2014 Monthly Goal Check-In for April/May

Wow is all I can say about the last two months.  I have had some amazing moments in those months and have been kept fairly busy.  I have been adapting to a fuller schedule as I continue on my journey to become healthier.  I am loving life right now though and wake up each morning with a smile on my face, even though I am waking up at the crack of stupid.

If you want to read a bit more about my resolutions feel free to check out my previous posts:

New Year’s Resolutions Past and Present (the first post)

2014 Monthly Goal Check-In for March

1) Move More/Lose More
I am feeling the most proud of this goal right now.  I am consistently hitting 10,000 steps each day and on at least half of the week I am also hitting over 11,000.  The biggest change in the last two months with this goal is the fact that I joined the gym and am going most mornings to use the treadmill.  It is a bit challenging especially on weekdays because in order to get the work out in before starting my job, I’m getting up at 4:30am.  I will admit that there are days I question my sanity and my drive to do this but what has kept me going is the knowledge that the more work I do now the easier it is going to be to do my first 5K in September.  I have taken to visualizing how good it is going to feel when I cross the finish line to help keep me moving.  It makes even the hardest days on the treadmill a little bit easier.

I’m also incredibly excited with the ‘lose more’ part of this goal.  In the last two months I have done extremely well with my weight loss.  Since the middle of April, when I started regularly going to the gym, my weight has for the most part been steadily going down.  The total weight loss for 2014 now stands at 14 pounds (with 10.9 of that being lost in since the middle of April).  I also hit a huge personal milestone this month and finally lost all the weight I had gained when my friend Will passed away.  You can read about that here. 

2) One Day a Week Vegetarian
The last couple of months have been bad for this goal.  As my schedule has gotten busier and my time shorter I have to admit that my meal planning has lacked a bit.  As soon as meal planning lacks my meat free days tend to fall to the sidelines because I don’t have as many recipes yet that I can just make at the drop of hat and know that I will love.  I am trying though and have made it my mission to get back to full meal plans each week instead of the quick ones I have been doing which will also mean getting back to my meat free days.

3) Regular Blog Posts
Writing blogs much like meal planning has been a challenge.  I am learning that I have far too many hobbies and things going on in my life to keep up with it all without plans in place.  I’m working on find a new balance that will let me get the things I really want to do done.  So for the month of June my mission for this particular goal is to post a blog entry once a week which will mean 5 entries including this one – only four more to go.

4) 365 Photo-a-Day Project
I am very happy that this goal is still running along smoothly.  I have continued to take photos each day and have started the process of getting them turned into digital pages that I can print.  I really do love this project and I love looking back on my 2013 pages.  As a side I also finished the last of my 2013 pages so I just have to send them off and I can officially say last year’s project is done.

5) Read 50 Books
I am now up to 18 books read this year, which apparently puts me 2 books behind schedule for hitting my 50 by the end of the year.  This doesn’t worry me yet because I think I’m still doing better than I was last year at this time.  I have been reading quite a mix of books and have found a few new favourites in the last two months.  The two that stand out most in my brain are The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and Skinny by Donna Cooner.  Both were easy reads but both had me in tears at the end for different reasons.  I am continuing to make reading a priority and try to read at least a chapter a day.  In order to hit my goal though I really need to spend a little more time reading on my weekends so that shall be the plan for June.

6) Nanowrimo challenge Complete a Draft of Conor’s Story
Well I attempted to do the Nanowrimo challenge in April but just didn’t have enough time to get it done.  I may have done better if I had used Conor’s story rather than the story that came from my dream but oh well.  I did learn that I really am a planner.  As interesting as it was to try and write a story I hadn’t planned I struggled a great deal with it.  I like to know the story fairly well before I try to write it so that when I start writing it just flows.  This allows me to feel like I’m making progress and not just messing around.  It is not a complete loss though because at least now I know how to best channel my creativity to get results.  It is all about outlining and planning.  I’m just a geek that way I guess.  Hehe!

As for Conor’s story well sadly I haven’t had much of a chance to work on it, well at least not with pen and paper anyway.  I have discovered that the treadmill is a great place to work on the ideas in my head.  I am slowly filling my phone up with notes taken while I’m walking.  It has been pretty wonderful.  When I get the chance to sit down with Conor’s story I feel like it will flow well.

At the end of March I wrote that I was feeling excited about the way my life was going.  I was looking forward to starting at the gym and I have to say that the last couple of months have not disappointed.  I have been feeling strong, positive and driven.  I have been feeling like I can take on any task that I come up with and that I will find success.  I am amazed in a lot of ways how truly positive I feel about everything right now.  It gives me hope that this year really will be the best year of my life to date.

Eek - Time to Find My Inner Cool so I can Impress...

...or at least not make a fool of myself

 

There are only a handful of things in my life that I am completely sure of and one of those things is that I want to be an author.  (Ugh is it just me or does that sound very Twilighty…LOL) Writing has always been something that feels very natural to me.  There is nothing I love more than opening a new notebook and putting a pen to paper or letting my fingers fly over the keyboard as I fill a blank page with type.  It calms me and focuses me.  While writing it is one of the times that I can make my brain be quiet (I know that sounds backwards but it’s the only way I can explain it) and not worry about anything.  If I’m having a bad day there is nothing that can make it right faster than sitting down to create something with words whether it is a blog or journal entry, a piece of fiction or even a poem.  The simple fact is I love words and all the promise/hope they bring.  I share this so you can understand the significance of what I’m about to write about.  It has me so excited my brain is doing laps around itself screaming excitedly.

