I Am A Gym Person!

I’m not sure when it happened but I realized today as I was driving to the gym that I have become a “gym person”. 

A gym person to me is someone who is always in the gym.  It doesn't seem to matter when you go they are already there and they always stay longer than you do.  They seem to know everyone and you can tell that they are enjoying what they do.  They know how to use all the equipment and they don’t seem to have any doubt that they should be there.

When I started at the Y I was only going on the weekends because my weekdays were spent at the gym at my workplace.  So when I would come in Saturday morning, I would hop on the treadmill and just watch.  No one knew me because I was only there one day a week.  I felt like an outsider and like I didn't belong but at the same time I felt a great deal of envy for the ease with which the regulars seemed to move around the gym.  They were intimidating and inspiring all at the same time.  I didn't know how they got there but you could tell they belonged.

Well somehow over the last year, I think that I have become one of those people (although hopefully not intimidating).  It amazes me to think how much my life has changed in the last year.  I love going to the gym.  I love how no matter what I’m doing when I am there that I leave feeling empowered, strong and confident.  Who knew something as simple as small piece of plastic (my gym membership) could have so completely changed me?  I do know and realize that I owe some of the change to personal training but that is a topic for another blog entry (which is proving far harder to write).

One of the biggest changes that has happened is how much I love going to the gym.  It is actually really hard for me to miss a day.  When something comes up and I do have to miss a day I try my best to make it happen on one of my rest days.  If I can’t do that I try to get out and at least go for a walk at lunch.  There was a time where I lived for the days when I could do nothing and now I struggle with them.  Being active truly has become more than just a goal to work towards.  I really make every effort to live it now. 

Something else that has surprised me is my confidence at the gym.  I don’t feel like an outsider anymore.  Sure I’m still not the smallest or most fit person there but it doesn't matter anymore.  When I walk into the gym I feel like I own the place.  I have often told my trainer that I feel like a rock star.  I stand tall and move with confidence.  My normal shyness doesn't seem to exist when I’m there.  I will talk to strangers, looking them in the eye and all with ease.  It feels like I really have become a whole new person.  I’m not trying to hide anymore.  For once in my life I want people to notice me and they are – and not because I’m the big girl trying to work out but because I’m the big girl who is changing her life.

Another thing that has really surprised me is something I didn't expect and not even something I really noticed but something my trainer pointed out.  The harder the activity or work out the bigger I smile.  When she told that to one of the other trainers, who we were talking with, I started to realize something else – I love to be challenged.  I love doing the things that people have said I can’t do or that I have even told myself I can’t do.  The harder it is the more I want to tackle it.  I love the feeling I get when I push myself and the gym has given me so many opportunities to prove that I am more capable and stronger than I could have ever have imagined.  Nothing feels impossible when I’m at the gym.  I go each day (especially training days) and am excited to see what new thing I can try.  I love every minute of it.

I don’t know if my experiences are unique but I do know that I get how people can become gym people.  The atmosphere, the support, the challenge and the instant gratification that comes from doing something new – it all helps to create a place that lets me feel amazing.  It is a place that is letting me grow into the person I have always wanted to be.  It is a place I once feared but now embrace.  So I will proudly claim that I am now and hopefully will forever be a gym person.

Anything is Possible…

…with a dream, hard work, and the support of your loved ones.

It seems like a long time ago now when I first mentioned to a friend the idea of signing up to run a 5K.  She didn’t laugh or say why not try walking one first but instead told me she thought it was a great idea and that she would join me.  Now 6 months later and with her beside me I finished my very first 5K yesterday.  This entry is all about my run and dedicated to everyone who has loved, supported and cheered me on.  I’m honoured and humbled by all that you bring into my life.

Yesterday I did something that I didn’t truly believe was possible even though I had already proved to myself that I could walk 5k over and over.  Yesterday I not only participated in the Terry Fox run but I also jogged chunks of it.  I wasn’t the fastest (which I knew I wasn’t going to be) but it didn’t matter in the slightest.  All that mattered was that I finished and I finished strong. 

 

Doing the 5K wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be even as prepared as I was.  I had moments of real struggle like when I got a stitch in my side or when just as I was about to start running to the finish line my back felt so tight that I had to stop and stretch it out before I could run again.  I also quickly realized as much as I have worked on the voice in my head that it still speaks up with doubt when I’m doing something challenging.  It popped up right after I had done my first run interval and started to remind me of how much harder this was than running on the treadmill and telling me that there was no way I would be able to keep doing it.  Luckily I had two great partners beside me to talk and distract me from that voice and reassuring me that I can do this.  By the time I finished my second run interval that doubt was forgotten and determination took over.

In spite of the challenges something I’m very proud of is the fact that I was able to keep my smile and positive attitude the whole time.  I even managed to keep laughing and joking of course some of that was probably just nervous energy.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to maintain my mood before I started.  In fact I had previously warned my friend that I would probably be tired and cranky by the end of everything.  What I was counting on was how truly amazing it felt to be out doing this run for cancer research with about 1500 other people.  The crowd was enthusiastic and excited.  It was hard not to be positive and smiling.  

 

Nearing the end but still smiling and still moving!

The last kilometer was the probably the hardest for me because although I knew I could finish my body was starting to feeling the strain of my weight and previous four kilometers.  I was tired and just waiting for the end.  It felt so close and so far all at the same time.  I just kept putting one foot in front of the other though and kept moving towards the end.

