Lessons Learned from the Calgary Expo

This year was my third time attending the every wonderful and exciting Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo.  I have to say that this year the word I have been using to describe the weekend has been epic.  As I looked through all my notes (yes I actually took notes so I wouldn’t forget anything and this year I was glad for it) I realized that this year I learned a lot of things about myself.  Some of the things I learned were not really new things or even all that relevant but since I captured these little tidbits in my notes it seems only right that I share some of them, not to mention they are easier to write about currently than an entry to sum it all up.   The lessons are in no particular order.

 

There is nowhere in this world more accepting that a comic convention.

I do not generally like being in big crowds of people because for the most part big crowds means I am more likely to hear people making funny of me.  Negative shouts or calls or other forms of insensitivity that some people think are funny seem to follow me in big groups.  Well the thing with a comic convention is that this doesn’t seem to happen.  I will admit each year I go and expect that it will but each year I am amazed all over again when it doesn’t.  The people that file into the convention for probably a lot of different reasons just don’t seem to pay that much attention to things like my size.  True looking around a convention I’m probably not as out of place as I would be at a different event but it still amazes me not to hear the negativity.  It doesn’t matter what size I am or what things I love people are all just friendly accepting and wonderful.  You can strike up a conversation with anyone and I have never ever felt like I was being judged.  It is truly a refreshing feeling for me.  It lets me relax and just enjoy the good things that come my way while I’m exploring and meeting people I admire.

 

Compliments are the way to change the world. 

This seems a bit silly to put in here because it seems like it should be common knowledge and practice.  There is nothing like a compliment to make you feel good.  I had two experiences at the Expo that left me feeling wonderful about myself and both came from compliments given to me while getting autographs.  The first happened when I went up to meet Mark Hadlow (Dori from the Hobbit movies). I went up and was chatting with him and he called me a doll and said he loved how bubbly and smiley I was.  The second happened when I meet get Craig Parker (Haldir from the Lord of the Rings). We chatted a little bit and after I had my picture taken with him, he asked how it was.  I said that it was beautiful and he replied without blinking an eye no I was beautiful.  I’m sure both of these guys say lovely things to fans all the time but I can tell you I walked away standing taller and feeling better about myself as a person because two strangers took a few seconds to say something nice.  Both of the interactions felt very genuine and made me feel special.  What I realized from these two interactions is that if we all spent as much effort on complimenting each other as we do criticising each other our world would probably be a much happier and more peaceful place.

 

If I relax and be myself people do respond positively to me.

I have always had a hard time meeting new people.  I feel shy and insecure about myself when I am meeting strangers.  I have learned that this is multiplied a lot when it comes to meeting the stars of my favourite movies (especially if they are ones I have had crushes on).  This year though for the first time I really learned that if I just calm down, relax and be myself the reactions I get are amazing.  I found this with each and every one of the actors from The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings movies that I met this year.  I like the movies but I have never been all gaga over the stars (well at least not the ones who were here this year anyway).  So when I went up to get autographs I was more relaxed and just myself.  In each case I had these amazing interactions and conversations with them.  It felt genuine and wonderful and surprisingly easy.  There were the two interactions I talked about above but those weren’t the only ones I had.  The other interaction that most sticks out that really made me realize that maybe I’m not so bad was my conversation with Sadwyn Brophy (Eldarion in Return of the King).  We had a fun little conversation that I actually cut short because there were more people in line and I didn’t want to keep him.  I didn’t think anything of it until I was talking to another expo goer who said when she went to get autographs he looked bored so she didn’t ask for his or talk to him.  I assumed it was maybe later in the day or something but found out that she was actually in line only a few minutes after me.  By being my normal self I was able to interact with him and get him smiling and laughing with little effort.  Friends have often told me that they love the way I can draw people in and I always shrugged it off because it is not at all how I see myself and maybe now I’m reading too much into it but if all it takes is for me to be myself I guess I will just have to try and remember that for the future, especially if it means I get the interactions I actually want to have with the talented people that I admire.

 

Boys with accents make me melt especially when using words like love, lovely and beautiful when talking to me.

This is certainly not a new lesson.  Accents are one of the many reasons I love to travel.  Let me tell you though as I walked around the expo and sat in on panels I was reminded time and time again just how sexy accents are.  I also think some of it comes from the fact that in North America we don’t seem to use the same words that they use elsewhere in the world (of course if a guy I met from Calgary called me love I don’t think it would come off as good anyway).  Even though in a lot of cases it is just a generic term I still get all giddy when I hear it.  The main example of this was with Tom Felton.  During his panel he called all the girls either Love or Lovely when he thanked them for their questions.  It is obvious it is just something he says but when he said thank you love to me after his photo op I melted.  It is silly because although I think he is great in the Harry Potter movies I never had a crush on him really or anything (I was too busy think bad thoughts about Snape) but at that moment I was smitten and it was entirely the accent.