Over the last two years I have been letting my hidden geek out and going to meet some of my all-time favourite stars at the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo.  I consider myself very lucky to have been able to meet some of my long time crushes.  Well once again this year I have bought my ticket and I’m ready to geek out for a weekend.  I expected that by the time April rolled around I would be bouncing off the wall for some cute actor but what I wasn’t expecting is that as of right now it’s not a famous actor that I’m excited for but it is one of my favourite author’s from my childhood.  Calgary Expo announced that R. L. Stine is coming.  (Even writing this sentence makes me want to jump for joy and run around screaming – I so have no hope of ever being cool.)

 

There are a handful of authors from my childhood that stand out because they told stories in ways that caught my imagination.  People like C.S. Lewis, Lucy Maud Montgomery, E.B White, Gordon Korman and of course R.L. Stine are just a few of my favourites that helped me not only develop a love of reading but also helped to create a desire within me to want to write.  These are authors of books that I devoured over and over again (heck even now as an adult I still often re-read them).   It was through them that I began to see the power of language.  The ability to teach, entertain or even just transport someone to another place are all things that I loved (and still love) about words.  Reading author’s that I would consider masters of the world of words inspired me to want to do the same.  I knew that I had stories I want to share and tell and they offered me a glimpse of how I could do it.

 

I began to carry around a notebook with me all the time even way back in elementary school.  I would fill them with random poems or short little excerpts of writing.  I still have all my old writing and let me tell you it is all pretty silly and bad but it was a start.  As I started to get a little older I began to want to get better so I began to take ideas from television or other novels and see what I could come up with.  My very first short stories of any length were actually stolen ideas and images from R.L Stine’s Fear Street books.  I began to create creepy tales that allowed me to do things that I couldn’t do in real life.  I will admit there were probably a few characters that saw the darker side of my pen because of the stuff I put up with in school but at least it gave me a safe and sane outlet right? ;-) 

 

Needless to say when I saw the guest announcement on Thursday I was over the moon with excitement.  I could hardly focus at work and instantly I was trying to remember where I put the box of my old favourite books so I could dig out the old Fear Street books and re-read them again.  With the excitement though there is also a level of panic that is sneaking in.  I am about to meet one of the authors that I admire and that put me onto a path that will one day hopefully end up with me and a published novel (or 2 or 3).  What the heck do you say to someone like that?  I mean sure I have been nervous about meeting childhood crushes but this is so much more - without author’s like Stine who knows what I would be doing with my free time.  I feel the pressure to be witty and intelligent and actually be able to say something to him that will not make me seem like a foolish fan girl.  This is the sort of pressure that usually has me running for the hills to hide behind an email (because I can totally write something intelligent – I think anyway).  I guess the good news is that I have a few months to work on it.  With a little luck I will be able to put something into my brain that won’t just fly out right at the moment I saw hi to him.  I will try however to keep the panic at bay and just enjoy the excitement of knowing that I’m going to get to meet someone that unbeknownst to him, helped to shape my whole desire to be a fiction writer.

New Year’s Resolutions Past and Future

The end of one year and the start of a new one creates the perfect time to wipe the slate clean and start over.  Each year I am one of the many that creates resolutions to help guide me on the year to follow and also like many I think they are often quickly forgotten and pushed to the side.  This year was a little different for me, if only because I had the resolution documented so I couldn’t forget them.  I’m actually proud of my resolutions for 2013 because all of them except for one was at least attempted.  So on this last day of the year I want to quickly look back at my resolutions for 2013 and share my new resolutions for 2014 (some of which will look pretty familiar).

In 2013 I came up with four things I wanted to work towards, all of which were things that work towards my overall life goals.  They were to move more, complete a 365 day photo project, complete another Nanowrimo challenge and read fifty books.  Each of these resolutions have had their own challenges and they are also ones that I have ignored in other years so I was pretty determined to complete them.

The resolution to move more was probably the easiest of all the resolutions because it was vague enough not to give me outlandish goals but still specific enough to get me up off the couch.  This resolution took me a while to actually fulfill because it wasn’t until I got my fitbit that I actually could see that I was actively working towards moving more.  I have already written about how wonderful this change has been for me.  It has been incredibly powerful to see results that I want and at a steady pace.  I feel like this resolution is one that I can check off as being completed without any second thoughts. 

The second resolution is also one that I’m happy to say was a success.  In 2012 I started to do a picture a day with the plan of completing an album of 365 moments that would have made up my year.  I did not complete this project in 2012 – in fact I made it to October and completely gave up on it which made me even more determined to do it this year.  I mean really I was so close to be done it was silly to stop.  I’m ecstatic to say that I have completed this project (my very last photo is of the movie poster for The Book Thief which I saw this afternoon).  The difference this year is that I created and printed the pages as I went along.  As I started to see the finished pages coming to the house I realized how truly special and great this project is.  I think it is my favourite album that I have created to this point in my life as a scrapbooker.  This year was an amazing year in a lot of ways and I have it all captured to remember forever.  I highly recommend everyone doing something like this.   There were times it felt like a drag or I would wonder how much I would really like to see hundreds of pictures of my cat or my dinners but when I look at the album even those pictures are pretty special and tell a story.