As we reach the final few meters my lower back was incredibly tight and sore but I was determined to run across the finish line.  So I quickly stopped to stretch my back out a bit and then my friend beside me we jogged to the end and across that finish line.  What amazed me was the burst of energy I felt just before I was going to cross it.  I could feel my body push a little faster and I ran across it strong and smiling.  In that moment I didn’t even see the people around me or hear the cheers I just felt this huge rush go through my body.  It was exhilarating.  I have never been more proud of myself in that moment. It was such an accomplishment.  It has been a long time since I worked so diligently and hard towards a goal.  I most definitely will be doing this again.

Along with being proud of my run I am also proud of the amount of money my team and myself were able to raise for the cause.  My personal total raised was $540.  Along with that I take credit for the team fundraising events total of 375.85 which means I very nearly made my goal of $1000.  Overall as a team we managed to raise over $2300 (I’m not sure what the final total was as we had some last minute donations that didn’t get added in to our page).  I am so proud of the work we put in and the amount we pulled off especially since this was the first time I have ever really taken on something like this.  I am proud to be able to do a small part in the large battle against cancer.

Before I end this blog I want to take a few minutes to acknowledge some very special people.  I couldn’t have done this journey on my own and I think a great deal of thanks need to be shared. (Sorry I know it’s rather award show of me but I really couldn’t have done this on my own and I think recognition should always be shared.)

The first thank you has to go to my fellow Screening Sirens.  I put the idea out to all of you and you all blew me away with your willingness to sign on and jump in.  You have been there to help me with fundraising and to just be there so I knew I had a reason I couldn’t quit.  I loved being the captain of such a great group of positive people.  I look forward to doing it again with all of you.

Screening Sirens showing a little love

Second I need to thank all of my donors both my personal donors and the team donors.  It was an honour to be able to do this run on your behalf.  I hope that I have done you all proud.  It is because of you I feel I can say that this run was a success on all sides.  I have so much love and gratitude to all of you who were willing to support me with your donations.

Third to EVERYONE who has every cheered me on especially on Facebook.  You have kept me going on this journey even on the hardest days.  You shared your excitement and enthusiasm for what I was doing.  You filled my world with so much positivity it would have been impossible for me not to succeed.  You are family and friends from around the world and I shine because of you.

Last a very special thank you to Tina.  I want you to know how much your support has meant to me.  You inspire me to do more and keep reaching towards becoming the active person I know that I am inside.  You have taken the time to walk with me countless times over the last few months.  You have encouraged me and offered so much advice.  You have never once shown anything but positive energy towards me and my goals no matter how crazy they may seem.  Without fail you have kept my worst doubts at bay and shown me that I really can reach for things that seem out of reach.  Without you I don’t know that this run would have happened.  You moved my journey along by asking me to walk with you at lunches and promising that you would go at my pace.  I’m glad you were persistent and kept inviting me even when I kept coming up with excuses why I couldn’t.  I am forever grateful that I finally said yes and started walking and that you were still ready to go.  You were true to your word and stayed at my pace even though you are capable of going so much faster and it has meant the world to me.  It has been a privilege to do this run with you and I can’t wait for the day when I can say let’s go at your pace.

Tina and I hanging out before the run

We did it!

This journey has proved to myself that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.  I am a changed woman for having taken on this challenge.  I have found strength, pride, confidence, love, support and so much more.  All it took was a small idea, some blood, sweat & tears and a whole lot of belief in myself.  If I can do this I know that I can do anything.  Heck if I can do this anyone can do anything.  Impossible things happen every day we might as well make them happen for us.

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Strength

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

Strength is one of those things that can apply in so many aspects of our lives and I think one thing that I have learned is that we don’t always realize how much strength we possess until it is really tested.  I have always known that physically I’m strong, you have to be to carry around the weight that I do but learning to run has really showed how much strength I have in more ways than just physical strength.  I wasn’t expecting this.  This entry is dedicated to not only the strength of my body, but also to the strength of my mind as well as the strength of my desire to run.  Each of these things has come to mean a great deal to me and had I not decided to try to run I don’t know when I would have realized just how much strength I possess.

As I mentioned I have always considered myself to be physically strong but as I talked about yesterday there was still things that I didn’t think I could do because I didn’t think my body would be able to.  Each day when I push myself a little bit further on the treadmill I can feel the strength in my body.  I feel the power of my legs pushing me further and it is pretty exciting.  Better than that since starting this process I have also started to feel actual muscle definition in my legs which is pretty cool.  Feeling the physical changes in my body has helped keep me going even though I don’t actually see the changes that are happening but I’ll write more on that tomorrow.

As great as it is to feel my physical strength grow I have to say that learning the strength that exists in my mind has been the best lesson.  In the past if something was hard or in the case of exercise made me feel tired or my legs shake I would stop but now I have been reminding myself that it is mind over matter.  Today actually I was reminded of this.  I was on the treadmill trying to get to 1.55miles (half of the 5K) as fast as I could and while I was running I began to feel my calf cramping up.  In the past I would have stopped the treadmill and got off thinking it was my body’s way of saying it was too much but today I just slowed to a walk and continued at a slower pass until the cramp passed.  The whole time I just kept repeating in my mind that I have this and that I have done this before so I can do it now.  Before long I was able to run again with the cramp having passed.  Our mind is such a powerful thing and if I can use that power to keep me moving I’m going to do everything I can to harness it.