 

Saying thank you with a big smile will always get you a smile back. 

This is another one of those lessons that I already knew but not something I always remember.  This year I made it my goal to make sure no matter what the volunteers said to me I would smile and thank them.  I wear my emotions on my face and if I’m disappointed about something I struggle to not show it.  Last year at least a couple times I found myself frustrated with the volunteers.  I am not the type of person to express that frustration to their face but I know that it was written across my face which the volunteers don’t need to see. They do their best even if they don’t always have the answers I want.  This year I was determined though that no matter what I would smile and say thank you.  It worked wonderfully.  Even the few times the volunteers didn’t know and just suggested I walk further and ask someone else I smiled and thanked them.  Each and every time they smiled back and if they didn’t have answers they always said sorry.  I hope that they never felt any frustration from me and only felt the gratitude I have for them.  The thing I wasn’t expecting though was how good it made me feel.  Positivity begets more positivity.  When someone smiles back at you it is contagious and it makes me feel good and smile a little more.  The funny thing is after one incident with one of the volunteers I turned away from her and continued smiling as one of the golf carts carrying one of the stars (I’m not sure who he was but I know I had seen him in one of the autograph booths) and I caught his eye and suddenly then he smiled back.

 

Sometimes you just have to say F it and do it anyway.

This has been a philosophy I have adopted in the last little while.  It has led me to taking more chances and to pushing me to expand my world.  This philosophy is probably not always the best one to adopt (especially at Expo when money is involved) but I have to say that it has done me good. This philosophy was what I applied when it came to meeting all the Middle-earth gang.  I had no intention of getting any of their autographs except for Billy Boyd and Sean Astin but after Mark Hadlow was so nice to me in my photo op I decided I wanted to meet him and it went from there.  Sure it cost me a small fortune for a chance to talk with each of them but they are some of the memories that I will carry with me from now on.  The responsible side of me knows I could have spent that money on something else but the joy I got from each of those meetings is more than worth it.  I won’t ever regret spending the money I did over the weekend.

 

Having a plan is a good thing but being open to new things can be eye opening.

This one goes with the lesson from above I think.  I am a list maker and each Expo I have a plan with exactly what I want to do.  I learned my very first year that this approach may not be the best one to have the best Expo.  Not accomplishing my list often leaves me feeling sad and disappointed and in a world of line ups and delays it’s pretty likely that things aren’t going to go as planned.  This year I still made a list but I prioritized it better as well as leaving space for me to have other adventures.  As I mentioned above meeting all the Middle-earth gang was not planned and that turned out really well fo  me.  Another unplanned thing that turned out to be completely enjoyable and got me interested in something new was the Aliens Exposed event.  I didn’t buy tickets for this event until two days before.  I wasn’t interested because I have to admit that I have never actually seen more than clips of any of the Alien movies.  When I bought the ticket the only reason I did was because I knew in going to the Exposed event I would get another chance to see and hear more from Bill Paxton.  It is such a hormonal fangirl thing to do but I guess really that is who I am.  LOL.  The funny thing is that after seeing more clips and listening to all the actors talk I can’t help but want to see it.  I may have even ordered the quadriolgy so that I can watch it.  It is not the first time I have discovered something geeky late because of something I have seen or heard at Expo.  Most of these new things come from sitting in panels because I have a blank space in my schedule and I want to sit down.  I owe the expansion of not only my DVD collection but my likes to Calgary Expo.

 

Packing your own food as a way to remember to eat was not as successful as I hoped.

This year as I continue down the path of a healthier lifestyle I was determined more than ever to try and keep things healthy while at Expo.  In the previous two years I have gone and I have often just forgotten to eat.  Whether I was distracted or my feet were just too sore to walk to get food it was far too easy for me to skip eating and just grab fast food on the way home.  So this year I went with the plan that if I brought food and had it with me I would have no excuse.  I picked up healthy snacks (fruit, veggies, cheese, and stuff for sandwiches) and prepared food to take with me.  It did mean that when I did finally realize I was hungry (often way past the point where I should have eaten) that I had something healthy to snack on which is good but sadly it didn`t help me at all to remember to eat.  Saturday and Sunday which were my busiest days I ended up coming home and realizing that I had barely touched the food I brought with me.  Of course the good thing is that I could eat the prepared food instead of fast food when I was uploading the day’s photos.  Apparently when running around being an over excited fangirl my hunger signals just get lost in the shuffle.  Next year I will plan food the same way but I think I’m going to have to actually schedule some breaks for food so that I actually do take the time to eat something.  Come to think of it this would probably help with my end of day mood as well.  Hopefully I will feel less exhausted and just content from whatever the day had brought me.