My third resolution is the one disappointment of the year.  I did not do Nanowrimo this year.  I had planned on signing up to do the summer camp version again which was being held in July. I signed up with intentions of working on a novel I have been researching for a bit but after the craziness of the floods in June I just couldn’t seem to get to a spot where I could actually focus and get to work.  I had a second opportunity to try in November and I did consider it but November is a notoriously busy month for me because of the work I put into our adopted Christmas family so rather than disappoint myself with an unfinished goal I put it to the side for the year.

My last resolution to read fifty books was actually added towards the end of the first week of January.  I have always loved reading but since graduating from university I have found that I don’t do as much of it as I would like.  I’m far too easily distracted by other things and even with the resolution I still didn’t quite make it to my goal.  I read 28 books this year.  I am a little disappointed by this but at the same time I’m pretty sure it is more than I have read in any year since I left university.  What I wasn’t expecting from this resolution though is that I would fall in love with fiction again.  A lot of the reading I had been doing was more research type books.  I got lost in a world of history and forgot how much fun losing myself in fiction could be.  Of all four resolutions this one was by far the most fun to try and achieve and so I don’t consider it a failure only getting part of the way to the end – it just means I have to try again.

Now as we stand at the start of a brand new year and I have done the look back it is time to look forward.  I have once again created a list of resolutions and much like last year I’m going to document them so that they stay fresh and I actually work towards them.  I plan on looking back at the end of 2014 and having even more check marks for completed resolutions.  So here is the list for 2014:

·         Move More/Lose More

o   With my fitbit I get a weekly report of what my average steps per day is and I plan on recording that on my blog page.  My last week was not my best week but it is the starting point.  I average 6,535.  This time next year I would like to see that number doubled.  Of course with moving more I expect to see my weight continue to drop.  This will be especially important because I have big plans for 2015 and I don’t want to be slowed down by my weight.

·         At least one day a week is a vegetarian day

o   In the summer this past year I decided to try to go part time vegetarian and I loved it.  I have continued to have meat free days and want to keep this going.  I love the variety it has brought into my diet and I look forward to continuing to explore other food choices.

·         Regular blog posts

o   I try to be good about posting but having just cleared out my blog posts folder on my computer and I realized that I write a lot that I never post.  So this year I will try to not let fear/nerves get in the way from me posting.  It also encourages me to set aside time each week to do some writing which also helps me keep motivated on working on my fiction

·         365 Photos for 2014

o   I wasn’t sure I was going to put this on the list again.  I loved my 2013 project but it has felt like a burden at times but at the same time like I said above it is one of my favourite albums so how could I not do it again.  I expect 2014 to be filled with just as many memories that I want to capture.

·         Read 50 books

o   Yep this one is back again too.  What can I say but I hate to see things incomplete so it is back and this year I will do it.  I have proved to myself in the last couple months I am capable of reading a book a week so I just have to make sure I do it consistently this year.

·         Complete a Nanowrimo challenge

o   That’s right it is another of my resolutions that has come back.  I just want to prove to myself that the first year I did this and completed a novel wasn’t a fluke – besides I also figure it is a good excuse to actually get my Titanic/WWI novel written.

I have to say that as great as 2013 was for me I am more excited to see what 2014 has in store.  I feel like each year just gets better and better so how can next year not be amazing.  I think as each year goes by I get closer and closer to being the person I really want to be. 

Before I end this post I just want to take a minute and wish you all a very Happy New Year.  I hope that 2014 is a stellar year for all of us.  I hope it will be a year filled with good deeds, good friends and a whole lot of memories.

My 10 Most Memorable Moments of 2013

It is that time of year when everyone starts to reflect on the year that was as it quickly comes to an end.  As all the programs begin to pop up with lists of the top stories, movies, songs, ect I decided that it was a good idea.  This year has been an eventful year to say the least and I figure it deserves to be remembered for the good and the bad.  So here it is my top 10 most memorable moments of 2013.

10. The Package Tour

                With the cancellation of my Creative Memories showcase I suddenly had vacation time and no plans but as luck would have it in Vancouver at the same time New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men were making a stop for The Package Tour.  It was boy band heaven for me and I couldn’t believe my luck when I was able to get really great tickets.  The night of the concert I got to wallow in nostalgia and enjoy some great looking men and fun music.  It was a night to remember.  I screamed, sang out loud and even got touched by Donnie (twice).  I was a teenager again for a few hours.  It was by far one of the best concerts I have ever been too.