I think one of the things that has shocked me the most on this journey, besides just how much my mind plays a role in keeping me going, is something that is also sort of related to the strength of my mind – it is the desire to run.  I mean I have always wanted to do it but now that I am actually running I find I want more.  I wasn’t really expecting to love it as much as I am.  I look forward to my run days and as nervous as next weekend is making me I’m anxious to run across that finish line.  The only other activity that has come close to feeling as good as running has to me is dancing but the difference is I don’t feel self-conscious at all when I run, I can’t say the same for dancing.  It is pretty amazing to have an activity that I can get excited over.

I think humans are inherently strong.  I think most of us don’t realize just how strong we really are but at least for me I am starting to learn to trust my strength and accept that it really is there to help me along.  I know now that no matter what this crazy world throws at me I will find a way to make it work.  I possess everything that I need to achieve anything my brain thinks is a good idea, we all do.  It is time to embrace our strength and make our dreams come true.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals
• Celebrating
• My Changing Body

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on My Changing Body

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

I have spent years doubting my own abilities when it comes to physical activity.  Growing up overweight meant that where other people seemed to enjoy gym class I dreaded it.  As much as I wanted to keep up with my friends the reality was I couldn’t and didn’t know how to really fix it.  That feeling of not being able to do something stuck with me and I began to really believe that there was just some things that I couldn’t do until I lost weight.  Running was definitely one of those things.  I think one of the coolest lessons I have learned on this journey is that in spite of doubting myself my body has been more than ready to accept all the new challenges I have thrown at it including running.  

The very first morning I tried running (June 30^th for those who are curious) will forever be in my brain.  Some of it is of course because I have it written down and recorded it but some of it is because of how powerful that day was for me.  I was nervous and excited walking in to the gym because I woke up knowing that it was the day I was going to try and run.  I had no clue what to expect and if I would actually be able to do it but I knew it was now or never.  As my warm up neared its end I felt my heart rate increase and it wasn’t just because of the exercise.  I set my mind, focused on the mirror in front of me and turned up the speed on the treadmill forcing me to start to jog.  Let me tell you those first 30 seconds felt like the longest in my life.  When I finished I felt like my lungs were going to explode from my chest but in spite of that I also almost instantly felt a big rush.  It was like everything became clear.  I knew in that moment that not only was my body able to run but it was made to run.  I could just feel it and let me tell you it felt amazing.  That first run I think I did 5 or 6 intervals and when I stopped I was exhausted but it didn’t matter because I had just proven that I could do anything.  I left the gym walking taller than when I came in and with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

That lesson (that I could do this) and that moment is one that will stick with me forever but it has been more than just that first run day that has proven this.  I continue to prove it to myself each and every time I do something that I couldn’t the day before.  In the last two month I have pushed myself harder and done more than I thought possible.  I have slowly increased my run time from 30 secs to 90 seconds.  It is not the easiest thing I have ever done but it hasn’t killed me yet.  As hard as it is my body has not slowed down and in fact when the workouts get too easy it begins to crave the increase.  In fact other than the day after my first run I have not experienced any pain or stiffness which has blown me away.  It was not what I expected on this journey.  Each day when I go into the gym I feel like I can go a little further or a little faster even if it is only just small changes.

I once half-jokingly said to a friend on Facebook that I was born to be a runner but someone just forgot to tell my body sooner.  After I wrote it I realized that it is kind of true.  Running feels natural and amazing to me.  I want to do more and be able to go further.  I have finally told myself that running is something that I want in my life and that I’m ready to continue to move towards it as a goal.  I know that even when the Terry Fox run is over I will continue to push myself to improve and continue on this journey to be able to run.  My hope…no my goal is that by next year when I do this run again I will be able to run the whole thing.  Nothing is going to stop me now.  My body is only getting faster and before long I will be running everywhere.  There is nothing in my way that I won’t beat and that has been an incredible lesson that everyone should get to experience.  


To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals
• Celebrating

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Celebrating/Acknowledging All Achievements

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

This entry is proving one of the harder ones for me to write but one that I think is incredibly important.  Over the years I have found it a struggle to really celebrate the things I accomplish.  As a perfectionist I tend to see what I did wrong rather than what I have done right.  I can look at most things at find something that I could have done better or should have done differently and fixate on it.  This has never really served me that well so I figured while I’m changing everything else I should see if I can’t try and change this way of thinking as well.  So with my list of goals in place I decided that I would find a way to mark or celebrate every accomplishment that I cross off the list as I make my way to the 5K.  Sometimes it is just a quick Facebook status and sometimes I treat myself to a present (usually in the form of a new book).  It doesn’t seem to matter how I recognize the work I’m doing as long as I do take some time to recognize it.

In the past 6 months I have really noticed how much happier and more fulfilled I feel about what I am doing.  Some of it is coming from the focus that has come from having specific goals to work towards but I think a greater part of it is coming from the fact that I’m finally recognizing the best parts of me.  In celebrating my milestones I have not only found pride in my own accomplishments but I’m have also found a way to affect others.  People keep telling me that I inspire them and make them want to change.  I have even had a few friends who have told me they are now doing things differently because of what I have been doing.  This means the world to me because what I want most in this life is to know that I am making a difference in the world for the better.  If I wasn’t taking the time to share my accomplishments none of this would have been happening.

