New Year’s Resolutions Past and Future

The end of one year and the start of a new one creates the perfect time to wipe the slate clean and start over.  Each year I am one of the many that creates resolutions to help guide me on the year to follow and also like many I think they are often quickly forgotten and pushed to the side.  This year was a little different for me, if only because I had the resolution documented so I couldn’t forget them.  I’m actually proud of my resolutions for 2013 because all of them except for one was at least attempted.  So on this last day of the year I want to quickly look back at my resolutions for 2013 and share my new resolutions for 2014 (some of which will look pretty familiar).

In 2013 I came up with four things I wanted to work towards, all of which were things that work towards my overall life goals.  They were to move more, complete a 365 day photo project, complete another Nanowrimo challenge and read fifty books.  Each of these resolutions have had their own challenges and they are also ones that I have ignored in other years so I was pretty determined to complete them.

The resolution to move more was probably the easiest of all the resolutions because it was vague enough not to give me outlandish goals but still specific enough to get me up off the couch.  This resolution took me a while to actually fulfill because it wasn’t until I got my fitbit that I actually could see that I was actively working towards moving more.  I have already written about how wonderful this change has been for me.  It has been incredibly powerful to see results that I want and at a steady pace.  I feel like this resolution is one that I can check off as being completed without any second thoughts. 

The second resolution is also one that I’m happy to say was a success.  In 2012 I started to do a picture a day with the plan of completing an album of 365 moments that would have made up my year.  I did not complete this project in 2012 – in fact I made it to October and completely gave up on it which made me even more determined to do it this year.  I mean really I was so close to be done it was silly to stop.  I’m ecstatic to say that I have completed this project (my very last photo is of the movie poster for The Book Thief which I saw this afternoon).  The difference this year is that I created and printed the pages as I went along.  As I started to see the finished pages coming to the house I realized how truly special and great this project is.  I think it is my favourite album that I have created to this point in my life as a scrapbooker.  This year was an amazing year in a lot of ways and I have it all captured to remember forever.  I highly recommend everyone doing something like this.   There were times it felt like a drag or I would wonder how much I would really like to see hundreds of pictures of my cat or my dinners but when I look at the album even those pictures are pretty special and tell a story.

My third resolution is the one disappointment of the year.  I did not do Nanowrimo this year.  I had planned on signing up to do the summer camp version again which was being held in July. I signed up with intentions of working on a novel I have been researching for a bit but after the craziness of the floods in June I just couldn’t seem to get to a spot where I could actually focus and get to work.  I had a second opportunity to try in November and I did consider it but November is a notoriously busy month for me because of the work I put into our adopted Christmas family so rather than disappoint myself with an unfinished goal I put it to the side for the year.

My last resolution to read fifty books was actually added towards the end of the first week of January.  I have always loved reading but since graduating from university I have found that I don’t do as much of it as I would like.  I’m far too easily distracted by other things and even with the resolution I still didn’t quite make it to my goal.  I read 28 books this year.  I am a little disappointed by this but at the same time I’m pretty sure it is more than I have read in any year since I left university.  What I wasn’t expecting from this resolution though is that I would fall in love with fiction again.  A lot of the reading I had been doing was more research type books.  I got lost in a world of history and forgot how much fun losing myself in fiction could be.  Of all four resolutions this one was by far the most fun to try and achieve and so I don’t consider it a failure only getting part of the way to the end – it just means I have to try again.

Now as we stand at the start of a brand new year and I have done the look back it is time to look forward.  I have once again created a list of resolutions and much like last year I’m going to document them so that they stay fresh and I actually work towards them.  I plan on looking back at the end of 2014 and having even more check marks for completed resolutions.  So here is the list for 2014:

·         Move More/Lose More

o   With my fitbit I get a weekly report of what my average steps per day is and I plan on recording that on my blog page.  My last week was not my best week but it is the starting point.  I average 6,535.  This time next year I would like to see that number doubled.  Of course with moving more I expect to see my weight continue to drop.  This will be especially important because I have big plans for 2015 and I don’t want to be slowed down by my weight.

·         At least one day a week is a vegetarian day

o   In the summer this past year I decided to try to go part time vegetarian and I loved it.  I have continued to have meat free days and want to keep this going.  I love the variety it has brought into my diet and I look forward to continuing to explore other food choices.

