Sometimes the Stars Line Up

The older I get the more I am really starting to believe things happen for a reason.  Some people would argue that it is just coincidences or that we see reason behind the things we want to see reason behind but today once again I was confronted the idea that sometimes things are just meant to be.  We may not always get it or understand what is going on but sometimes we are just in the right spot at the right time.

It was announced today that Alberta Health Services is withdrawing the lease on the Holy Cross Center which sadly means that I will be changing work locations.  We don’t have any details or know where we are going but I will admit it stresses me out a little bit.  I have struggled the past few months with the longer commute time and the fear that now it will be permanent or god forbid it might even be longer depending on where we move.  This has me questioning everything from what I value to what I’m willing to sacrifice for a paycheck.  The reality is questioning my job and my role there is not something new – this has just added a new level to the questions.  It is just another thing on the con side of the list.

The good news in all of this is that instead of being at work and dealing with the drama that is no doubt unfolding there I am still on holidays.  Being at Rosebud right now is probably the very best thing for me.  I don’t have to listen to all the rumours or deal with other people who have the same questions I do.  Not only that but as the only guest in the Inn tonight I have a quiet place to relax, unwind and begin the process of sorting everything out.  If I was at home not only would I be dealing with all the rumours and craziness but I also have my parents visiting so time on my own would not be as easily found.  No matter what goes on in my life being on my own has always been the only way I can actually sort through and deal with anything that causes me stress.  Being alone allows me the freedom to let my brain just run without having to filter the emotions that come with it.  There is nothing worse than trying to sort stuff out with a bunch of people asking you if you are okay when you have that far away distant look on your face.  So being away is a blessing in disguise.  This trip has been planned for probably 6 months or more but it certainly couldn’t have happened at a better time.

The other thing that sort of hit me as being random and maybe meant to be about the timing of the announcement is that last night I found myself questioning things.  I was sitting watching a gorgeous sunset at Horsethief Canyon.  This canyon is amazing and beautiful.  It made me feel small and yet connected to our world.  I was the only person there and with nothing to do but watch the sun slowly sink over the horizon my brain was free to wander.  I don’t necessarily know what my thoughts are on god and religion but I was asking questions of myself and/or someone that may have been listening.  The main question I was asking is if it was time for me to move on at work?  I don’t have an answer to this question but it is funny that things that could help sway my choice happened the next day.  Sure you can argue coincidence but again more and more I think sometimes things are just meant to be.  Of course reading it as a sign is probably a bit of stretch for where my brain is at right now but it is funny how things happen.

Of course now the question is what do I make of everything that is happening?  Thankfully I guess I’m still very logical when it comes to working things out and that means that although the day is coming when I’m going to have to decide once and for all if I want to continue to work where I am or if I’m going to try and find something new, I am not going to have to make that decision right away.  I do think that it means it is time to really consider what I want, what I’m looking for and what would really make me happy.  It is probably also time to pull out my resume and make sure that it is actually up to date.

The world is full of questions and I guess I have found a few more to add to my list.  So for tonight I guess it was enough to just write about it and get it off my chest and out in the world.  Now I shall sit back and enjoy the quiet of the sleepy little town of Rosebud.  I will listen to the crickets and continue work on my novel banishing all the heavy thoughts until I return back to Calgary and am forced to deal with them head on.

Ready for a Slower Pace

The only way I know how to describe this summer is strange.  It has been hectic and crazy and now as we enter the last week before September (where did summer go anyway?)  I am finally getting a chance to slow down.  Sure it took running away to Rosebud but even after only a few hours here I already feel my mind slowing and my body relaxing.  I see yoga poses and long walks in my future J

As I was driving out I realized the best way to describe how I had been feeling is the way you do after a really crazy day.  The type of day where it is go go go until you finally get to lay down in your bed at the end of the night.  You don’t realize how crazy the day has been until exhausted you sink into your pillow and mattress.  The past two months have been go go go for me and I’m hoping that this week at Rosebud will be like laying down for the night.  (Go figure that I would think of sleeping when I get to Rosebud when one of my favourite things at the B&B is the beds…hehehe)  I am already anticipating that feeling of everything melting away.

Things in my real world have been pretty crazy since Calgary flooded.  My office is still displaced from our building and it looks like we will be until at least December.  My Nan ended up in the hospital which probably isn’t that shocking when you consider she is 94 but the fact that I have never in my life really known her to be sick at all was scary.  She is back at home now and doing better though so that’s good.  She is probably the subject of a blog entry I should write one day all on her own.  Added to that is some uncertainty that came with the end of Creative Memories (and soon the start of a new company).  Of course there has also been a lot of great things like my BC vacation and Mondays off which gave me time to do some fun things with friends.  The one thing all of it has in common is that it has kept me very busy and kept my mind spinning, leaving little time to work on writing or anything really creative.

It is funny to me how quickly we can move at times dealing with situations and not realizing the toll it is taking on us or the changes it is creating.  I realized the minute I sat down after unpacking and settling into my room how the last few months have changed me.  As I sat there with a whole week of nothing stretching in front of me I felt like I should be doing something.  That is when it clicked that no I have nothing to do but slow down and relax.  Yes I brought my novel with me and I plan on writing it and yes I have some digital scrapbook stuff to finish up but for the first time in a long time I realized that it was okay for me to just sit down and stare out the window and let the world spin on by.

There are a lot of things I love about Rosebud but as I looked out the window what made me feel amazing is that there were no cars, no road noise (just some crickets) and no one needing my attention.  It is the perfect place for me to get away to because it is so close to home and yet it feels like it is another world.  I can connect to my life if I want or I can ignore it and get lost in a good book or with a pen in my hand.  I’m so ready for this recharge.  I look forward to the inspiration that will come with it.