 

9.  Invasion of the birds 

                Cedar Waxwings birds came to my neighbourhood on two separate occasions in March and took over the trees, bushes and airspace.  I grabbed a few photos from my window because I didn’t want to scare them off but then headed outside.  They didn’t all take off and in fact they didn’t seem to pay much attention to me at all. As impressive as it was from in the house I was blown away by the sight when I came out.  The noise was unbelievable.  The neighbourhood was alive with the squawking of hundreds of birds.   They played in the snow and stripped the bushes of any berries that had started to show up and when they were done they all took off together.  It was like a great big team.  When they lifted up all you could hear was the flapping of the wings.  It was pretty phenomenal.  I hope to see them again in 2014. 

 8.  Success of my Christmas Family

                Without a doubt the moment I’m most proud of this year was a month in the making.  With the help of friends and co-workers I was able to put together almost $1000 in gifts and gift cards for a family dealing with cancer.  Adopting a family at Christmas is something we do at work each year but with all the relocation of us because of the flood I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fundraise like we normally would.  I made the decision to adopt a family regardless even if it meant I had to donate a bunch of my own money to make it a success.  I had my doubts I was going to be able to pull it off but the night it came to wrap and I began to unpack bags I was filled with joy.  I knew that this was going to make a difference for one family and that they would be able to have an amazing holiday because of how generous the people in my life were.  To me that is what Christmas is and my Christmas was made when I dropped it off at the hospital.

 

7.  Meeting Cary Elwes

                For my second year attending the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo the highlight of the whole weekend was getting to meet Cary Elwes.  I developed a crush on him when I first saw the Princess Bride when I was a young girl.  That movie became one of my favourite all time movies and I still watch it anytime I get sick.  When I found out Chris Sarandon and Cary Elwes were coming to the Expo I was so excited.  Friday when the doors opened I knew where my first stop was going and quickly made my way to the autograph section and found where Cary was signing.  It took me a minute to get the courage to go up but I did.  He was so nice.  I quickly told him he was one of my first crushes to which he replied that I was a sweetheart (probably well trying to figure out if I was harmless or crazy).  It made my whole Expo.

               I do have to admit though that it was hard to pick just one moment from Expo this year.  I had so much fun and met so many of my favourite actors including but not limited to Nathan Fillion, Michael Shanks and MacGyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson.  It didn’t matter where I went I felt like I was on cloud nine, helped by the fact I had also splurged on the VIP pass so I was undaunted by line ups to make me cranky.  2013 was an amazing year for me at the Expo and I still find myself looking at the scrapbook and remembering.

 

 

6.  Easter at my Sister’s 

                It is not very often anymore that I get to be around both of my nieces and my nephew at the same time.  This year for Easter though not only did I get to see all three of them but also got to spend the day with my Nan as well.  It was a great opportunity to take a few family photos (even with the complaining that goes with them), enjoy some good food and fun company.  I love it when my family all gets together to celebrate something together.  As much as we might not always get along it is good to see that from time to time we can get together and just have a good time. 

 

 

5.  Death of my first car/New car

                As much as I joked about getting into an accident so I could get a new car I was not prepared for the reality of that situation.  (I also learned not to joke up things like that…self-fulfilling prophecies and all that jazz…eek!)  I was crushed to see my faithful Tercel towed away after a minor accident.  It felt like such a waste for it to be written off.  That being said it didn’t take me long to fall in love with Serenity, my brand new Corolla, once I had her.  The car buying experience was helped by some amazing friends who helped keep me sane when stress was threatening to overtake me.  It turned out to be an amazing experience.  My luck with cars this year has not been so great and Serenity has been broken in rather harshly but hopefully 2014 and beyond she will get to live up to her name and enjoy an injury free existence.

 

4.  BJ opening her scrapbook

                I love giving scrapbooks as presents because they always get the best reactions.  This year I decided to put together a scrapbook for BJ, one of the owners of the Rosebud Country Inn that we love.  It was a simple scrapbook of the top ten reasons we love Rosebud.  I filled the book with some of the pictures I have taken over the years and had each of the gang I go out there with write letters telling her how special we think our experiences are when we visit.  We gave it to BJ in the morning of our annual Christmas visit and as soon as she opened it you could tell how touched she was.  I didn’t capture the initial moment on camera because I didn’t want to intrude into it but to see her tear up and become speechless filled my heart with joy.  The best part about this moment was that I got to share it with some of my best friends. 

 

3.  Calgary (and Alberta) floods  

                The floods this year have been on almost any news related list I have seen.  For me the floods meant a complete change in my workplace.  After 7 years of working at the old Holy Cross hospital we were forced out by the water flowing through our city.  As we left the building we joked about getting a rain day but we none of us realized just how bad it was going to get.  The next day waking up to the news that the city was in a state of emergency and badly flooded was unreal.  It was hard to believe what we were seeing on the news and even after going and taking photos for myself I still found it hard to believe.  I’m sad that we won’t be going back to the Holy Cross again but am looking forward to finally getting an office location where we can settle in again early in 2014.  

                Beyond the work side of the flood though what I find most memorable about the flood was after it was done and how our city pulled together.  So many people were wanting to help out and do anything they could.  When I went to help out at my friend’s condo I was blown away by the number of people who were walking from house to house offering help, dropping off food or just offering some words of encouragement.  It was truly inspiring to see just how much people care.  It gave me faith and pride in my city. 