·         Regular blog posts

o   I try to be good about posting but having just cleared out my blog posts folder on my computer and I realized that I write a lot that I never post.  So this year I will try to not let fear/nerves get in the way from me posting.  It also encourages me to set aside time each week to do some writing which also helps me keep motivated on working on my fiction

·         365 Photos for 2014

o   I wasn’t sure I was going to put this on the list again.  I loved my 2013 project but it has felt like a burden at times but at the same time like I said above it is one of my favourite albums so how could I not do it again.  I expect 2014 to be filled with just as many memories that I want to capture.

·         Read 50 books

o   Yep this one is back again too.  What can I say but I hate to see things incomplete so it is back and this year I will do it.  I have proved to myself in the last couple months I am capable of reading a book a week so I just have to make sure I do it consistently this year.

·         Complete a Nanowrimo challenge

o   That’s right it is another of my resolutions that has come back.  I just want to prove to myself that the first year I did this and completed a novel wasn’t a fluke – besides I also figure it is a good excuse to actually get my Titanic/WWI novel written.

I have to say that as great as 2013 was for me I am more excited to see what 2014 has in store.  I feel like each year just gets better and better so how can next year not be amazing.  I think as each year goes by I get closer and closer to being the person I really want to be. 

Before I end this post I just want to take a minute and wish you all a very Happy New Year.  I hope that 2014 is a stellar year for all of us.  I hope it will be a year filled with good deeds, good friends and a whole lot of memories.

10,000 Steps

I didn’t realize how powerful the idea of achieving 10,000 steps in a day would actually be when I went out and bought a pedometer so I could start tracking my movement.  I also didn’t realize how much a small little electronic device could change my life in major ways.

Getting a pedometer is something I have wanted to do for a long time.  In the past I have tried a few of the traditional type that clip onto your belt or pants but because of my size they just don’t work as well as I would like them to.  This led me to start to look for other types and on the recommendation of a friend I started to consider the FitbitFlex.  I wasn’t totally sure it would be the right choice for me, mostly because I don’t where watchers or bracelets so I figured having a pedometer on my wrist would actually annoy me.  I also wasn’t sold on the price of the little gadget.   At just over $100 it seemed like a lot of money to be spending on something that I figured I would lose interest in but on September 12, I made the decision to go out and buy one.  I haven’t looked back since and just over three months later I have to say that I’m still as in love with this fancy pedometer as I was when I bought it.

Of course buying a fancy pedometer didn’t instantly mean I was getting 10000 steps a day.  The fact was that after the first day of tracking not only was I wondering how on earth people can actually get 10,000 steps but I was also questioning how active I thought I was compared to what this little tracker was now showing me.  10,000 steps seemed like it was a faraway goal but I knew it was something that I wanted to achieve.  In true Jill fashion I made a plan. The cool thing about the Fitbit is that it lets you set a goal and when you reach that goal it vibrates.  (It also has a smiley face that shows when you achieve your goals and you look at your profile on the computer, and who doesn’t like smiley faces).  So I decided that I would start with 5000 steps.  It was a little more than I had done on the first day so I knew I would have to push myself to move a little bit more but it wasn’t a scary number.  The first week I hit 5000 6 out of 7 days so the next logical step was to up my goal to 6000.  I made steady progress from 6000 to 7000 to 8000 but then I got stalled out a little bit.  8000 was a hard target to hit unless I actually worked on it.  This was the first time I had to really consider my daily routine (which because of longer commutes is still messed up) so I could find ways to get more steps in regularly.

The biggest problem for me to get past the 8000 mark was that I just don’t have the same amount of time I used to in order to workout, which would make 8000 and higher much easier to achieve.  I also have to admit that even if I do have the time since we moved further away that I’m more likely to make an excuse to skip the workout.  So with all of that in mind I knew that I had to find a way to get to the goal even on those days where I don’t manage to sneak in a workout.   I began to look at all the little things I could do that would add more steps to my total without stealing away time.  Some of these things seemed really silly at first but I have been blown away by how many steps they have added to my day.