 

Too much of a good thing can be overwhelming, so I must remember to take breaks.

This goes along with the lesson above as well.  As much as I really want to see and do everything it is quite exhausting.  Saturday was my busiest day with 5 photo ops, 7 autographs, 2 panels and Aliens Exposed.  When it came to the end of the day I was exhausted but more than that when it came to my last photo op of the day I don`t think I even really acknowledged it was happening.  I live for those moments generally so it`s a little sad to realize I had one that fell a little flat.  It is just becomes a reminder that although I want to do everything if I`m not going to get the excitement and joy out of it maybe it would be better off waiting for another time when I will be able to really enjoy it.  I’m still learning the ins and outs of taking care of my mental wellbeing so this is sort of a big lesson to take with me for next year.  I can do everything I want I just can’t do it all at once.

 

I am blessed to live in a city full of people willing to work hard, volunteer and come together to give me (and everyone else) the chance to fulfill dreams and fantasies.

This last lesson is also not really new to me.  I have thought it each year I have gone to the Expo.  It amazes me that there are so many people willing to volunteer and help out.  I have to admit that I don`t know that I could ever give up my time and volunteer for the Expo even though I often think I should.  I know it makes me sound selfish (which I openly admit to being a lot of the time in other situations) but as much as I think it is a great idea to volunteer I don`t think I could ever do it.  Maybe as I learn to find more balance in the schedule I create this will change but for now I would much rather attend than help.  That being said I do know and value the amount of care and work that goes into this show.  I completely realize that because there are people out there that are less selfish than me, I am able to have the experiences I crave.  I am filled with gratitude for that.  This year I found that my experiences with the volunteers and staff were amazing.  I had volunteers who went out of their way to help me (even one girl who ran after me to give me an answer she had found out after I had walked away).  It was wonderful and I just want each and every one of them to know that I think they are great.  Without the wonderful volunteers I wouldn’t get to spend the next year dreaming about all the cool things I will experience next year.

 

Thank you to everyone who was a part of the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo this year.  Thank you to the guests who came out and were willing to meet all us crazy fans and to the staff who organized everything.  Thank you again to the volunteers who were willing to answer questions and point me in the right way.  Thank you for giving me a weekend of amazing memories and moments.  It is not every day that you get to find a wonderful blend of reality and fantasy that creates an epic adventure full of memories.  Keep up the good work and I can`t wait to see what you have in store for us next year.

My Christmas Wish

I have to admit I struggle with Christmas each year.  I love the idea of the holiday but Christmas and I just don’t tend to get along.  I tend to find that if something bad is going to happen to me it seems to happen around Christmas (or maybe I’m just more sensitive to the things that happen at this time of year).  I always go into the season with the hope and expectation that things will be amazing & wonderful.  Sadly, I usually find myself disappointed.  I don’t think I’m alone in this - I think lots of people build up Christmas and are disappointed when it doesn’t go as planned.  I also think that I can’t possibly be the only one that suffers with wanting feel more Christmassy (I mean there is even that song “Where are You Christmas” by Faith Hill).  I have to double my efforts to try keeping a positive attitude during this time of year but -- my family can attest to this -- my best efforts aren’t always successful.  This year it feels even tougher for me.  I am finding that my mood is not very Christmassy and I decided to try and do something about it this year. 

When I started to try and figure out when my mood shifted and began to drop, I realized that it was as soon as I was done organizing, wrapping and dropping off the gifts that I had arranged for the Christmas family I adopted.  Adopting a Christmas family has been a tradition that we have done at work as long as I have been there (7 years for those who are wondering).  It is something I have always loved helping with and was excited to be able to take the lead on last year.  This year I wasn’t sure how it would work because my workplace is still displaced from the floods in June so the traditional fundraising we would do was not as practical or easy to arrange.  Logistically this meant I was fighting an uphill battle to get the funds I needed to give a special family an amazing gift.  The Christmas family gave me a purpose for the month of November.  I was on the hunt for the perfect gifts for the family.  I’m not normally a shopper but when I hit the malls for my Christmas family I feel like I’m on top of the world.  Once it was done though I felt my usual wave of disappointment because I had lost that sense of purpose.  I feel this year that sense of disappointment seemed stronger but I think that is just because it was such a surprising year.  I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be the most successful of gift drives (and had even set aside a large chunk of my own Christmas budget to go towards the family) but I was blown away by the generosity of my friends and co-workers.  I honestly think that this was the most successful year.  It has left me just wanting to do more.