 

2.  A published photo

                One of the amazing things to come out of the flood for me was the fact that I got to have a photo published.  The morning after the flood I went out with a friend to get a look at the Bow River.  As we walked along a ridge and I looked at my flooded city I was blown away.  I did what I always do though and started taking photos which of course I posted on Facebook.  My Aunt saw them and asked if she could use one of them for a newspaper called Alberta Street News.  I said that was fine as long as I could get a copy of it.  I was so excited when it came in the mail and there on the front page was my name and picture. 

 

1.  A published article

                If having a photo published wasn’t enough I also got to see my name in print this year on something I wrote as well.  Having an article published in the Calgary Comic and Entertainment program guide was by far one of the coolest things.  I’m not sure it was my best writing and it was a little out of my frame of reference since I usually only write fiction (or random babbling blog entries) but it was still pretty cool to see something I wrote published in black and white.  I loved more than anything being able to give copies of it to my parents and to my Nan.  I don’t think I will ever forget that moment when I first saw it.  Pride, joy and a little bit of terror filled me.  I even saw someone reading it while I was at the Expo which was so exciting.  I had a reader (even if they didn’t know it). 

 

 

 

I hope everyone reading this created a lot of great memories this year as well.  I look forward to see what 2014 has to offer.  

Strolling Down Memory Lane

It has been awhile since I checked in with my blog and I figured I should get my fingers typing again.  I have a couple entries planned but today I want to share what has been the most amazing part of the last month or so.  I may have been ignoring my blog but it has been for good reason because I have been stolen away into the land of inspiration.  I have found myself using ever spare moment to scribble in notebooks, lost in my imagination and reliving large parts of my own personal past.  I’m truly excited about what seems to be percolating in my mind even if I don’t know what exactly it is yet.  In hopes of figuring out the story and get it written I have decided to sign up to do Camp Nanowrimo again next month.

After Calgary Expo I started to toss around a few ideas in my head about what I wanted to work on for my writing.  I have a couple of historical fiction stories I am working but I wanted to have something that I could do easily.  Don’t get me wrong I love my historical fiction and I love the research that goes along with it but sometimes I just want to write.  In my university days I solved the problem by writing “questionable” material and although that was always fun right now it is not something that is top of my imagination.  Anyway with the desire to find something that I could work on easily an idea started to take shape and it has quickly snowballed into something (even if I don’t know what that something is yet).  I have a vision of taking the stories from my past (all the good and bad) and turn them into some form of fiction. 

It does seem a little egocentric to think that the things I have experienced might have a place in a piece of fiction or maybe something more autobiographical but the idea is sticking.  It has been a long time since I felt this inspired and driven.  If the planning and thinking about this project are any indication of what writing will be like I think it has potential.  (God that sounds like I’m bragging…LOL).

One of the coolest things to come out of this whole idea is how many of my old memories are coming back to me.  It started off with a couple of memories of some of the more negative things I have experienced but the more I jot down the memories the more that seem to be popping into my mind.  In the last few weeks I have been reliving many moments from my life.  It is amazing me at how much has actually been locked away in my mind. 

This has been both a blessing and a curse all at the same time.  I think I am gaining a much better understanding of who I am, what I believe in and what I want which has been pretty cool.  On the other hand I have also been reliving some of the hardest moments in my life which has been a challenge when it comes to keeping my mood on the positive side of things.  There have been some nights where it has been quite overwhelming as I feel the rush of guilt, anger and sadness that have surrounded some of these more negative moments.  I’m sure a lot of these memories were locked away in my subconscious for a reason but at the same time in unlocking them I have opened my mind up to a whole new level of understanding.

What I have discovered is that in looking back on some of the worst memories I can see them in a different light.  It might be the rose coloured glasses of nostalgia in some cases or just the fact that the passing of time has made things less intense but I have learned a lot.  I can know accept the events I went through as I was growing up as a part of who I am.  I love the person I am right now and I don’t think I would have near the compassion, empathy or desire to help people if I hadn’t seen some of the worst things people could throw at me.  It is a pretty powerful realization to actually accept your past for what it is and for what it has made you.

Who would have thought that a simple idea for a story would turn into something that would become so powerful for me?  Even if nothing comes of the ideas I am so happy to be writing down the memories.  In a perfect world I’m hoping it will turn into something that I can publish that might help other people learn to love and accept themselves for who they are in our world where it seems like people are losing themselves in negativity.  But then again even writing that last sentence makes me feel a little weird.  I guess we will see what the future holds.

Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo 2013

It is official I survived my second Calgary Expo and although I wondered if they could manage to do better than my first year I have to admit that this year blew it out of the water.  I will warn you know this blog entry is about to be filled with gushing and hormones but I want to not only share my memories but write them all down before I forget any of them.  In the span of three days I managed to do 8 photo ops, 8 autographs, 6 panels, a parade and experienced so much fun and excitement that I’m sure I have already lost some of it in the shuffle. 

