Comfort Zone

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” is a quote that I very much try to live by.  I also believe that the only way to grow and move forward is by pushing yourself out of the comfort zone as often as possible. 

For years I went with the flow and moved through my day to day life doing what I knew, what was easy and what was comfortable.  Life was going well and I couldn’t complain but I started to feel like I wanted more which is when I started to look at my life and decided to try and live with no fear.  This was the start of me learning how to push myself outside of what is comfortable.

Fast forward a few more years and here I am still trying to live by pushing my boundaries.  It is not an easy way to live.  It actually is really hard to always look for boundaries to push through and past. What was once uncomfortable and hard becomes the new normal and if you aren’t careful you are back into a new comfort zone.  I find this especially so when it comes to exercise.  It is really easy to fall into a routine that will get the job done but might not be as challenging.  I have come against this a lot in the last couple of years especially since I really do enjoy routine, repetitive workouts that I can predict and know how my body will react to.  It helps get the weight off and helps build my muscles but it doesn’t really help me grow.  So with wanting to push my boundaries at the gym I decided to join a registered fitness class.

When it comes to working out there are a few things that have always made me nervous.  The first is working out around people.  The second is not being able to do something.  The third is the worry about being judged.  These three things all played major factors in my nervousness to sign up for any classes.  Add to that the fact that being social can be its own challenge for me; group fitness was definitely not something in my comfort zone.  All of these things are why I decided to sign up and just do it.  I knew it would push me out of my comfort zone in major ways.

I do have to admit that I did this whole thing in baby steps.  Part of the reason I think I was able to push this boundary was because my trainer who I had already been working with for a year at the point I joined was the teacher of the class.  She let me drop in and try a couple out and promised that she would help me modify as needed.  She was also amazing enough to let me steal some of her time before the class to go over what was going on so that I could feel a little more prepared going in.  It let me step out of my comfort zone with like my baby toe instead of just jumping out of it.

I have now down the winter and almost finished the spring session of the class and I have to say for the most part I love it.  One of the main reasons that I love it is that even 6 months later I still find that it challenges me every week in different ways. 

Physically it is something different each week.  It is always a hard workout and I have learned that I push myself differently (harder I guess) when there are people around.  I want to prove to myself and to those around me that I’m just as capable as any of them to be able to do whatever exercise that gets thrown our way.  I have done things in that class that had I been given them by my trainer in our one on one sessions I’m pretty sure I would have talked myself and her out of doing.  (Sometimes you just have to shut up and try something before you fight against.)  I have seen a lot of physical growth in the class.  I’m doing things that when I came to the first few I couldn’t.  I am stronger and more able to keep up.  It is true I still need to modify a lot of things but I’m there every week doing my best to keep up.

Socially this class has helped me become more comfortable at the gym working out with people.  The group that does this class are all fantastic wonderful people.  They have been amazing to me since day one.  They have shown me nothing but support.  I still struggle a little sometimes chatting as we wait for class but that is easier as well as I get to know them all better and better.  It has been a great reminder that sometimes the biggest social barrier I have is myself.  If I remember to just be me I get along with most everyone. 

What has been most surprising to me though is how mentally challenging doing this class has been.  This is the one area that I feel like I struggle the most with.  It has actually become the reason I really go to class each week.  I have a very strong perfectionist streak in me.  I get very frustrated with myself when I’m not perfect.  Nothing sets the negative voice off in my brain faster than when I have to do something different than everyone else in class.  It drives me nuts when I can’t do something or can’t find a modification that is close enough that I’m still doing something similar to everyone else.  This has had a couple surprising effects on me.  First it keeps me pushing so that I can get better.  I want to be able to be like everyone else in that class.  I want to be able to do all the exercises and not have to worry about how to tweak it for me.  Second it keeps me recognizing and working on that negative voice.  It is always like a little battle but I always come out feeling stronger for having fought against it and being forced to remind myself that in spite of the challenges the class throws at me I’m still there and doing it.  I’m still getting a great workout in before a lot of people are even awake.  As frustrating as it is, it is also quite affirming.

All in all I’m extremely happy with what has come out of doing my Saturday morning class.  I feel stronger in so many ways.  I have gained a better level of confidence in not only my physical abilities but also in my ability to be able to push myself.  I feel like I can walk into that room each week and hold my own with some pretty talented and fit people.  Pushing myself out of what I know has kept me more open to change.  I think I’m becoming more adaptive and less rigid…although I still have a lot of work to go on that too.  hehehe

I am going to continue to try group fitness.  Of course in the desire to push myself a little more the next goal is to try and do some of the drop in classes at my gym.  They are much bigger and with instructors I don’t always know but I think that I am at the point at least for some of the classes that I know I could do it.  I’m looking forward to a summer of trying to keep pushing myself and my boundaries.  I have big plans for the next 6 months and going forward.  I’m just going to keep on seeing where this journey will take me.