The idea of celebrating and acknowledging goals has become incredibly powerful.  As I mentioned above my version of celebrating varies but one mainstay for me is a quick post on my Facebook.  It feels a little like bragging sometimes but I think I deserve to brag a little (as does everyone).  We really do need to shout it from the rooftops when we do something that we have worked hard for.  It took me a little bit of time to accept that it was okay for me to be excited about my accomplishments but what I didn’t realize at first was just how special those Facebook statuses were going to become.  Sharing all my accomplishments opened me up to a world of support that I don’t think I necessarily really realized existed.  It is also helping me make sure that I really remember just what I have done.  It only takes a few minutes of my time but the benefits have been huge.

A few of the benefits that I have noticed include feeling happier and fulfilled as I mentioned above but it has also led to me feeling more excited about this journey, more driven and like I’m actually getting somewhere.  I don’t think anything has ever made me feel better than I have the last few months and I think at least in part some of it is owed to actually taking the time to recognize my accomplishments. It has been a huge change in my mindset.  I highly recommend giving it a try.

I hope that you anyone reading this has enjoyed it so far.  Tomorrow I will be shifting gears a little bit and starting to talk about the lessons I have learned about my body and just how amazing it is to watch the changes that have been coming my way as I continue to work towards my 5K.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Tracking Goals and Progress

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

When I think of the things that I have learned that have made the biggest change in my life it has been the idea of tracking.  I have kept a journal in some form or another since sometimes in elementary school…grade 3 I think, so the idea of recording at least thoughts was not strange to me.  As I have moved my way through Weight Watchers I had to use tracking as a way to be accountable for what I was eating.  So when I started working out this time around I decided that I wanted to keep track of what I was doing and how I was feeling about it.  It has proved to be the most rewarding tool that I have found so far on my journey.

The first thing I did was found a notebook that I loved because I knew it was going to be something that I would have to keep handy.  The practical side of my brain found something that was small and hard covered so that I could take it to the gym without worrying it would get wrecked or in the way.  The girly side of me made sure it was purple and flowery.  Then I figured out what I should track.  I settled on recording the date, activity, time, calories burned, heart rate at 15mins, distance travelled and then of course a spot to record any comments on the activity especially any aches or pains.  I made sure that after each work out I recorded as many of the details as I could.  (As a side note I have evolved this tracking to record it on my phone and just transfer it to the book so that I can actually do the recording as I wind down my workouts and make sure I capture all the important feedback that comes off the machines at the gym especially.)  At first this just seemed like an extra task but after about a month or so I realized the power that came from this task.

I woke up one day in a bad mood.  I was tired and cranky.  It took all my will power to get me out the door and onto the treadmill at work.  On the treadmill I did a workout that I had been doing for the past week but couldn’t find the joy or ease in it.  The whole workout was a struggle.  My legs were moving but for the first time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere.  It was a day where I realized just how long my journey to healthy is going to be and it felt incredibly daunting.  At lunch time I sat down at my desk and pulled out my book and began to flip through the earliest entries. My very first entry I recorded I did 30mins on the treadmill on 2.0miles/hour with a 0% incline.  I wrote about my back being sore and feeling tired.  The day that I was struggling I did 35mins on 2.2 miles/hour with a 2% incline.  I wrote about being in a bad mood but there is not a single mention of any aches or pains (which I always record if there are any).  Looking back to the first entry made me remember back even further to when I got my fitbit, which really was the first step in tracking.  I remembered barely being able to walk on the spot through the commercial breaks without feeling like it was the biggest chore in the world.  Suddenly my bad day felt better.  Sure it wasn`t my best workout but at least I wasn`t back where it was a struggle to get through a few minutes.  I was able to see that I actually was making progress.

This little journal has come in handy over and over on bad days as a way to remind myself that I am moving forward even if I feel like I’m standing still.  I think sometimes it is easy to forget where we started or how hard it was when we took the first steps.  It becomes easy to take for granted that where we are now is where we have always been.  I think it is because when you are working towards a goal you push yourself.  You don`t really let yourself get comfortable.  While I have been learning to run if my workout gets easy I make it harder so that most of the time I feel like I’m struggling.  This sounds worse than it is because we need to struggle to get better but constantly being there does make it seem like it will never get any better.  I quickly realized that I needed to change that mindset and that I had to find a way to negate some of the negative feelings that were coming my way because I am always having to fight my way forward.  Looking back on everything has become my solution.  Reflecting through my workout journal allow me to see that I have actually moved from where I started.  It reminds me not only how hard the journey can be but it also shows me that what was once hard gets easier if you just hang in there.  That truly is one of the most powerful lessons that I constantly try to remind myself of.  It is the idea that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that one day I will reach this goal just like all the small goals I have already crossed off my list.


To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Picking Goals

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

As I talked about in my last entry I am not a natural goal setter and I think one of the reasons that I never took to goal setting was because I never actually knew how to set goals that were realistic and achievable.  In today’s entry of Finding My Running Legs I’m going to talk about the process I have been using to make my goals.  I don’t know if it would work for everyone but in picking and setting my goals I have found that it has been incredibly helpful for me.  My ideas on goal setting are not new or probably all that innovative they are simply what I have found leaves me feeling the most positive about what I am doing.