 

The first thing I want to do is send a HUGE thank you to all the staff and volunteers that helped out and worked the Expo.  You guys are amazing and always do such a wonderful job.  I know your job is probably often time thankless and you probably see more than you fair share of cranky people but you are wonderful.  I know for me personally I had some very great interactions with some of you from random high fives while I waited for my Steven Yeun autograph, or the countless of you that I asked for directions, and of course the ones that I just got to chat with a little bit, you all helped to create a great experience for me and to keep me smiling.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Expo this year was a whole new experience.  Compared to last year there were a lot of really great changes made.  Everything from adding more room by adding the Big Four building into the mix to having better labelled lines, it all seemed to make things run more smoothly.  (I have a small confession to make at this point and that is that I did have a VIP pass this year so my comparisons are a little skewed but since most people are saying the same thing I figure it must be true for most.)  I felt the energy of the place was a lot more positive this year, which also might have just been that my energy was more positive not having to spend as much time standing in lines.  heheh.  In all honesty though I really do think people were having a great time and there was a lot of love, excitement and enthusiasm filling the air.  For me the having more space as well as being able to easily and freely walk outside if need be helped the whole place feel less busy, less intimidating and less crowded.  It helped to keep my stress level down to a minimum.

 

As I mentioned above I did have VIP tickets this year and I have to gush (ok maybe brag might be a better word) at least a little about the experience.  As crazy as my schedule was this year I was able to do twice as much as I did last year.  Sure I still had to pick and choose and couldn’t do everything I wanted but I certainly got to do a whole lot of what I wanted.  As a scrapbooker I couldn’t help but be excited about the opportunity to get more photos and more autographs because that is what people ooh and aww over when they look at my books.  It is also what I get most excited about but mostly because looking at the photos or the autographs brings me back to those few seconds I got to be standing up close and personal with some of my most favourite crushes.  I knew right from Friday that I wanted to be able to do VIP again next year but it was sealed today when my heart was breaking thinking I wouldn’t be able to get into the very full Nathan Fillion panel but after a quick trip up to the VIP room we had someone lead us in through the back to make sure we were able to get to seats that were reserved for us.  I have never felt more grateful for something in the moment as I did then.  Part of that is also do in large part to the wonderful volunteers that were there to help us.  A huge thank you specifically to the VIP helpers.  It was great to know we always had someone to talk to if we needed help.

 

Now I warned you I would probably do some gushing well for those of you who don’t want to read it I suggest stop here because I’m about to start gushing.  The Expo was full of amazing good looking men (and women although I probably don’t give them nearly as much of my attention as I should) and I had some great experiences that I have to share.  If you are stopping here you should walking away knowing Calgary Expo is AWESOME!  The volunteers are AMAZING!  Everyone should go in 2014.

 

At first when I thought about what I wanted to write in this section I wanted to tell you everything but I have quickly realized that would make for a very very long blog entry.  I don’t think I’m nearly entertaining enough or witty enough after three long days to pull that off so I’m going to try and recount some of the most amazing moments.  I want to share those moments with you that moved me, excited me and had me squeeing inside.

 

One of the very first amazing moments was my autograph with Cary Elwes.  I have loved him for a very long time, in fact he was one of the three crushes I have had since I was young (the other two were Alan Alda from MASH and Dick Van Dyck from Mary Poppins if you are curious).  I LOVE Princess Bride.  It has always been one of my favourite movies and anytime I’m sick it is still the movie I love to curl up on the couch and watch.  I was excited and nervous to meet him and knew of all the autographs I planned I wanted to actually be able to say something to him (normally my shyness kicks in and I just blush).  As he finished signing my autograph I screwed up my courage and confessed that he was one of my first crushes.  He smiled and called me a sweetheart for saying that and I died a little inside.  It didn’t help that this was followed with a quick photo so he had his arm around me.  I was on top of the world as I left his table.

 

Another of my favourite moments is captured in a photo op.  I was standing in the middle of Richard Dean Anderson and Michael Shanks.  Of all the photos I did this one has the biggest smile.  I was so happy and excited in that moment.  It was only a few seconds but the smile in my photo says it all. 

 

Of course I can’t talk about photos without mentioning my chance to have my photo taken with Nathan Fillion.  It was quick because he had so many to do but he still smiled, asked my name, and shook my hand before wrapping his arm around my back and getting really close for the photo.  Let me tell you it was not a bad place to be standing right next to him like that.  I’m pretty sure my pulse jumped and temperature rose.  I wish the moment had lasted forever.  Oh and he also thanked me as I left.  That is something I love because so many of the famous people I have met don’t do that. The ones that do always stand out and that makes them all great.  Nathan Fillion is a class act.

 

I experienced a few completely random moments including some line dancing that broke out on the top floor of the Big Four but I will admit whenever I think of this Expo and the random stuff that happens when you are just hanging out one memory will pop into my head more than any I’m sure.  When John Barrowman came out Saturday morning for his autographs Casper Van Dien was with him.  When he went to leave the area he ducked down under one of the line barriers and when he stood up his backpack caught it and he knocked it down.  It was priceless to see him trying to fix it while making jokes at the same time.  It was hilarious and completely unexpected, which somehow I think is sort of standard for him judging by his many entrances into places. He has a loud personality and is certainly not afraid of having a good time.

 

There were also two moments that are special because they moved me.  In fact in both cases I had tears in my eyes.  The first of these two moments was in the Wil Wheaton panel.  A new mom asked Wil to record a message to her new baby, Violet about why it is awesome to be a nerd.  His response was powerful and moving.  It was full of acceptance and encouragement.  It was enough to make anyone want to declare that they are a geek or a nerd.  It gave me goosebumps. 