A very proud moment outside of my comfort zone when I learned to trust my body can hold my weight on a physio ball

Not all that attractive but the perfect example of me being able to push through my comfort zone and learn new things

My lovely trainer always pushing me further than I think can go because she believes in me more than I believe in myself sometimes ;-)

Rocky Mountain Soap Woman’s Run 2016

It has been a long time since I felt like I had something to really share in my blog but I had to write about my latest run.  A year ago I did my very first official timed run.  It was a challenge that I wrote about here.  On Sunday I went back out to battle against the course again in what turned out to be an eye opening day and race.  I think this will be a race that I look back on and see as yet another turning point in my journey.

Leading up this race I wasn’t feeling very confident about it.  I definitely didn’t train as much in terms of running leading up to it as I did last year.  My lack of confidence in my ability to do really well meant that I went in with no expectations.  I just wanted to go, have a good time, hopefully run a little and finish.  I knew that I could do the distance but the question was how much I was going to be able to run.  I had vivid memories of the hills and in spite of doing a little hill training I wasn’t feeling confident in my ability to be able to do any better on them.  The last few months have been filled with good intentions but for various reasons my follow through has not been quite up to par, but I will write about that in my next entry. 

The morning of the race I woke up at the crack of stupid (515am) with my usual nerves and excitement.  I was ready for the race to start and be done.  I was in a bit of a weird head space though.  I found myself thinking back over everything and seeing all the things that I hadn’t done in the last few months and was stressing myself out.  I had to take a little time to refocus my brain because I knew if I went out in that state I really would have a hard time of it.  I took a little time to think about the things that I had done right and tried to remind myself that I can’t change the past anyway.  It showed me though that as much as I tried not to care about the race that a part of me, the competitive part of myself, was disappointed in my prep.  This was a huge realization to me.  This was the first time I ever looked back on my journey and really felt like I could have and should have done more.  It helped me set my mind that next time I would try a little harder so that I wouldn’t feel disappointed in myself.

When the time came for the race I wished the two friends, who had surprised me last year, good luck as they decided this year to join me on the walk.  Shortly after they headed out, my trainer and I joined the mass of people moving through the start gate.  The nerves and jitters disappeared.  I settled in to the task at hand and began to walk the race.  Knowing that I didn’t have any concrete goals for this race I made the decision that for this race I would run all the downhill sections.  It may have been a late goal but at least I had something to work towards as I moved through the course. 

Once again this year the positivity that filled the trails was amazing.  So many people cheered me on as they passed by.  Telling me good luck and saying they were proud of me.  It is an incredibly uplifting experience to have so many people cheering you on even as they do their own race.  I was in a great mood and as I moved through the course I could feel that my legs were stronger than last year and the course wasn’t as draining.  Some of that was definitely due to the fact the temperature was a much more pleasant cooler running temp.  LOL.

I managed to jog down all the hills although a couple of the longer ones I didn’t get to quite finish out the whole hill before I had to stop.  I was slow to go up the two major hills on the course.  My breathing was a challenge (which it has been since I got sick last Feb/March) and unlike last year I did have to stop a couple times to actually catch my breath.  It was a little mentally frustrating because in some ways it felt like I was failing.  After though looking back on it I know that a lot of my struggle was because I wasn’t prepared.  It will be better if I do it again next year.

As the race came to an end I did jog across the finish line.  My calf cramped up and threatened to drop me but I pushed through and across the finish line. As I hit it I felt the wave of emotion that I’m coming to expect when I really push myself.  It was fantastic.  I felt the tears well up in my eyes and got a huge rush of pride.

In the end my finish time was 1 minute slower than last year.  I completed the 5k in 1 hour 14 minutes.  I’m actually okay with the slower time for a few reasons.  The first being I was taking photos along the track this year and the second being that I know I ran more than I did last year.  I’m also happy because when I looked at my watch tracker the 1^st, 2^nd and 4^th kilometers were all about 12:45 long which means I have finally found a steady pace.  Last year each km got slower and slower.

In the aftermath of the race, after lunch, I was able to sit down and write in my journal.  I found it very emotional.  I was filled with an overwhelming sense of pride.  I am always proud of what I do and the previous races I have done but I don’t remember ever feeling it at the same level as I did this year.  Maybe it was because my expectations were low or I didn’t really think I could do it but did anyway but for whatever reason I feel like this was the most proud I have ever felt.  I think it was also the first time I really felt like a runner at least during a race.  The last three I have done were definitely more walks than runs. 

This 5K was truly fantastic for me.  It relit my fire and desire for more.  It helped to refocus me and I feel like I have a much better vision of where I want to be going.  This race opened my mind to what is possible and to how much it matters to me.  I want to do better and can’t wait to do it again soon.  In the meantime though here are a few pics from the race.

Rose, Anne, Daisy and myself in a pre-race selfie

More than half way there

The last km always feels the longest - especially when there is a big hill still to deal with

Anne, myself, Daisy and Rose - Woo hoo we made it :-)