*Series in progress* This entry is part of a series I’m writing
leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first
5K. For more information on this series
check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this
entry. I have also included links at the
end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run
fundraising page.
Whether you love or hate them mirrors are everywhere in our world and
as someone who is working to change how my image looks in the mirror I have
come to learn a valuable lesson, they lie.
Well no that’s not quite true because they do reflect back what is
standing in front of them but what we see is a different story. I have come to realize at least for me when I
look in a mirror my brain puts a filter on it which I have also learned I have
to be careful with because it can play havoc on what I think about myself.
This lesson started to come about as people started to tell me things
like how good I’m starting to look and that they can see I’m losing
weight. I always appreciate it when
people take the time to tell me that but I was finding that I was having a hard
time believing it. When I look in the
mirror I see the same Jill I always see.
It doesn’t matter that the scale has been showing I’ve been losing
weight, I just don’t see it. This is not
a big deal most of the time but if I’m having a bad day and I look in a mirror
there is nothing in the world I want more than to see a different reflection. Logically I know that we see what we want to
see which means on a good day I think hey I’m looking great and on a bad day
all I see is how far I still have to go.
I knew that I had to change this thinking so that I didn’t drive myself
nuts. I knew that I couldn’t stop looking at my reflection because they are
everywhere (including in front of the treadmills where I spend more mornings)
but I knew that I had to change the power they had on me. I came up with two solutions the first was
just to remind myself every time I see my reflection that what I see is not
necessarily the truth. I accept it as an
image but remind myself not to let it affect me emotionally. This in practice is not as easy as it is to
write but I’m working on it.
The second solution was to start taking monthly photos of myself. A picture is still just another type of
reflection but in having the same photos in the same clothes month after month
I can then actually compare the images.
It was in starting to take these pictures that I could actually see what
other people are seeing. If I look at
them one at a time I still don’t see the changes but in being able to compare
them it becomes more and more obvious that I am moving in the right direction.
I also started to focus more on what my clothes and body were telling
me. As the last 6 months have gone by I
have been feeling the changes that I couldn’t see. Dresses that I bought last summer are fitting
looser and hanging better. The signs are
all there that what other people are seeing is the truth so I focus on those
things and let me tell you it has been a huge help. Since making the decision to focus less on
the reflections and more on other things I have had less bad days. It goes back to what I was saying yesterday
about making my brain work for me.
I guess what I really want to say with this entry is don’t let the
reflections you see play a derailing factor in what you are doing. Remember that our eyes are connected to our
brain and our brains work as natural filters to fill in what it thinks we are
seeing. This can be both good and bad
but it shouldn’t control your emotions.
It’s not an easy thing to do but I’m learning to love myself for all
that I am at this moment. There is no
point in being critical of an image we want to see but aren’t. The image in the mirror is beautiful no
matter what it is showing because we are all beautiful. You can’t live for the reflection you used to
see or for the reflection you want to see all you have is the reflection of
now.
To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.
For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out
their page here.
Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries
A journey in accepting myself for who I am now while working on making myself into the person I see in my future.
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