The first principle I applied was the idea of picking a goal and setting a time frame on it.  I am one of those people with lots of big ideas but I don’t usually apply them to anything.  This time I took that idea and changed it into my goal – to run a 5K – but at first I still didn’t have a timeframe on it.  Running a 5K is something that I have always wanted to do but obviously without a timeframe I hadn’t managed to do it yet, even though I have talked about it off and on for the last few years.  So I went searching for 5Ks that I could run.  I settled on the Terry Fox Run for a couple reasons, one of which was that it was far enough in the future I figured I had lots of time to get ready.  This gave me something that I could happily call a goal because it had not only the idea of what I wanted to do but it had a date in which I would need to do it by.

This led me to my first true lesson about goals and that is while having a big goal is great it at least for me was not motivating in a tangible way.  After I wasted away the first month doing nothing to get ready for the run I quickly realized I needed something more that would actually get me doing something towards my big goal of the 5K.  So it only made sense to set some more goals.  So I basically made a to-do list of all the things I needed/wanted to do to get me from the couch to running.  I didn’t necessarily think of these things as goals at first but that is what they became.  I sat down and brainstormed all the things that would get me where I wanted.  I included the smallest of details including things like join a gym, go to the gym, and actually try running.  There were even a few that seemed a bit silly but they still go on the list things like buy a good pair of runners and figure out how to track my intervals.  Once I had my list of things than I gave myself deadlines because as a procrastinator it is easy to keep putting things off but with deadlines I was more aware of them.

The second lesson that I learned in setting these smaller goals or tasks was that this list had to be a little more flexible then my big goal, although even with my big goal I have tweaked it since I first set it.  As a perfectionist this was a struggle because once I put my mind onto something I really want to make sure I get it and do it 100%.  I keep reminding myself though that the reality is that I have never done anything like this before and so I didn’t really know what all the little tasks should be.  I learned that I needed to be able to not only add new tasks to the list but also change some of the deadlines I had already set for myself as I learned what I was capable of.  I quickly realized for example that my ability to move through the interval training was going to be slower than I had hoped.  In my head one week would be enough to transition my running up to the next level but the reality was my body was not that quick to be able to adjust and do it. This realization also ended up causing me to re-evaluate and modify my first goal of running a 5K to just being able to complete the 5k as quickly as I can while doing as much of it running as I can. 

So with a little trial and error I was able to come up with a list of things in my head that I knew would help get me where I wanted to go…crossing that finish line on the 14^th.  The best part is setting small goals is that working on them seems so much easier and less daunting than thinking about running a 5K.  I know this topic is probably not the most exciting but I hope that it helps.  I can honestly say that while having a big goal is important there is nothing wrong with breaking down into little mini goals that will help build towards that big goal but also remember to cut yourself some slack and allow for at least a little flexibility in those goals (as long as you are still actively working towards them…hehehe).

Tomorrow I will be writing about one of the things that I think is making the biggest difference not only on this goal to run a 5K but also in my ongoing journey to lose weight and become healthier…it is the idea of tracking. 

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals

Finding My Running Legs – Introduction

Planning to run my first 5K has been an incredibly eye opening experience for me.  It has taken up way more of my time then I expected which is one of the reasons my poor blog has gone ignored all summer.  I have found it to be challenging but in the best ways.  I am incredibly proud of myself for tackling this goal.  Nothing has ever made me feel better about myself.  My journey to try and become a runner is still far from being over but with the Terry Fox Run only two weeks away I figured it was a good time to focus a little on the things I have learned so far.

It has been a long time since I have been this excited about something, which is great but has caused me a few problems especially when it comes to being able to share it with people.  I mean I can talk for hours about it but all that excitement has made it a little tricky for me to actually be able to get blog posts written that are coherent and I’m happy with.  A lot of it is coming down to the fact that I have a lot to say, which is not unusual for me but doesn’t create the most organized of post for my blog.  My solution is to just write a bunch of small focused posts that I will post each day between now and the run.  So for the next 14 days I will share a new lesson that I have learned on this path to find my running legs.

With far too much doodling on scrap paper I have found a way to break up all the things I want to share into four categories to try and give it some semblance for order.  These four categories are goals, my body, my mind/spirit and the outcomes.  I suspect even as I write this intro and do some of the planning for the blog entries themselves that they will also probably overlap at least in some of the cases.  It is my hope that some of it may appeal or help others but mostly I just want to write it all down so I remember it and can get it out of my brain.  I also hope that maybe having something to focus on besides the run will help keep some of my nerves at bay as we get closer to the run.

I hope that all who read this series of posts can find something that inspires and teaches as much as running has taught me.  We should all be so lucky to have something to bring so much positivity and joy into our lives.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

A Personal Weight Loss Milestone

Today was an emotional and exciting day for me.  I achieved a personal goal that has been a long time in coming.  In August 2011 I lost one of my best friends, Will, and although I couldn’t see it at the time the year that followed was incredibly hard for me.  I continued to go to my Weight Watchers meetings but my heart and soul wasn’t in it and slowly over the year that followed I began to put on weight.  In May 2012 I went to a memorial for Will in Iowa and during the long drive there and back (5000km roundtrip) I spent a lot of time thinking.  By the time I got back home I had made the decision to change my life and get back on track.  Well it has taken me two years to finally be able to write this blog entry but as of today I am officially back below the weight I was when Will died.  It has been a long journey but I have never felt prouder of myself than I did this morning.