The first thing I started to do was set a reminder in my outlook calendar at work.  An hour after I arrive at work it pops up and tells me to take a break and go for a walk.  Having a very computer heavy job there are days that I would go hours without moving, especially if I’m focused on a specific project.  Having the message pop up becomes a great reminder that I have been sitting and I need to move.  I get up, stretch and go for a walk, whether it is to the bathroom, or the sink to get water or even just a quick trip around the floor I work on.  The important part for me is that I just get up and move.  The results were pretty noticeable.  I went from earning 2000-3000 steps during my work day to around 5000 before I leave the building.  2000-3000 extra steps from just getting up from my desk and taking a quick break.  It doesn’t use much of my time but it adds up in shocking ways.  It also had an unexpected side effect in that I am not getting that afternoon drained feeling now.

The second thing I started to do was for when I got home.  I will admit that I watch a lot of TV.  In a perfect world I would stop it and do something more productive with my time but I’m not ready to make that decision yet.  I needed to find a way that I could still watch my favourite shows and still become more active.  Well much like the pop up message at work I began to get up on commercials.  When my favourite shows break I get up and do laps around the house, march on the spot or just goof around and dance to the music in my head (I’m pretty sure my cat thinks I’m nuts at this point).  Well for every five minutes (which is usually about two commercial breaks) I earn an extra 500-600 steps which adds up nicely in my overall total.  Again like the walking at work it wasn’t a change that required a lot of effort on my part other than making sure when the commercials come on I stand up.  After a long day at work I’m not going to lie this is sometimes a challenge but now it is so much a habit I find that I’m even doing it in the morning if I happen to have a few minutes where I’m actually watching Canada AM while I get ready for work. 

Those two little steps alone helped let me get to 9000 steps and have been helping me achieve 10,000 at least some of the time.  I have also found myself more aware of how much I am moving which means I’m doing things like parking further away from stores or instead of taking short cuts I actually walk the long way around to do things.  The fun little tracker on my wrist acts as a constant reminder of my desire to be moving more.  It has become an anchor that I can touch and feel and even gives me feedback so I know if I’m doing what I need to be doing.

My goal is now set at 10000 steps a day.  I have plans to continue to increase that limit in the future but for now it has stayed there for the past month or so.  I have a rule with myself that if I’m not hitting my goal the majority of the days of the week I won’t up the limit.  10000 has been a challenge.  The first week I moved to 10000 steps I ended up feeling incredibly discouraged.  It was a busy week and I only ended up hitting 10000 once.  I was mad at myself.  Then a friend at worked asked a simple question that changed my view of how I look at the step goal.  She asked me if I had a number in my head that I wouldn’t go under.  I didn’t.  I hadn’t thought about having a range for a goal but suddenly it made sense.  I set the goal range as 8000-10000.  It is a range that is challenging for me but at least now I can let go of the disappointment of not meeting a goal as long as I hit 8000.  The funny thing about cutting myself that little bit of slack though is it actually made it easier for me to hit 10000 thanks to another little feature of the fitbit.  In increments of 20% of your goal a little light becomes lit on the flex.  So when I hit 8000 I have all five lights lit up even if I haven’t reached my goal.  Well once I hit all five lights I know that my goal is close and so I push a little harder to get there so that I can feel that familiar vibration on my wrist that tells me I have achieved my goal.  It’s funny to me the strange games we play with our minds but I guess in the end if it works I’m not going to argue with myself about it.

One of the lessons I have taken from having my fitbit is that although I used to consider myself fairly active I was really fooling myself.  Sure I was working out but then I would spend the rest of the day sitting in front of a computer or my TV which is completely counterproductive.  The tracking on the fitbit shows you not only how many steps you are doing but also what time you are doing it.  I quickly realized that sure I had moments were I was fairly active but I had a lot more time where I wasn`t moving at all.  It really shocked me when I saw it and it changed the way I look at myself.  As I continue to work towards my goal of being a healthy weight I will also continue the goal of making sure that I have more activity in my life than I do down time. 

Since getting my fitbit I have been recommending it to everyone because the best part of this small investment has been the benefits that I have gained.  Since buying it I have watched my weight begin to steadily go down instead of the bouncing around I had been doing.  In fact since getting it without changing anything other than the amount of moving I’m doing I have managed to lose 12.5 pounds which works out to be around a pound a week.  This little device has motivated me in so many ways now.  It is incredible positive to see results week after week and the positivity is rolling into other areas.  Seeing the weight go down week after week also helps me make better choices when I’m grocery shopping, eating out and cooking.  You don’t want to work hard to move more only to screw up the graph because you eat crap.

