*Series in progress* This entry is part of a series I’m writing
leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first
5K. For more information on this series
check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this
entry. I have also included links at the
end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run
fundraising page.
Whether you love or hate them mirrors are everywhere in our world and
as someone who is working to change how my image looks in the mirror I have
come to learn a valuable lesson, they lie.
Well no that’s not quite true because they do reflect back what is
standing in front of them but what we see is a different story. I have come to realize at least for me when I
look in a mirror my brain puts a filter on it which I have also learned I have
to be careful with because it can play havoc on what I think about myself.
This lesson started to come about as people started to tell me things
like how good I’m starting to look and that they can see I’m losing
weight. I always appreciate it when
people take the time to tell me that but I was finding that I was having a hard
time believing it. When I look in the
mirror I see the same Jill I always see.
It doesn’t matter that the scale has been showing I’ve been losing
weight, I just don’t see it. This is not
a big deal most of the time but if I’m having a bad day and I look in a mirror
there is nothing in the world I want more than to see a different reflection. Logically I know that we see what we want to
see which means on a good day I think hey I’m looking great and on a bad day
all I see is how far I still have to go.
I knew that I had to change this thinking so that I didn’t drive myself
nuts. I knew that I couldn’t stop looking at my reflection because they are
everywhere (including in front of the treadmills where I spend more mornings)
but I knew that I had to change the power they had on me. I came up with two solutions the first was
just to remind myself every time I see my reflection that what I see is not
necessarily the truth. I accept it as an
image but remind myself not to let it affect me emotionally. This in practice is not as easy as it is to
write but I’m working on it.
The second solution was to start taking monthly photos of myself. A picture is still just another type of
reflection but in having the same photos in the same clothes month after month
I can then actually compare the images.
It was in starting to take these pictures that I could actually see what
other people are seeing. If I look at
them one at a time I still don’t see the changes but in being able to compare
them it becomes more and more obvious that I am moving in the right direction.
I also started to focus more on what my clothes and body were telling
me. As the last 6 months have gone by I
have been feeling the changes that I couldn’t see. Dresses that I bought last summer are fitting
looser and hanging better. The signs are
all there that what other people are seeing is the truth so I focus on those
things and let me tell you it has been a huge help. Since making the decision to focus less on
the reflections and more on other things I have had less bad days. It goes back to what I was saying yesterday
about making my brain work for me.
I guess what I really want to say with this entry is don’t let the
reflections you see play a derailing factor in what you are doing. Remember that our eyes are connected to our
brain and our brains work as natural filters to fill in what it thinks we are
seeing. This can be both good and bad
but it shouldn’t control your emotions.
It’s not an easy thing to do but I’m learning to love myself for all
that I am at this moment. There is no
point in being critical of an image we want to see but aren’t. The image in the mirror is beautiful no
matter what it is showing because we are all beautiful. You can’t live for the reflection you used to
see or for the reflection you want to see all you have is the reflection of
now.
To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.
For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out
their page here.
Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries
A journey in accepting myself for who I am now while working on making myself into the person I see in my future.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Strength
*Series in progress* This entry is part of a series I’m writing
leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first
5K. For more information on this series
check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this
entry. I have also included links at the
end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run
fundraising page.
Strength is one of those things that can apply in so many aspects of our lives and I think one thing that I have learned is that we don’t always realize how much strength we possess until it is really tested. I have always known that physically I’m strong, you have to be to carry around the weight that I do but learning to run has really showed how much strength I have in more ways than just physical strength. I wasn’t expecting this. This entry is dedicated to not only the strength of my body, but also to the strength of my mind as well as the strength of my desire to run. Each of these things has come to mean a great deal to me and had I not decided to try to run I don’t know when I would have realized just how much strength I possess.
As I mentioned I have always considered myself to be physically strong but as I talked about yesterday there was still things that I didn’t think I could do because I didn’t think my body would be able to. Each day when I push myself a little bit further on the treadmill I can feel the strength in my body. I feel the power of my legs pushing me further and it is pretty exciting. Better than that since starting this process I have also started to feel actual muscle definition in my legs which is pretty cool. Feeling the physical changes in my body has helped keep me going even though I don’t actually see the changes that are happening but I’ll write more on that tomorrow.
As great as it is to feel my physical strength grow I have to say that learning the strength that exists in my mind has been the best lesson. In the past if something was hard or in the case of exercise made me feel tired or my legs shake I would stop but now I have been reminding myself that it is mind over matter. Today actually I was reminded of this. I was on the treadmill trying to get to 1.55miles (half of the 5K) as fast as I could and while I was running I began to feel my calf cramping up. In the past I would have stopped the treadmill and got off thinking it was my body’s way of saying it was too much but today I just slowed to a walk and continued at a slower pass until the cramp passed. The whole time I just kept repeating in my mind that I have this and that I have done this before so I can do it now. Before long I was able to run again with the cramp having passed. Our mind is such a powerful thing and if I can use that power to keep me moving I’m going to do everything I can to harness it.