 

It hasn’t been the easiest of journeys for me.  In fact I have never really struggled to lose weight when I’m working out and following plan but it has been different in the last couple of months.  I have been getting close to this milestone since Christmas.  I was able to get within about 2 pounds of it but then would have a set back and I would gain a few pounds.  It went back and forth like this until I went on a small trip to Kingsfold with a friend.  It is a retreat center where you can go and disconnect from things like electronics and focus on yourself.  The second night I was there I went for a walk and found a quiet bench to sit on.  I felt like Will was with me, which is something I hadn’t felt since he died, and in that moment I realized something.  I wasn’t hitting my weight loss goal because part of me wasn’t really ready to let go of it.  I gained that weight as a way to deal with my grief and letting it go was like really letting go of my best friend and saying good-bye.  As soon as I realized that, something clicked in my brain and I knew it was silly.  Since then minus a couple of small gains my weight has been slowly going down again including today where I hit the goal.

 

At my Weight Watchers meeting today, my leader asked how it felt to finally reach this goal and I got choked up because it was a huge weight off my shoulders.  Letting go of the weight is also letting go of any grief that might still be sticking around.  I will always miss Will.  My life was forever changed because I had him in it.  He taught me so much about myself.  He showed me that there are people out there that will accept me for who I am not for the person I think people want me to be.  I know now though that moving on with my life is not letting him go but it is finding a way to honour him by reaching for all my goals because he was always my biggest cheerleader and that’s what I think he would have wanted for me.

 

Reaching this milestone is just one of the many that I have to mark this journey I’m on but it feels huge.  I still have a long way to go but finally I feel like I’m back on the track I was before my world derailed.  I know that there will still be bumps and curves in the track but I have also learned that I can handle it.  I am learning to trust my instincts, my body and my mind and as long as I keep listening I know they will guide me where I need to go.  I also know that as long as I’m working towards the things that matter most to me, Will would be cheering me on.  He only ever wanted me to be the best that I can be and I am finally doing it.

 

I used this quote in a blog I wrote about Will, I think it came from a card but I wanted to share it because it rings true to me today more than ever, “When a good bye is so unexpected and sudden, when the pain seems unbearable and the loss impossible it is the wise heart that knows that sometimes it has to look back and remember in order to look forward and hope.”

 

Related Blog Entries:

Remembering Will

I'm Back

A New Mission: 35 Firsts

I love setting goals for myself which probably isn’t a shock if you have been reading my blog this year.  There is something very satisfying about having a purpose, something to work towards and although I tried to fight against it for a long time I have come to realize it really does help to make me feel good.  It helps keep me moving forward and working to live the life that I have always wanted.  So it is with this in mind that I came up with a new mission as a way to celebrate my 35^th birthday.  Between now and my 36^th birthday I am going to try and experience 35 firsts.  I’m not sure if it is possible but I’m excited to try and really even if I don’t succeed I’m still going to have a whole bunch of new experiences to add into my world.

This whole mission came about after having a conversation with my Nan.  She is 60 years older than me (making her 95).  When I was visiting with her shortly after her last birthday she said how she got all these cards about turning 95.  I proceeded to tell her that she was wrong she was only 94 to which of course she assured me she was in fact now 95.  The reason for the confusion is that I was positive I was only turning 34 this year.  Somehow I had lost a year and/or forgotten my last birthday.  That realization made me want to do something special this year so that I would remember it.

The thought was still running around in my mind as I was working on finishing up some work on my photo-a-day project from last year.  As I looked at all the photos and the stories I had written I was getting to re-experience some of the cool things I did last year.  I came to the conclusion that part of what made last year so cool and special was I had a lot of firsts – everything from getting both writing and a photograph published to driving to Vancouver to see a concert to trying a world of new food tastes as I explored vegetarianism part time.  When I look back on my journal for last year I realized that although I still had ups and downs over all what I had written was generally positive.  Through my journal I could also see how much I had discovered about myself, my thoughts and my beliefs which I contribute to the many experiences I had.  It just seemed to make sense that opening myself up to new adventures again would probably be a pretty good thing.

Thus the idea was born – 35 firsts before my 36^th birthday.  My small list of firsts that I started to create once I made the decision has all sorts of things on it from locations I would like to see but haven’t to things I want to do but haven’t done and even some foods that I want to try.  I want to grow and explore and learn as much as I can so I can continue to find my place in this world.  It is a desire that has been growing in me as I continue to lose weight.  I no longer want to be defined by how I look or the limitations I have so I guess it means I have to figure out just how I want to be defined.  So I will strive to push the boundaries of my box and my comfort zone but trying new things.

I have a feeling that the next year in my life is going to be the best one yet and I can’t wait to share it with everyone.

Dwarves and Elves and Hobbits Oh My…My Top 5 Memories from the 2014 Calgary Expo

In case you didn’t figure it out from my last post Lessons Learned fromCalgary Expo, this year’s Calgary Expo was amazing.  When I compare my notes to the things I had written in my journal last year or the year before I have to say that this year blew the others out of the water.  The funny thing is my expectations going into this Expo were that it was going to be a much quieter journey.  As with past years I was excited that I was going to get to meet a long time crush (Bill Paxton) and thrilled to be getting to meet an author who greatly inspired the first short fiction stories I ever wrote but other than that as cool as all the guests were I wasn’t fangirling over the list.  That all changed the minute I walked into my first photo op and for the rest of the weekend I was just as excited and thrilled to be there as any other year and by the end of the first full day there Friday I had already decided that this was the best Expo yet. 