 

The other moment that moved me to tears was one I didn’t expect to affect me as much as it did and that was the moment when I had a chance to flip through the program guide and I saw my name with “contributing writer” printed in front of it.  I will admit some of the emotion may have come from the fact the first time I flipped through I didn’t see the article and I thought maybe it got left out after all.  When I looked a second time though I saw it right at the very front and as I re-read what I wrote I was filled with pride.  Even now thinking about it I’m getting emotional.  I have dreamed of seeing something I wrote published and there it was.  It wasn’t a long article and I’m still not sure it was a great article but it was pretty damned cool to see it.  Even better than that though was a little while later while sitting at a table I watched someone actually take the time to read it.  This moment was a dream come true and instantly I was happy that I was going to be able to share it with my Nan who is 94 and has always cheered me on because I wasn’t sure I would ever have anything published in her life.  On the flip side of that I also felt a loss at the fact I couldn’t share it with Will.  As wonderful as every other moment of the expo was I’m sure those memories will fade but this is one memory that will always be with me.  One day when hopefully I’m a much more published writer and someone asks me about the moment I was first published I will with pride and love be able to share this memory.  I can’t finish this part without throwing a thank you to Lindsay.  If you are reading this thank you for offering me the chance.  It means more to me than I know how to put into words.

 

I truly think this Expo was incredible and epic.  I’m so excited to start working on my scrapbook for it just so I can relive these moments and all the rest.  The last three days have been overwhelming.  Memories have been made and dreams have come true.  I am so glad to have had the opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful, caring, accepting and supportive group of people.  As judgemental as the world can be there is nowhere as accepting as a comic convention and I can’t imagine ever missing a year now that I have experienced the world.  I look forward to my third, fourth and twenty fifth conventions.

 

PS Stay tuned for my photo blog entry where I will share a handful of the photos from the weekend.

Tossing out the trash!

I have written and re-written this blog entry more times in the last two weeks than I have any other piece of writing I have created (well maybe with the exception of one piece that is actually being published.) This is an entry I want to share because I have come to realize that what is contained within it has had a huge impact on my life, in fact I would probably list it as one of the defining moments in my life, which is scary because it was also an incredibly negative moment. It is a moment that I don’t think I have even shared with anyone (although I may have at the time but if I did it would have been very much abridged). It is a moment in my life where I not only doubted myself but felt embarrassed about who I am. That is why I want to write about it though. I know that in writing about it I will be able to find a way to let it go like I have done so many other negative influences in my world. I also think more than that though I also want this entry to be a call to arms so to speak for people to start spreading positivity in this world. There is so much negative in this world and we need to push it out with the positive but the problem is that for every negative voice we need so many more positive ones to balance it out.

As I have written about before I have been heavy all my life. It has never really been something I worried about or even cared about. I have generally always just accepted that I am who I am and have been content with that. I lived in my own world which was probably more than a little deluded but it worked for me. All that being said growing up heavy did create its own set of challenges and struggles, especially in junior high and high school that at times damaged both my ego and self-esteem. It crept into my own world and showed me that I was different and it took a lot of work and effort, not to mention I’m sure a healthy dose of denial to keep myself from going down darker paths that I know others have taken. By the time I hit university though I was putting a lot of that behind me. I was entering a world where people seemed to be a whole lot more open and accepting. I left behind the childish world of cliques and found a world that had a spot for me in it. I discovered a whole world of courses that I loved on topics that fascinated me. Of course I was also able to find a whole new bunch of people that looked at the world in a similar way as me that I could fit in with. Things were looking up and the world had promise. I was ready to reach for the stars and get everything I had longed for while in high school.

I was excited and enjoying life but there were still moments where the reality of being big in a small world would sneak back up. Random comments from passing strangers were always the worst. They came out of the blue (and usually when you were having a great day) and bashed you down. They hurt at the moment, caused anger and tears but they never stuck with me. Sure they have added to my hesitation about being in large crowds of people but in general I never put a lot of stock in the random comments. The reason I share this now is because I think it was those off-handed comments that played on my mind that made this one event seem bigger and more important than it should have been. I could also write a blog entry on its own about the impact of those small off-handed comments but I just want it to stand for those moments when we don’t think before we speak. Words can cut just as deep as a knife, the bleeding is just invisible.

