge podge of stuff. I don't have a clear goal tonight but felt like writing so here I am.

I think I'll start with Stage West. Today was the first show of our season tickets and I was blown away. We saw Tuesdays with Morrie which is based on a book that I think I need to read now. Anyway it was starring Jamie Farr, the actor that played Clinger on MASH so I was excited. I have been a huge MASH fan for as long as I can remember. I remember standing in the hallway by the bathroom looking down the hall when I was supposed to be in bed watching my parents watching it when I was young. Alan Alda was one of my first crushes (yes I know I really always have liked older men..hehehe). Anyway when Jamie first came on stage and smiled you wouldn't even know that he is like 30 years older. I mean sure he looks it but at the same time he didn't. I don't know how to explain it. Anyway the play was phenomenal. I don't normally cry in live theatre but I did in this one. It wasn't all out sobbing but the tears were running down my cheeks. I think it is the best play I have seen in a while. It made me think about the people in my life that have touched me, especially the teachers I have loved. It also made me think about death and mortality. It was a thought provoking play, not the usual Stage West play but it was so worth it. The only thing that is a bit disappointing is that today was closing day. If our season tickets were earlier in the season I'm pretty sure i would have gone to see the play again.

Yesterday was equally as good. I took dinner over to my Nan's house and spent the afternoon and evening with her looking through old photos and scanning pictures. We also spent a lot of time just talking. I love listening to her stories. At 91 she has lived a lot of life and has a lot of stories to tell. As she looks at the pictures you can see the memories come back and the stories come out. I could listen to her talk for hours. We also got talking about history and I realized just how much she has seen in 91 years. A lot of the historical events that I have studied she has lived through. It is amazing to think how many changes she has seen and how many things she has lived through. I mean I think about some of what she saw in her first 30 years, things like the great depression, WWII and moving to Canada as a war bride. Compared to what I have seen and done in my 30 years it feels like I haven't done anything. It made me wonder what it would be like if I lived to be 90. If I had a grandchild what would they think about what I have done and seen. I don't think that my generation if we live that long will have near as many distinguishing features. Of course in talking with Nan it's not like she thought that things would be this different as she was growing up either. It's funny how time can look to different people at different points in life.

Throughout my busy weekend I have also spent a great deal of my time at home just relaxing and reading a new book. It's written by Ryan Buell about Paranormal State and his journey. The show is one i have been watching since I got cable and I love it. I bought the book on Friday and haven't put it down. I have been reading all weekend. The subject of the book aside (something I could probably talk about in a blog entry all on its own) I think that I needed a weekend like this. It has been a long time since I did any major reading. I have always loved to read and I guess I just let myself get so busy sometimes I don't do the things I love.

All and all it was a great weekend, one of the best I have had in a long time. Sadly though as tonight came the dread of work has come back. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I struggled last week with decisions that are being made by management. Ultimately it doesn't matter what I think and I shouldn't care but it is hard to walk away sometimes. The good news is that this week is a short week for me. I'm heading off to visit my parents for a long weekend in hopes of catching the salmon run. I'm hoping that the time off will help me get my head on straight and put me in the right frame of mind for job searching and for being able to deal with everything at work until something else pans out.

Anyway I likely won't write next weekend but anyone who is reading this please remember to take a few moments this week to remember the past on Remembrance Day. We owe a lot to the people that fight wars for us, even if we don't necessarily believe that all wars should be fought. Especially take the time to remember those people who fought in the two world wars because as they all get older there are fewer of them around to remind us of what once was. I strongly believe it is extremely important to remember who they were and what they fought for in hopes that maybe one day we will learn from them and be able to find a way to live in peace.