All ready for a weekend of crazy!

Over the four days I managed to squeeze in 8 photo ops, 10 autographs, 2 Exposed events and 9 panels (thank god for my VIP ticket).  It was busy and at times overwhelming but each night I fell asleep with a smile on my face.  Of all the things I did and saw I picked the top 5 memories that even a week later are still running through my mind and figured that I would share them.  As I get ready to create my scrapbook these are also the memories that will end up highlighted in the pages of this year’s book and the ones that will keep me in anticipation for what will unfold in 2015.

 

5. Meeting Bill Paxton 

              In the midst of my boy-crazy teen years I remember watching Apollo 13 for the first time (because a boy I liked at the time loved the movie) and deciding that Bill Paxton was kind of cute.  I had seen him in other movies before Apollo 13 but this was the first time I started to develop a crush on him.  The crush was cemented when Twister came out.  I have no clue what it was about that role but I was done.  Well after years and years of having a crush on him since then I knew that I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet him this year.  Unlike past years meeting the guys I had crushes on though I was determined that I would come up with something interesting to ask or talk about when I got his autograph.  I hoped that in planning maybe I could come off calm and collected rather than like a crazy fangirl.  I decided that it was a good idea to play to my strengths and fascinations so I figured it was a great chance to say something or ask something about the Titanic.  Knowing that he has actually gone down to the shipwreck amazes me because it is something I would love to do and after watching his panel I knew it was something he had good memories and associations with.  So first thing Saturday morning I waited patiently in line for my moment to meet him and get his autograph.  My stomach was in knots from excitement/nerves and probably a little because I didn’t really sleep very well Friday night.  When it was my turn I walked up trying to remain cool but Bill threw me for a loop.  Rather than asking for my name he asked what I wanted on my picture and I went silent (I also probably had the deer in the headlight look as I tried to process what he had said).  It was like he had asked the question in another language and at that moment my brain was just not willing to actually figure out what he had asked.  In true Jill fashion I felt my face grow hot from blushing and I started to giggle and panic a little (I really do struggle with trying to remain cool).  He then asked me what my name was and my response was “ummm” followed by a minute of silence (okay it was probably only enough time to breath but as I tried to remember my name it felt like hours of my brain spinning and panic rising).  Finally however I gave him my name and told my brain to shut up and calm down.  After that rocky start I was able to talk to him about the Titanic a little bit.  I left his autograph to him asking me “Are you reading to go back to Titanic” which when I watch the movie always gives me chills but in that moment it almost made me break out laughing again.  It was a great moment and I left all giddy and excited but I certainly know I probably could have done so much better.  I guess the lesson is that next year when I plan on what to say to whichever star is coming I will also have to practice my name.

4. Getting to Listen to the R L Stine  Panel (& meeting him after)

My hero and inspiration - R L Stine

                I wrote a little about R L Stine when I found out he was coming to the Expo in my blog entry EekTime to Find My Inner Cool so I can Impress.  When I first started really trying to write fiction it was R L Stine’s Fear Street books that I used to create my own short fiction.  (Looking back now I’m sure some of the appeal probably came from the fact that I probably wanted to find horrific deaths for various teenagers I encountered.)  As much as I had hoped that I would be able to impress him once again I was struck down with a loss of brain power.  He was a very nice man though and I enjoyed the brief chat I had with him although for the life of me I can’t remember what was said other than me telling him I used to copy his work and that he inspired me to be a writer.  The memory that I will carry with me though came from listening to the spotlight panel on him.  It was really interesting to hear him talk about his writing and to tell us his ghost story.  I have always loved being read to and he has one of those voices that I could listen to for hours.  I have to admit though it was when he was talking about how he writes that I found myself drawn in completely and found the memory I want to keep.  He talked about how he outlines his whole books before he starts writing and how he often has several books on the go at the same time set up on different desks.  Hearing about his process gave me a sort of validation of my own process.  I have been reading some books lately that suggest trying to just go where the writing takes you but having tried and failed that during the month of April I have to say I like my planning way better.  I know when it comes to creative pursuits that everyone has their own process but it is still nice to have my process validated.  It make me feel like maybe there is some hope that I am doing something right and that it might lead me down a path that ends with me getting published.

3. Middle-Earth Exposed
                I have gone to a bunch of these extra events Calgary Expo puts on and I have to say hands down Middle-Earth Exposed was the best.  It was a night to celebrate Richard Taylor the co-founder of Weta.  We got to watch as he transformed one lucky contest winner from a normal person into an orc.  I have to say it was pretty amazing to watch the transformation happen.  You can see the talent and care that goes into creating the creatures we watch on the big screen.   

From Human to Orc Part 1

From Human to Orc Part 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While the make-over was going on we were introduced to all the Middle-Earth gang, starting first with the crew from Lord of the Rings.  It was interesting to hear Billy Boyd, Sean Astin, Craig Parker, Sadwyn Brophy and Mark Ferguson talk about their experiences.  Most interesting to me was listening to Sadwyn.  He was only 5 when he was on the set.  He joked about how he was Liv Tyler’s hot water bottle.  I can only imagine how cool it would have been to be in the middle of such a huge film at that age.   