I think one of the things that has shocked me the most on this journey, besides just how much my mind plays a role in keeping me going, is something that is also sort of related to the strength of my mind – it is the desire to run. I mean I have always wanted to do it but now that I am actually running I find I want more. I wasn’t really expecting to love it as much as I am. I look forward to my run days and as nervous as next weekend is making me I’m anxious to run across that finish line. The only other activity that has come close to feeling as good as running has to me is dancing but the difference is I don’t feel self-conscious at all when I run, I can’t say the same for dancing. It is pretty amazing to have an activity that I can get excited over.
I think humans are inherently strong. I think most of us don’t realize just how strong we really are but at least for me I am starting to learn to trust my strength and accept that it really is there to help me along. I know now that no matter what this crazy world throws at me I will find a way to make it work. I possess everything that I need to achieve anything my brain thinks is a good idea, we all do. It is time to embrace our strength and make our dreams come true.
To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.
For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.
Strength is one of those things that can apply in so many aspects of our lives and I think one thing that I have learned is that we don’t always realize how much strength we possess until it is really tested. I have always known that physically I’m strong, you have to be to carry around the weight that I do but learning to run has really showed how much strength I have in more ways than just physical strength. I wasn’t expecting this. This entry is dedicated to not only the strength of my body, but also to the strength of my mind as well as the strength of my desire to run. Each of these things has come to mean a great deal to me and had I not decided to try to run I don’t know when I would have realized just how much strength I possess.
As I mentioned I have always considered myself to be physically strong but as I talked about yesterday there was still things that I didn’t think I could do because I didn’t think my body would be able to. Each day when I push myself a little bit further on the treadmill I can feel the strength in my body. I feel the power of my legs pushing me further and it is pretty exciting. Better than that since starting this process I have also started to feel actual muscle definition in my legs which is pretty cool. Feeling the physical changes in my body has helped keep me going even though I don’t actually see the changes that are happening but I’ll write more on that tomorrow.
As great as it is to feel my physical strength grow I have to say that learning the strength that exists in my mind has been the best lesson. In the past if something was hard or in the case of exercise made me feel tired or my legs shake I would stop but now I have been reminding myself that it is mind over matter. Today actually I was reminded of this. I was on the treadmill trying to get to 1.55miles (half of the 5K) as fast as I could and while I was running I began to feel my calf cramping up. In the past I would have stopped the treadmill and got off thinking it was my body’s way of saying it was too much but today I just slowed to a walk and continued at a slower pass until the cramp passed. The whole time I just kept repeating in my mind that I have this and that I have done this before so I can do it now. Before long I was able to run again with the cramp having passed. Our mind is such a powerful thing and if I can use that power to keep me moving I’m going to do everything I can to harness it.
I think one of the things that has shocked me the most on this journey, besides just how much my mind plays a role in keeping me going, is something that is also sort of related to the strength of my mind – it is the desire to run. I mean I have always wanted to do it but now that I am actually running I find I want more. I wasn’t really expecting to love it as much as I am. I look forward to my run days and as nervous as next weekend is making me I’m anxious to run across that finish line. The only other activity that has come close to feeling as good as running has to me is dancing but the difference is I don’t feel self-conscious at all when I run, I can’t say the same for dancing. It is pretty amazing to have an activity that I can get excited over.
I think humans are inherently strong. I think most of us don’t realize just how strong we really are but at least for me I am starting to learn to trust my strength and accept that it really is there to help me along. I know now that no matter what this crazy world throws at me I will find a way to make it work. I possess everything that I need to achieve anything my brain thinks is a good idea, we all do. It is time to embrace our strength and make our dreams come true.
To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.
For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.
Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries
Friday, September 5, 2014
Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on My Changing Body
*Series in progress* This entry is part of a series I’m writing
leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first
5K. For more information on this series
check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this
entry. I have also included links at the
end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run
fundraising page.
I have spent years doubting my own abilities when it comes to physical activity. Growing up overweight meant that where other people seemed to enjoy gym class I dreaded it. As much as I wanted to keep up with my friends the reality was I couldn’t and didn’t know how to really fix it. That feeling of not being able to do something stuck with me and I began to really believe that there was just some things that I couldn’t do until I lost weight. Running was definitely one of those things. I think one of the coolest lessons I have learned on this journey is that in spite of doubting myself my body has been more than ready to accept all the new challenges I have thrown at it including running.