I want to end this entry with a quote I wrote down after a play in Rosebud.  It is a little quote that has stuck with me and seems appropriate.  “Sometimes it’s the littlest things that stay with you the longest.”  This quote applies to so many things in my head but in this instance it just reaffirms to me the power of what we think of as little.  Don’t write something off just because it seems silly or small because all those things can add up to be huge, even one minute of activity is better for you than one minute of doing nothing and quickly one minute can turn into 2 minutes which can turn into 5 until before you know it you are earning your own 10000 steps.  For me it has always been a case of little changes snowballing to become big changes and motivation.

So Much Yumminess...Adventures in Vegetarianism

Why haven’t I tried vegetarianism sooner?  I must admit that I’m shocked at how well yesterday and today have gone.  As I wrote about a few weeks ago as of yesterday I have gone part time vegetarian.  I will admit that I’m actually considering going full time vegetarian but I will wait and see how the next few weeks go as I continue to explore my new food choices.  I figured though I should write a quick update to keep you posted on how it’s all going and as a way to document the experience so I can always remember it. 

In order to catch you up to date about a month ago I made the commitment to not eat meat Monday through Friday (I’m not giving up eggs and dairy though).  In the last few weeks I have bought several vegan and vegetarian cookbooks and have been getting ready to make the change.  My plan had been to try out different recipes but as a procrastinator I didn’t do much testing before yesterday.  I’m sort of kicking myself for not trying out more though, not because it would be easier now but because so far the stuff I have tried has been amazing.  If all my meals taste as good as the dinners I have made last night (black bean burgers) and tonight (Tuscan Bean and Veggie Soup) going vegetarian would not be a hard shift for me.  I’m not overly particular about what I eat but I do want the things I choose to eat to taste good.

I will admit that I’m still learning a lot as I go.  The first lesson I have learned is that having and using a food processor is AMAZING!  I’m blown away at how much I have been able to cut down my prep time.  Tonight’s soup would have taken easily almost an hour to prep and cook if I was cutting by hand and instead it took me just over half an hour, which is completely doable even after a long day at work.  I’m blown away by how much I can do with one kitchen appliance.  I could have saved so much time in my life having one sooner.  I never would have thought that it was something I needed to have but wow I’m already in love with it and can’t imagine what I would do without it.  If you don’t have one I totally recommend getting one.

The second thing I have learned is something that is not really a new lesson but one that I have reminded myself of in the last couple days.  Cookbooks are a gift to those of us who are not naturally creative with food.  I will admit that I love to cook and I think I’m good at it but I owe all my success and best recipes to my cookbooks.  I’m not one of those people who can just look at ingredients and whip something up.  So while I lack the ability to create unique dishes I have developed a strong love of a good cookbook.  In the last little while though most of my cookbooks have been stashed nicely on the bookshelf gathering dust and being shamefully ignored by me.  Going vegetarian has forced me to look for different recipes and to pull out those poor ignore cookbooks (as well as buy a couple new ones)  It is also forcing me to cook again.  I have a couple favourite cookbooks, the first is The Joy of Cooking and the second is Veganomicon.  Joy of cooking is just full of lots of good recipes (for all diets not just vegetarians) but also great advice on how to pick out specific fruits and veggies not to mention some basic guidelines how to cook even the basic things.   Veganomicon I got on the recommendation of a friend and so far I’m totally impressed.

Switching my diet has not been without its challenges.  I will admit that even though it is only day two I am struggling a little with some of the textures.  I have always been a texture person which is why I have never been a fan of mushrooms.  So when creating things like burgers from veggies the texture is a little different than what I would expect from a beef burger.  I also tried the dessert tofu today and although it tasted great by the time I got through it I was having a hard time swallowing it because of the texture.  I have struggled with textures in the past and won though.  I had a hard time with cottage cheese but after a little while of just making myself eat it that went away and now I quite enjoy it.  This leaves me hopefully that this minor hiccup in my change of diet which will quickly be worked through and left only as a random blip in my exploration. 