Sadwyn Brophy, Craig Parker, Billy Boyd, Sean Astin, Mark Ferguson

As much as I loved listening to the Lord of the Rings crew talk it was when the Hobbit gang came out that things got a lot of fun.  Watching Mark Hadlow, Jed Brophy and Dean O’Gorman banter with each other was so much fun.   

Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Dean O'Gorman

As much fun as all of it was including watching the dwarves sing, and Jed and Sadwyn Brophy sword fighting it was when they started to do some improv that things got really good.  I have never laughed as hard as I did that night as I watched Mark Ferguson and Craig Parker tell a story about Harry Potter and Hermione using Billy Boyd, Mark Hadlow, Jed Brophy and Dean O’Gorman as the props.  I was laughing so hard a lot of my pictures didn’t even turn out.  The images of Billy flying around with Mark and Craig attached, or of Jed doing one armed push-ups as Harry’s “wand” or of Craig and Mark going to kiss but with protection are just a few of the pictures that will be ingrained in my mind forever.  It was one of those nights you just don’t want to end.  I would be the first in line to sign up again if Calgary Expo decided to do it again.

Is that your wand or are you just happy to see me?

Billy Boyd as an Owl

Kissing with protection

2.  Meeting all the Middle-Earth Gang 


                Not only are all the men from Middle-Earth hilarious, as they proved at their exposed event, but they are all some of the nicest guests I have ever met.  I had only planned on getting Bill’s autograph this year but after watching them all on stage at the exposed event I decided I wanted a chance to actually meet them and say hi.  (Well okay I had decided I wanted to meet one of them before the evening event but I will talk about that in my number 1 moment.)  I talked about this a little bit in my last blog but because I didn’t have crushes on these guys before the Expo (I totally do now though) I was able to go up to them and just be cool and relaxed.  I was able to be normal…well normal for me anyway.    I was able to have decent conversations with each of them.  I talked about how talented and skilled they all were with Mark Ferguson who seemed really pleased with how Exposed had turned out and happy to talk about the work that went into it.  I joked with Craig Parker about being a VIP and not having to wait in line, followed by him calling me beautiful which made me swoon.  When I went to meet Jed and his son Sadwyn (who totally has the coolest name), Jed remembered me from two days earlier and the photo op I had done which made it easy to chat with him.  Probably the surprise for me though was meeting Sadwyn.  I got to chatting with him and actually had to end the conversation myself so I wasn’t holding up the line.  Of all the stars I have met over the last three years at Expo these guys were the greatest.  Each interaction left me feeling wonderful and special and with a huge smile on my face.  I hope I get the chance to meet them all again sometime.  They were charming, genuine and wonderful.  They of course also are good looking and have amazing accents that I love.  hehehe

Billy Boyd and Sean Astin

Dean O'Gorman, Mark Hadlow, Jed Brophy

Craig Parker, Mark Ferguson

1.   Best Moment for me of the 2014 Expo Meeting was Mark Hadlow (which took me by surprise)
                Of all the moments I enjoyed at this year’s Expo it was my interactions with Mark Hadlow that stands out as my favourite.  Mark Hadlow plays the dwarf Dori in the Hobbit movies and he is totally my favourite now.  He is not the youngest or the best looking but he was so nice to me.  The dwarf team up photo was the very first thing I did at the Expo this year.  When I walked into the picture area Mark gave me a huge smile, welcomed me and asked my name.  The photo ops only last for a few seconds but in those few I felt my whole mood shift from happy to be at expo to being truly excited to be there.  That night when I went home I made the decision that I wanted to go and say hi to Mark again so Friday morning after getting Billy Boyd’s autograph I walked up to his nearly empty line.  As I approached he smiled and said “You were at out photo op yesterday weren’t you Jill.”  I’m sure the smile on my face stretched from ear to ear.  It’s pretty cool to be remembered.  I joked that he looked at my name badge which is how he remembered me.  He countered with he only looked at the badge to confirm what he remembered.  It was the start of a fun chat.  When he signed my autograph he asked “is it ok that I signed it saying you are such a doll”.  I said of course that was fine (as if I was going to say no please start over…heheh).  We chatted a little bit more and he told me that he loved how bubbly and smiley I was.  I walked away standing a little taller and feeling special.  It is not something I experience very often (strangers paying me compliments) but it made a huge impression.  I think meeting Mark set my mood for the whole Expo which in part is why this year was so epic.  I’m sure he and all of them are probably nice to everyone they meet but in those few minutes chatting with him I felt like I was the only person in the room.  It is a pretty special feeling to have and not all of the guests I have met have been able to pull it off as well as Mark Hadlow did.

my favourite autograph ever

 

As exhausted as I was come Monday morning I have no regrets for all that I did or any of the things I had to miss.  When I look back on this year’s Expo I feel as though it changed me.  The memories of this year have followed me this week as have the ideas and lessons I wrote about previously.  The experiences I had this year are going to be hard to top but if I have learned one thing from the last two years is that I’m sure Expo will find a way to beat it next year.  I will look forward with anticipation as the following months pass slowly by until Apr 16, 2015.