The Moment You Realize Life Has Changed

I wish I could say that on this third week of planning and preparing my meals that I was down again but I can’t. Of course I knew going in on Saturday that I would be up, but that is what happens when I don’t really track for three days out of the week. The good news is that in spite of the set back Saturday was a truly amazing day. I came to the realization that my life has changed and that I am no longer the same person I was.

It was a gradual realization as the day went on but all the pieces fell together as I was driving home from a movie. (I’m not sure why these thoughts always occur to me when I’m driving and can’t write them down. It’s really quite frustrating to try and remember all the brilliance while I’m being distracted by driving…hehehe). I realized that I have changed! I am not the same Jill that started this weight loss journey. Things that once tasted good to me don’t, I’m excited about meal planning and I am even realizing that I am somehow inspiring other people – which are all things I have strived to achieve. Like I said it was a pretty amazing day today.

It started first thing in the morning as I was waiting to go to my meeting. Rather than sit and watch tv I pulled out my meal plan sheet to begin to work on the plan for this week. Well as I began to fill in everything I actually lost track of time. As crazy as it may sound I was excited to be creating my meal plan. Last week was tough not just for the lack of tracking but also because I was hitting that point where I know I’m getting bored with my food, which is why I pulled out my meal plan sheet. (On a side note meal plan sheets are just paper that I did on my computer that have spots to write in meals and snacks – nothing fancy just a little tool I put together to help myself.) When I actually write out a plan and can see where repetition lies it becomes easy for me to swap in a different vegetable or fruit, or plan a different dinner to cook to spice things up. I haven’t done a lot of meal plans because it feels like a chore to me. It is one of those things I know I should do because it generally does help me to eat better during the week but it always feels like so much effort. I certainly have never felt excited or eager to do one until I started this week’s on Saturday. It was one of those things that as I rushed out the door I just sort of shrugged my shoulders at.

When I arrived at my Weight Watcher’s meeting I was in a really good mood (which isn’t always the case when I know that I’m going to show a gain). One of the things we usually do at the start of our meetings is to open up the floor to anyone that has any issues or concerns with the program. Sometimes people do and sometimes there is just silence. Saturday however one of the other members asked a really good question that I think all of us have to deal with. “How do you keep yourself motivated even when you have a bad week?” This is a topic that is near and dear to me because I know that my journey is going to be a long one. I’m always looking for new things to keep me moving in the right direction and to keep me excited about what I’m doing. There is one thing that has been pretty constant though for motivating me and that is the back of my bedroom door and so I spoke up to share my idea.

When I first started this journey almost three years ago now I put up a sheet of brown paper on the back of my bedroom door and I began to fill it with quotes, ideas, goals and even some pictures all as a way to keep me motivated. I see it every morning when I open the door and every night when I close it. It has become a great reminder of what I want. There is something powerful about having a visual that you can look at to remind you in an instant what you are after. Well after other suggestions were given our leader asked the member which idea she thought she could and would use and the member said my idea. It filled me with pride. As if that wasn’t enough though a couple of the other regular members also told me and the meeting that they too have started to cut up their veggies ahead of time and bag them into what they call “Jill bags” so that they are ready to go when they need a snack. This is an idea that I shared a few weeks ago in a meeting. It made me realize that I do know the right things to do and if other people can use my tools and be successful then so can I. I want to inspire people and it appears as though I am. It is a pretty great feeling to know. Of course that being said I do have to remember that while I want to inspire others I also have to remember to inspire myself.

With a powerful start to my day I felt ready to take on the world. I had plans to go play bingo with my sister, which is something I haven’t done in a great many months (probably since last fall). One of the things I most look forward to when I go to play bingo is the hall’s chicken fingers and their honey dill dip. I can taste it before I’m there and actually get excited for it. Today was no different. Once I got settled I placed my order and when it arrived I took the first bite and was shocked. It didn’t taste as good as I remembered it. At first I thought maybe I just didn’t chew it enough or something (I know it’s a little crazy but hey that’s me) but low and behold it was the same for all the bites. I did still eat it because it was my lunch but I won’t be in a hurry to buy the same thing next time. I didn’t really think much about it at that moment; I just sort of shrugged it off while I got distracted playing bingo. But of course as I was driving home it matched up well with my thoughts in the car.

While driving home from the theatre when all of these things were starting to be pieced together it started with the fact my stomach was turning and I was feeling ill. I knew right away that it was the popcorn and pop that I had eaten while I watched the movie (and yes before you ask I did track and for those of you curious a large popcorn without butter is approximately 27 points). As my stomach turned I realized that I didn’t want to do this anymore. The popcorn didn’t taste good enough to make up for feeling ill after. My body was telling me exactly what it should have always told me (and really probably was telling me if I was so busy ignoring it). I was finally starting to hear and pay attention to what my body was trying to tell me. This is something that is definitely new to me.

I know myself well enough to know that although I feel this way right now that I will not always avoid chicken fingers and popcorn because there will be a day where I forget how I was feeling on Saturday. Then again my hope in writing this down is that it will stick with me. Saturday was the first day I really felt right to my very core that I wanted to do better for my body and for myself. I am done living the way I have always lived. Now it is time to live the way I always should have been living.