In terms of this being a healthy lifestyle and better for me I can’t really speak to that quite yet.  That will play out over the next few weeks when I go to weigh in at Weight Watchers, not that I think weight loss is the only way to judge this but it will certainly give a good indication of it.  What I can say though is that already in the two days I have done this so far I feel pretty good.  My energy level is already up, which may be because of the food changes or maybe it’s just in my mind because I expect to see positive changes like that.  The other thing that surprised me is that after eating vegetarian meals all day yesterday when I went to have the slice of cake I bought for myself for my birthday I actually enjoyed it.  I know this sounds weird because who doesn’t enjoy cake but normally if I eat a piece of cake I’m plagued with a sense of guilt and it takes away from the enjoyment of it.  This was not the case last night.  I felt confident that I had made good choices all day and that the small piece of cake would not be my downfall. 

All in all I’m really exciting about these changes.  I’m excited to see where it all takes me and to see if it makes the differences that I’m expecting from it.  The true test will be a month from now when I’m tired of cooking and want nothing more than to hit a drive thru for an easy dinner but hopefully by that point I will have lots of quick meals frozen and ready to heat up instead.  I will keep you all posted as things continue on.

The More You Know

Even though I have yet to master the art of regular blogging I have always tried to blog the major changes in my world, those events and decisions that most strongly impact my life and so I feel obligated to record my latest decision. I will admit that I’m a little nervous at how people will react to it because it seems to be a topic that gets people talking. I have made the decision to work towards becoming a vegetarian, well actually a part time vegetarian at least for now. I actually heard a term while watching something that totally made sense, a weekday vegetarian and so that is what I’m going to work towards.

I have always believed that knowledge is power and I have been trying to increase my knowledge of all things food related to help me along my weight loss journey. I have been reading and watching as much as I can on various topics and the more I do the more interested I get. Food, food science, farming and even just cooking it are amazing and interesting topics to me. I do take everything I hear and read with a grain of salt and try to keep a skeptical mind about the information being presented. I know everyone has a bias and a point to prove which of course slants things. All that being said the more I learn about where my meat comes from the harder it is for me to stomach which is why I have decided to start to make some changes.

The ideas of vegetarianism or even veganism are not new to me. I have friends that practice both and I have learned a lot in trying to cook for them when I have people over to the house or when I have been privileged enough to eat at theirs. I started to realize that there are a lot of great foods and flavours out there that I would never have considered…in fact I actually prefer my vegan chili to my meat chili. Shocking I know. I’m lucky enough they are also pretty patient with my random questions so it has allowed me to be curious.

Over the last year maybe a little bit more I have considered the idea of turning into a vegetarian on several different occasions but never felt I could commit to it. The perfectionist in me kept saying if you can’t do it all the way then why do it at all. I know that I love my dairy and my steak (and really my meat in general) and giving it up just didn’t seem like it was possible. Again though the more I learned the more I realized that my thinking was a little foolish. As I learned about the impact eating meat has on the environment and heard lots of people say that even small changes make a difference I realized that I could do some small changes and cut meat out of my diet on a few days. I began to really accept that I can give myself permission to make the changes and yet still hold on to some of what I love and don’t think that I’m ready to give up yet. Then I heard the term weekday vegetarian and was sold. It is someone that doesn’t eat anything with a face during the week but on the weekend if you choose to you can. It made sense to me.

So now with this new concept in my head I have set the goal to be vegetarian Monday to Friday and am beginning to work towards that goal. Since I don’t have a lot of vegetarian or vegan recipes handy I have decided for the month of April to start with at least one day a week. This will help me build my recipe repertoire and ease me into a new way of eating and thinking about food. Then starting on May 6 (yes my birthday) I will begin to do it 5 days a week. I’m really excited about this change and I know everyone will ask so here are a few of the reasons why I have made this decision.

1. Health benefits. I have been trying for years to get more vegetables into my daily food choices for all the benefits that come with that. I know that in adding more vegetables into my life it will also help with my overall weight loss goals which will have a direct impact on my overall health.

2. The animal lover in me feels horrible about the way our meat is treated before it comes to our table. I have images in my head that I can’t ignore now that I have seen them and it really has made meat lose some of its appeal.

3. Getting to be creative with food again. I love cooking and I love the fun of trying to create new foods and learn new recipes to love. Of course if nothing else this will give me more things that I can cook for my friends so I don’t always feel like I’m making the same things all the time.

4. A new challenge. I love the idea of finding a new way to challenge myself and my beliefs. I have always thought of myself as a meat and potato kind of girl but maybe it is time for that to change.