This desire to do more led me to the idea for my Christmas wish which is for a happier, kinder, more generous world.  Now sadly I don’t have a magic wand or a fairy godmother to actually make this wish happen for the world but I can make this happen for a few random people that happen to cross my path between now and Christmas.  I will do my best to try and make a small difference in the world directly around me.  I don’t have a true plan yet but I know that the more good deeds I can do the better I will feel.  Now please don’t get me wrong I try to do good things year round because I have always felt a strong drive to try and make a difference for people but at this time of year I actually crave the mood boost that comes with those good deeds more.

More than that though, my wish is for anyone who is reading this blog (I know it’s not a huge list of people) to also go out and try the same thing.  Ask your own friends to join in this mission.  I would love to see everyone go out and do something unexpected and wonderful for someone else.  Shovel a walk for a neighbour, hold open a door for someone, volunteer somewhere, buy a coffee for the person in line behind you – just go out and do something positive and nice for someone be they family, friend, neighbour or stranger.  This time of year as we rush around and get stressed out you would be amazed at how great you will feel knowing you made someone else smile (and I promise that even if you don’t see it, you will make the recipient smile – for all the good deeds I have done I have also been blessed enough to experience some of it in return).  I would love to read about your own experiences in the comments section at the end of this post.  Share your own stories, help give me ideas for more I can do and let’s show the world that there are people who are willing to do nice things for other people just because they can.  Let’s find a way to bring a little more peace, goodwill and holiday cheer to our world (even if it is just the small part we as individuals take up on this planet).  I promise if you are suffering from lack of that Christmassy feeling that after you do even just one good deed you will start to feel it.

Join with me for the next ten days and try to do something good for someone.  Let’s show the world how generous we can really be by putting our best foot forward.  We can create a happier, kinder and more generous world one good deed at a time.

Sometimes the Stars Line Up

The older I get the more I am really starting to believe things happen for a reason.  Some people would argue that it is just coincidences or that we see reason behind the things we want to see reason behind but today once again I was confronted the idea that sometimes things are just meant to be.  We may not always get it or understand what is going on but sometimes we are just in the right spot at the right time.

It was announced today that Alberta Health Services is withdrawing the lease on the Holy Cross Center which sadly means that I will be changing work locations.  We don’t have any details or know where we are going but I will admit it stresses me out a little bit.  I have struggled the past few months with the longer commute time and the fear that now it will be permanent or god forbid it might even be longer depending on where we move.  This has me questioning everything from what I value to what I’m willing to sacrifice for a paycheck.  The reality is questioning my job and my role there is not something new – this has just added a new level to the questions.  It is just another thing on the con side of the list.

The good news in all of this is that instead of being at work and dealing with the drama that is no doubt unfolding there I am still on holidays.  Being at Rosebud right now is probably the very best thing for me.  I don’t have to listen to all the rumours or deal with other people who have the same questions I do.  Not only that but as the only guest in the Inn tonight I have a quiet place to relax, unwind and begin the process of sorting everything out.  If I was at home not only would I be dealing with all the rumours and craziness but I also have my parents visiting so time on my own would not be as easily found.  No matter what goes on in my life being on my own has always been the only way I can actually sort through and deal with anything that causes me stress.  Being alone allows me the freedom to let my brain just run without having to filter the emotions that come with it.  There is nothing worse than trying to sort stuff out with a bunch of people asking you if you are okay when you have that far away distant look on your face.  So being away is a blessing in disguise.  This trip has been planned for probably 6 months or more but it certainly couldn’t have happened at a better time.

The other thing that sort of hit me as being random and maybe meant to be about the timing of the announcement is that last night I found myself questioning things.  I was sitting watching a gorgeous sunset at Horsethief Canyon.  This canyon is amazing and beautiful.  It made me feel small and yet connected to our world.  I was the only person there and with nothing to do but watch the sun slowly sink over the horizon my brain was free to wander.  I don’t necessarily know what my thoughts are on god and religion but I was asking questions of myself and/or someone that may have been listening.  The main question I was asking is if it was time for me to move on at work?  I don’t have an answer to this question but it is funny that things that could help sway my choice happened the next day.  Sure you can argue coincidence but again more and more I think sometimes things are just meant to be.  Of course reading it as a sign is probably a bit of stretch for where my brain is at right now but it is funny how things happen.