The very first morning I tried running (June 30th for those who are curious) will forever be in my brain. Some of it is of course because I have it written down and recorded it but some of it is because of how powerful that day was for me. I was nervous and excited walking in to the gym because I woke up knowing that it was the day I was going to try and run. I had no clue what to expect and if I would actually be able to do it but I knew it was now or never. As my warm up neared its end I felt my heart rate increase and it wasn’t just because of the exercise. I set my mind, focused on the mirror in front of me and turned up the speed on the treadmill forcing me to start to jog. Let me tell you those first 30 seconds felt like the longest in my life. When I finished I felt like my lungs were going to explode from my chest but in spite of that I also almost instantly felt a big rush. It was like everything became clear. I knew in that moment that not only was my body able to run but it was made to run. I could just feel it and let me tell you it felt amazing. That first run I think I did 5 or 6 intervals and when I stopped I was exhausted but it didn’t matter because I had just proven that I could do anything. I left the gym walking taller than when I came in and with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.
That lesson (that I could do this) and that moment is one that will stick with me forever but it has been more than just that first run day that has proven this. I continue to prove it to myself each and every time I do something that I couldn’t the day before. In the last two month I have pushed myself harder and done more than I thought possible. I have slowly increased my run time from 30 secs to 90 seconds. It is not the easiest thing I have ever done but it hasn’t killed me yet. As hard as it is my body has not slowed down and in fact when the workouts get too easy it begins to crave the increase. In fact other than the day after my first run I have not experienced any pain or stiffness which has blown me away. It was not what I expected on this journey. Each day when I go into the gym I feel like I can go a little further or a little faster even if it is only just small changes.
I once half-jokingly said to a friend on Facebook that I was born to be a runner but someone just forgot to tell my body sooner. After I wrote it I realized that it is kind of true. Running feels natural and amazing to me. I want to do more and be able to go further. I have finally told myself that running is something that I want in my life and that I’m ready to continue to move towards it as a goal. I know that even when the Terry Fox run is over I will continue to push myself to improve and continue on this journey to be able to run. My hope…no my goal is that by next year when I do this run again I will be able to run the whole thing. Nothing is going to stop me now. My body is only getting faster and before long I will be running everywhere. There is nothing in my way that I won’t beat and that has been an incredible lesson that everyone should get to experience.
To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.
For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.
Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries
I have spent years doubting my own abilities when it comes to physical activity. Growing up overweight meant that where other people seemed to enjoy gym class I dreaded it. As much as I wanted to keep up with my friends the reality was I couldn’t and didn’t know how to really fix it. That feeling of not being able to do something stuck with me and I began to really believe that there was just some things that I couldn’t do until I lost weight. Running was definitely one of those things. I think one of the coolest lessons I have learned on this journey is that in spite of doubting myself my body has been more than ready to accept all the new challenges I have thrown at it including running.
The very first morning I tried running (June 30th for those who are curious) will forever be in my brain. Some of it is of course because I have it written down and recorded it but some of it is because of how powerful that day was for me. I was nervous and excited walking in to the gym because I woke up knowing that it was the day I was going to try and run. I had no clue what to expect and if I would actually be able to do it but I knew it was now or never. As my warm up neared its end I felt my heart rate increase and it wasn’t just because of the exercise. I set my mind, focused on the mirror in front of me and turned up the speed on the treadmill forcing me to start to jog. Let me tell you those first 30 seconds felt like the longest in my life. When I finished I felt like my lungs were going to explode from my chest but in spite of that I also almost instantly felt a big rush. It was like everything became clear. I knew in that moment that not only was my body able to run but it was made to run. I could just feel it and let me tell you it felt amazing. That first run I think I did 5 or 6 intervals and when I stopped I was exhausted but it didn’t matter because I had just proven that I could do anything. I left the gym walking taller than when I came in and with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.
That lesson (that I could do this) and that moment is one that will stick with me forever but it has been more than just that first run day that has proven this. I continue to prove it to myself each and every time I do something that I couldn’t the day before. In the last two month I have pushed myself harder and done more than I thought possible. I have slowly increased my run time from 30 secs to 90 seconds. It is not the easiest thing I have ever done but it hasn’t killed me yet. As hard as it is my body has not slowed down and in fact when the workouts get too easy it begins to crave the increase. In fact other than the day after my first run I have not experienced any pain or stiffness which has blown me away. It was not what I expected on this journey. Each day when I go into the gym I feel like I can go a little further or a little faster even if it is only just small changes.
I once half-jokingly said to a friend on Facebook that I was born to be a runner but someone just forgot to tell my body sooner. After I wrote it I realized that it is kind of true. Running feels natural and amazing to me. I want to do more and be able to go further. I have finally told myself that running is something that I want in my life and that I’m ready to continue to move towards it as a goal. I know that even when the Terry Fox run is over I will continue to push myself to improve and continue on this journey to be able to run. My hope…no my goal is that by next year when I do this run again I will be able to run the whole thing. Nothing is going to stop me now. My body is only getting faster and before long I will be running everywhere. There is nothing in my way that I won’t beat and that has been an incredible lesson that everyone should get to experience.
To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.
For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.
Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)