5. Lower my carbon foot print. Ok so I have often joked that I have to be extra good at home to care for the environment because of the amount of paper we go through at my job. When I started to realize how much energy goes in to creating a pound of meat I was blown away. Do I think that by me changing my diet that the world will change? No of course not but I do think that if I can do my part it helps keep my own imprint on this earth a little less.

So there you have it. Whatever it will bring my way the decision has been made. I’m not sure if it will be forever but I am willing to commit to it for now. Who knows maybe it is the step in I need to go completely vegetarian which is a possibility even if I don’t think it is totally doable yet.

The Moment You Realize Life Has Changed

I wish I could say that on this third week of planning and preparing my meals that I was down again but I can’t. Of course I knew going in on Saturday that I would be up, but that is what happens when I don’t really track for three days out of the week. The good news is that in spite of the set back Saturday was a truly amazing day. I came to the realization that my life has changed and that I am no longer the same person I was.

It was a gradual realization as the day went on but all the pieces fell together as I was driving home from a movie. (I’m not sure why these thoughts always occur to me when I’m driving and can’t write them down. It’s really quite frustrating to try and remember all the brilliance while I’m being distracted by driving…hehehe). I realized that I have changed! I am not the same Jill that started this weight loss journey. Things that once tasted good to me don’t, I’m excited about meal planning and I am even realizing that I am somehow inspiring other people – which are all things I have strived to achieve. Like I said it was a pretty amazing day today.

It started first thing in the morning as I was waiting to go to my meeting. Rather than sit and watch tv I pulled out my meal plan sheet to begin to work on the plan for this week. Well as I began to fill in everything I actually lost track of time. As crazy as it may sound I was excited to be creating my meal plan. Last week was tough not just for the lack of tracking but also because I was hitting that point where I know I’m getting bored with my food, which is why I pulled out my meal plan sheet. (On a side note meal plan sheets are just paper that I did on my computer that have spots to write in meals and snacks – nothing fancy just a little tool I put together to help myself.) When I actually write out a plan and can see where repetition lies it becomes easy for me to swap in a different vegetable or fruit, or plan a different dinner to cook to spice things up. I haven’t done a lot of meal plans because it feels like a chore to me. It is one of those things I know I should do because it generally does help me to eat better during the week but it always feels like so much effort. I certainly have never felt excited or eager to do one until I started this week’s on Saturday. It was one of those things that as I rushed out the door I just sort of shrugged my shoulders at.

When I arrived at my Weight Watcher’s meeting I was in a really good mood (which isn’t always the case when I know that I’m going to show a gain). One of the things we usually do at the start of our meetings is to open up the floor to anyone that has any issues or concerns with the program. Sometimes people do and sometimes there is just silence. Saturday however one of the other members asked a really good question that I think all of us have to deal with. “How do you keep yourself motivated even when you have a bad week?” This is a topic that is near and dear to me because I know that my journey is going to be a long one. I’m always looking for new things to keep me moving in the right direction and to keep me excited about what I’m doing. There is one thing that has been pretty constant though for motivating me and that is the back of my bedroom door and so I spoke up to share my idea.

When I first started this journey almost three years ago now I put up a sheet of brown paper on the back of my bedroom door and I began to fill it with quotes, ideas, goals and even some pictures all as a way to keep me motivated. I see it every morning when I open the door and every night when I close it. It has become a great reminder of what I want. There is something powerful about having a visual that you can look at to remind you in an instant what you are after. Well after other suggestions were given our leader asked the member which idea she thought she could and would use and the member said my idea. It filled me with pride. As if that wasn’t enough though a couple of the other regular members also told me and the meeting that they too have started to cut up their veggies ahead of time and bag them into what they call “Jill bags” so that they are ready to go when they need a snack. This is an idea that I shared a few weeks ago in a meeting. It made me realize that I do know the right things to do and if other people can use my tools and be successful then so can I. I want to inspire people and it appears as though I am. It is a pretty great feeling to know. Of course that being said I do have to remember that while I want to inspire others I also have to remember to inspire myself.