Of course now the question is what do I make of everything that is happening?  Thankfully I guess I’m still very logical when it comes to working things out and that means that although the day is coming when I’m going to have to decide once and for all if I want to continue to work where I am or if I’m going to try and find something new, I am not going to have to make that decision right away.  I do think that it means it is time to really consider what I want, what I’m looking for and what would really make me happy.  It is probably also time to pull out my resume and make sure that it is actually up to date.

The world is full of questions and I guess I have found a few more to add to my list.  So for tonight I guess it was enough to just write about it and get it off my chest and out in the world.  Now I shall sit back and enjoy the quiet of the sleepy little town of Rosebud.  I will listen to the crickets and continue work on my novel banishing all the heavy thoughts until I return back to Calgary and am forced to deal with them head on.

When Desire & Action are in Conflict

I often feel the urge to write, to spill my guts into either a blog entry or my journal. Writing is a great way for me to work through whatever is going on in my brain. It stops the spinning and slows things down so I can figure out what is really going on. So the other night when I found myself up most of the night I realized that there was something trying to get out. I tried to journal the thoughts first but that wasn’t enough. Next I started to write a blog entry on my phone but that didn’t seem to work either. So I tossed and turned with the thoughts racing and just kept hoping for sleep. Eventually I did get some, although not much.

Friday night after work (still very much sleep deprived) I was determined to put my thoughts into something that made sense so that I could stop the spinning and maybe be able to share them with everyone. I wrote and wrote but quickly found that I wasn’t going anywhere. The thoughts were still spinning and the questions kept popping up. I was getting nowhere fast. The only thing that I was accomplishing was to drive myself crazy and to further frustrate my brain. Giving up I closed the blog entry and turned my attention to other things but have kept the feeling of needing to write something all weekend. Sadly however the thoughts have been in conflict with my typing fingers.

Sunday mornings a few of my friends and me often get together at a Starbucks to work on writing. It is during these meeting of creative minds that I often find a little clarity on my own struggles with writing. I consider each member of the little group to be amazing writers and incredibly brilliant. Whether they realize it or not they encourage me to push myself, to learn and to grow as a writer and a thinker. Today was no different. We got on to the topic of my unwritten blog entry and as I explained what was going on and listened to them respond I began to realize something. A big part of my problem on Friday was that while I knew the topic that I wanted to write about I was getting paralyzed by doubt, guilt and even a little fear that surrounds that topic for me. These feelings do not mesh all that well with a spinning brain and desire to write so it is no wonder I was struggling so much with what I wanted to say. I was so busy worrying about how people would react to my topic that I couldn’t write it which in turn means no one can react to it anyway (It’s a rather safe little bubble that I suppose I could choose to stay in but that probably wouldn’t help solve anything).

Along time ago I gave up caring what people think about me, say about me or even believe about me. It was a choice I made to help become happier and more confident in the gifts that I have to offer. It is something that hasn’t always been easy but it does help so that I worry much less about things I can’t control. I have also brought this attitude with me as I do any writing. I have never cared if someone was going to read my blog or enjoy my fiction. I write because I want to write. I feel like it is something I need to do. It is one of the few things I do just for me because it makes me feel good. So the question became why did it become so hard to write this specific entry (which for those of you who are wondering has to do with spirituality, ghosts, paranormal and my beliefs surrounding these things)?

What I realized today is that now that I know people (both friends and family) are actually reading my blog it is a little more daunting to talk about something that I have talked about so little with anyone. It is a topic that is incredibly personal and one that I always worry people will think I’m nuts if I share too much. It is so much easier to write something personal if you are busy thinking no one is going to read your words anyway. It is so much easier to pour your soul into something if it is anonymous. Putting things down in writing makes them real and putting it online means the world can see it. Good or bad it will be out in the world for all to judge and form opinions on.

Anyway long story short I have a new focus and determination to actually explore and write about the things that are going on in my brain. I have always wanted my blog to be straightforward and completely true to who I am and I shall continue to strive for that. The blog is about my journey in life and currently spirituality and the questioning of it, is what is important and going on. This is a part of me and as worried as I am about the reaction I know the people that love and support me will love and support me regardless of what I say. I hope everyone will keep an open mind and understand that these are just my thoughts and feelings. They are what they are whether you like them or not.

I hope that anyone that is reading this blog will continue to read along, indulge me in my ponderings and enjoy the ride as I keep wandering along this journey called life.