In my third year of university though I would experience something that made those small comments seem unimportant and that created a little negative voice that has plagued me for years. It is something that not only had a major impact on me at the time but it ultimately changed my life as it stands today. In theory my world would look a lot different had this one event not happened (I likely would have been a teacher but then again I believe things happen for a reason so who knows maybe I still wouldn’t have been a teacher anyway). At the University of Lethbridge before you can apply to the faculty of education there is a course you have to take. It gets you out in the classroom a couple days a week and works to prepare you for what is to come if you choose to pursue a teaching degree. Basically it gives you a small taste of what it is like to be a teacher to see if you really want to do it. I was excited by the prospect of being a teacher. I love kids and loved being around them and I thought it was also a great way to be able to make a difference in our world. I loved the course and was having a great time and thought that I was doing a good job until one day when the teacher pulled me aside. She proceeded to tell me that I should reconsider my career choice because I would not make a good role model for the kids. I was shocked by this because again I thought I was going a good job. I was then left dumbfounded though when she continued and said that it was because of my weight and that maybe if I found a doctor and took care of things that it could be better. I was blown away. I barely remember walking back to my dorms after that. I was angry and crushed all at the same time. I knew that without her recommendation I also wouldn’t be able to get into the faculty of education so I made the decision to drop the course. I walked away feeling lower than I had ever felt in my life. I buried the incident and ignored it but it created a lasting mark. It was the first time I was really told that ‘no you really can’t be anything you want’ and it stuck. As deep as I buried the incident and put it out of my mind the voice has been there, even if I didn’t always recognize it. Every time I get excited about pushing towards something I want I always pull back. I lost the belief that I had in myself in those few moments.

Looking back now I can admit that the teacher probably did have a point. In a world where childhood obesity is growing by leaps and bounds as a teacher I wouldn’t be the best role model at least not for health. I do think that I could role model other behaviors that are also equally important but she had a point in terms of my weight. She, like many others, were expressing an opinion and I can’t fault her for that. I’m sure she had the best of intentions in her heart about what she was saying (or at least I hope so) and only wanted to try and help point me in a different direction. Of course she really didn’t know me so it really wasn’t her place to say anything but that being said I also could have chosen to deal with the situation differently too. I could have made the choice to stick it out and prove her wrong or at the very least I could have said something to the university but at that moment in time I didn’t have the energy or belief in myself to be able to fight it out. The truth was that the whole incident not only crushed me emotionally but it also left me feeling embarrassed to admit that maybe there was some truth to the things she said.

I have long since come to terms with the fact that I didn’t become a teacher because as much as I love kids I can say now that I wouldn’t have had the patience to be a teacher as a career. The one thing that I do regret about the whole situation though is not fighting for what I wanted. I often wonder if I had fought back and pushed to become a teacher if maybe I would have more drive to do the things I really want now instead of shying away from them.

Now don’t get me wrong I do have success in my life. I tend to be able to get the things I want although more often than not I feel like I sort of fall into them rather than actually work to get them. It feels like a life of flukes rather than plans. I mean even if you look at my current job as a team lead that wasn’t something I sought out but something I fell into. Positions were created for a few of us that had been working there the longest. We were the ones that knew the applications and the programs so it made sense and also was a way to keep us there at a time when we were dealing with a lot of turn over. Another example of me fluking into something is the fact that as of next week I’ll actually have my name printed alongside something I wrote. Being a published author has always been one of my goals and although an article in the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo program guide may not be an award winning novel it is still something I’m proud of (and counting down the days until next Friday when I get to see it). Again though I can’t lie as excited as I am for it I feel that once again I just sort of lucked my way into it because of an old friendship that happened to led to a new friendship that put me in view of the right person.

Here is the question though why on earth do I negate those good things with negativity. If I was to look at this as an outsider it would seem to me that I actually do have people that think I’m capable of doing the things I feel like I fluke into. I have people that give me credit and think I have talent but I don’t actually give myself the same credit. When I really actually think about it I have a lot of positive support in my life. I have had amazing teachers, some of the greatest friends and people that have stood in my corner for as long as I can remember. So why with all of that do I choose to listen to that voice that says it’s not possible? The only answer I have is the fact that negative voices are so much more powerful. They play to our deepest fears and create a great deal of doubt. Negative voices can become the excuse we don’t even realize we use to keep us from doing something amazing.

I can only speak for myself but until two weeks ago I didn’t even realize that I was still carrying this voice inside me. I have worked very hard to let go of negativity. I have worked hard to focus on my strengths and find the things that not only am I good at but that actually allow me to feel wonderful about what I can accomplish. Now that I recognize that voice inside me though I will work to combat it much like I have any other negative thought. I will work to remind myself once again that I am capable of doing anything I want. The goals I have now are in line with the things that I think I am good at and that I have a passion for. I finally have goals that I’m not willing to give up on. They are things that matter to me enough to fight for. A negative voice from my past is not going to keep my dreams from happening anymore. It is time for me to leave this event and the voice in the past where it belongs. In writing it out and sharing the story I can finally toss it out like the trash it is.

But as I said at the start of this entry, I want this blog entry to be more than just a tale of my discovery. I want it to stand for the impact people have on us and that we have on others. Whether it is an off-handed comment or something bigger you do not know what effect it will have. So if we are going to play a role in someone else’s life why not choose to play a positive role. Be one of the many that put a positive spin to things. Be someone that makes the choice to support and love others. I know it sounds cliché but the more positivity you put out there the more it comes back to you. In the last nearly two years that I have actively been working to be a more positive person I have been repaid with more joy, happiness, love and even just good things coming into my life than I could have imagined. It’s not always easy but I do believe it is worth the work. If everyone decided to offer a hand or support to someone think how much nicer this world would be. Think how great it feels when someone does something nice even if it is just as small as a smile or a wave tossed your way. We can change the world if we all put our voices together.