With a powerful start to my day I felt ready to take on the world. I had plans to go play bingo with my sister, which is something I haven’t done in a great many months (probably since last fall). One of the things I most look forward to when I go to play bingo is the hall’s chicken fingers and their honey dill dip. I can taste it before I’m there and actually get excited for it. Today was no different. Once I got settled I placed my order and when it arrived I took the first bite and was shocked. It didn’t taste as good as I remembered it. At first I thought maybe I just didn’t chew it enough or something (I know it’s a little crazy but hey that’s me) but low and behold it was the same for all the bites. I did still eat it because it was my lunch but I won’t be in a hurry to buy the same thing next time. I didn’t really think much about it at that moment; I just sort of shrugged it off while I got distracted playing bingo. But of course as I was driving home it matched up well with my thoughts in the car.

While driving home from the theatre when all of these things were starting to be pieced together it started with the fact my stomach was turning and I was feeling ill. I knew right away that it was the popcorn and pop that I had eaten while I watched the movie (and yes before you ask I did track and for those of you curious a large popcorn without butter is approximately 27 points). As my stomach turned I realized that I didn’t want to do this anymore. The popcorn didn’t taste good enough to make up for feeling ill after. My body was telling me exactly what it should have always told me (and really probably was telling me if I was so busy ignoring it). I was finally starting to hear and pay attention to what my body was trying to tell me. This is something that is definitely new to me.

I know myself well enough to know that although I feel this way right now that I will not always avoid chicken fingers and popcorn because there will be a day where I forget how I was feeling on Saturday. Then again my hope in writing this down is that it will stick with me. Saturday was the first day I really felt right to my very core that I wanted to do better for my body and for myself. I am done living the way I have always lived. Now it is time to live the way I always should have been living.

Progress in my Weight Loss Journey

I realize it has been a little while since I really wrote about my weight loss journey and there is really no reason for it other than December and January were rough. Now I know this is the case for a lot of people but for me it wasn’t because of all the Christmas treats and food but instead because I ended up quite sick.

Generally speaking I consider myself to be fairly healthy. I very rarely ever get sick and if I do generally I’m out for a day maybe two but then I’m back to normal. Well as many people have been hearing the flu that is going around this year is a little crazy. On Christmas Eve by the time I got home from visiting with people I was white as a ghost and feeling pretty miserable. I went to bed and woke up feeling like death. What followed was a week of absolutely no energy. There were moments when I didn’t even have the strength to change the channel on my tv with the remote. Needless to say cooking food and eating were not high on my priority list although I did try to make sure I was getting something in my system. I knew because of this that when I went to my weigh in at Weight Watchers that I was going to be down but when I saw the number on the scale I was shocked when I saw the number. In the week I was sick I ended up losing 15 pounds. This looks great on paper but the reality of it was that it sucks but at least it made sense why I had no energy and felt so horrible.

Sometime during that week, while I was sick, I decided that this whole flu/cold thing or whatever I had was my body’s way of restarting. I found a new focus and decided that this year was going to be the year that I set the goal of losing 100 pounds and actually make it happen. My body was giving me a head start. Hehehe. Rationally though I was smart enough to realize that the 15 pounds I had lost was going to come back because it wasn’t a true weight loss but part of me hoped I would be wrong. So for the next two weeks I watched as the numbers on the scale bounced back. Even knowing and acknowledging that the weight gain was going to happen it still wasn’t easy to see the numbers go up. It is always hard when you know that you are doing the right things and following the plan to see a setback. I was starting to feel the frustrations that come along when you struggle with your goals.

After the second week of weight gain my body was basically back to where it was before I got sick so it was time to step things up a bit. I decided to try and put a little more structure into my plans for losing 100 pounds this year. Drawing from all the knowledge I had gained at work around goal planning I set up to create a goal plan for me. I set out a specific goal with a specific timeline but I also included some very specific steps to get me there. I know that to achieve a big goal you need lots of little goals to get there. It’s like that quote, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” It was time of saying I wanted to reach the destination and to actually start moving towards it.

One of the very first things I decided to do was to find a way to make eating my vegetables easier. Like so many people I have good intentions and fill my fridge with them but they have a tendency to sit in the crisper drawers and at least half of them get wasted. So taking a page out of my brother’s book I decided to do a week’s worth of prep with my vegetables so that they are ready and I don’t have to worry. I had seen pictures online of people putting salads together for a week at a time and enjoying them with promises that they didn’t get all soggy. I wasn’t really sure that it was really going to work and was truly worried that the consistency would not hold up. What if my vegetables went from crunchy and fresh to soggy and blah? But it was worth trying.

Off to the grocery store I went with a list of vegetables and other food to keep me full all week and give me a little variety. When I returned with all my new fresh food I piled everything on the kitchen table and began to cut and chop. After an hour and a half I had enough salads made for lunch and dinner for four days, as well as my afternoon snack which is also some sort of vegetable. The base for my salads were all the same (a mix of lettuce, carrot, cucumber, tomato and broccoli) but in order to make things a little more interesting I also added a few tweaks into each container that I knew would change up the flavour just a little. In some of the salads I added cheese, in some avocado and in a few I even put some nuts. Of course I also made sure I had a few of my favourite dressings to add (and yes I do use dressing and it is the full fat versions and/or homemade with oil – some things are just worth the splurge in points).

This whole process felt really time consuming in the moment but it did give me a sense of being in control again. I enjoy having a plan and knowing that I don’t have to worry about anything. I felt motivated and excited for the week. I knew that in the morning when I was rushing around I wouldn’t have to worry about making something for lunch. I could just grab the prepared stuff and toss it into my backpack. The whole process left me feeling very powerful and excited about losing weight again. Even better though was when I went to weigh in the next week I saw a loss. Sure it was only a pound but it was the first true loss since being sick and it felt like things really were starting to get back on track. The biggest reward though was not the loss but getting to see that the results were matching to my intentions. Excited from seeing the results, I was pumped and ready to try again for week number two. I was even more motivated and prepped even more things. For week number two I not only prepped my salads, my afternoon snack but also my morning snack and a few other odds and ends. The fridge was full as was the kitchen table with the food that would get me through the week. So once again this week when I went to weigh in I was rewarded with another weight loss and this time it was just shy of 5 pounds. Effort = rewards = happy, excited me!

I feel like a warrior ready to do battle now. I’m finally figuring out the tools and weapons I need to win and there is something incredibly powerful about that. I’m tired of fighting against myself and am ready to put all that energy into moving in the right direction. I have more motivation and excitement than I have had in a very long time. I have a clear focus of where I want to go and a real plan to get me there. I’m no longer hoping for weight loss, I am actually going to make it happen.

2013: A Year to Reach for the Stars

I'm excited to say that although I have not posted much in the last little bit that I do have lots coming.  I have been working hard on writing blog entries that really matter and really show a part of myself (as scary as that can be).  One of the things I have been missing most in my life since I lost Will is being able to tell someone everything that is going on in my life.  I have lots of friends who know parts of me but no one knew as much about me as he did and I miss that.  There is nothing like being able to spill your soul and so in the relative anonymity of this blog (even though I know I do have a lot of friends/family that read this) I'm prepared to open up and share.  It is much easier for me to do that in writing than it is to actually do it face to face. 

I know not everyone is interested in all parts of my journey so I'm working on a schedule that will showcase specific parts on specific days, although I hope that anyone that is reading my blog at all will check out all parts.  (Currently I'm planning entries on weight loss, my spirituality, my photography and of course anything else that pops up).  So as February starts I look forward to not only posting more entries here but also getting back into my book reviews on Boxes of Paper.  As I get started with a new focus and routine I will let everyone know what they can expect.  For now though a quick update to get me back on track.

December and January have been busy months for me as they are for a lot of people.  I set some very specific goals for myself for 2013 and have been working to make it all flow together so I can earn each and every one of the goals.  Some of the major ones are to lose 100 pounds this year, to complete my 365 photo a day album, to complete another 50000 word challenge, to learn to take photos manually rather than always using automatic, and to try and push myself out of my comfort zone.  I'm determined to make 2013 the year in which I push the envelope and to really do it, not just say I'm going to do it.  As silly as it sounds I have created detailed goal focused plans to guide me.  I guess all the silly courses they force me to take at work are starting to rub off.  With clear focus and lots of baby steps I will make this year my best year yet.  I invite you all to follow along on this journey.  I have lots to say and as scary as it is I fully plan on sharing it all as best I can.

As always I ask for my readers patience, understanding and support.  I am going to be sharing my ideas, thoughts and beliefs and fully understand they are not for everyone.  I am who I am and it is time to show the world what is hidden inside my brain.  (Wow that sounds way more scary and ominous than it should...hmmm)