A Personal Weight Loss Milestone

Today was an emotional and exciting day for me.  I achieved a personal goal that has been a long time in coming.  In August 2011 I lost one of my best friends, Will, and although I couldn’t see it at the time the year that followed was incredibly hard for me.  I continued to go to my Weight Watchers meetings but my heart and soul wasn’t in it and slowly over the year that followed I began to put on weight.  In May 2012 I went to a memorial for Will in Iowa and during the long drive there and back (5000km roundtrip) I spent a lot of time thinking.  By the time I got back home I had made the decision to change my life and get back on track.  Well it has taken me two years to finally be able to write this blog entry but as of today I am officially back below the weight I was when Will died.  It has been a long journey but I have never felt prouder of myself than I did this morning.

 

It hasn’t been the easiest of journeys for me.  In fact I have never really struggled to lose weight when I’m working out and following plan but it has been different in the last couple of months.  I have been getting close to this milestone since Christmas.  I was able to get within about 2 pounds of it but then would have a set back and I would gain a few pounds.  It went back and forth like this until I went on a small trip to Kingsfold with a friend.  It is a retreat center where you can go and disconnect from things like electronics and focus on yourself.  The second night I was there I went for a walk and found a quiet bench to sit on.  I felt like Will was with me, which is something I hadn’t felt since he died, and in that moment I realized something.  I wasn’t hitting my weight loss goal because part of me wasn’t really ready to let go of it.  I gained that weight as a way to deal with my grief and letting it go was like really letting go of my best friend and saying good-bye.  As soon as I realized that, something clicked in my brain and I knew it was silly.  Since then minus a couple of small gains my weight has been slowly going down again including today where I hit the goal.

 

At my Weight Watchers meeting today, my leader asked how it felt to finally reach this goal and I got choked up because it was a huge weight off my shoulders.  Letting go of the weight is also letting go of any grief that might still be sticking around.  I will always miss Will.  My life was forever changed because I had him in it.  He taught me so much about myself.  He showed me that there are people out there that will accept me for who I am not for the person I think people want me to be.  I know now though that moving on with my life is not letting him go but it is finding a way to honour him by reaching for all my goals because he was always my biggest cheerleader and that’s what I think he would have wanted for me.

 

Reaching this milestone is just one of the many that I have to mark this journey I’m on but it feels huge.  I still have a long way to go but finally I feel like I’m back on the track I was before my world derailed.  I know that there will still be bumps and curves in the track but I have also learned that I can handle it.  I am learning to trust my instincts, my body and my mind and as long as I keep listening I know they will guide me where I need to go.  I also know that as long as I’m working towards the things that matter most to me, Will would be cheering me on.  He only ever wanted me to be the best that I can be and I am finally doing it.

 

I used this quote in a blog I wrote about Will, I think it came from a card but I wanted to share it because it rings true to me today more than ever, “When a good bye is so unexpected and sudden, when the pain seems unbearable and the loss impossible it is the wise heart that knows that sometimes it has to look back and remember in order to look forward and hope.”

 

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Remembering Will

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My 10 Most Memorable Moments of 2013

It is that time of year when everyone starts to reflect on the year that was as it quickly comes to an end.  As all the programs begin to pop up with lists of the top stories, movies, songs, ect I decided that it was a good idea.  This year has been an eventful year to say the least and I figure it deserves to be remembered for the good and the bad.  So here it is my top 10 most memorable moments of 2013.

10. The Package Tour

                With the cancellation of my Creative Memories showcase I suddenly had vacation time and no plans but as luck would have it in Vancouver at the same time New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men were making a stop for The Package Tour.  It was boy band heaven for me and I couldn’t believe my luck when I was able to get really great tickets.  The night of the concert I got to wallow in nostalgia and enjoy some great looking men and fun music.  It was a night to remember.  I screamed, sang out loud and even got touched by Donnie (twice).  I was a teenager again for a few hours.  It was by far one of the best concerts I have ever been too.

 

9.  Invasion of the birds 

                Cedar Waxwings birds came to my neighbourhood on two separate occasions in March and took over the trees, bushes and airspace.  I grabbed a few photos from my window because I didn’t want to scare them off but then headed outside.  They didn’t all take off and in fact they didn’t seem to pay much attention to me at all. As impressive as it was from in the house I was blown away by the sight when I came out.  The noise was unbelievable.  The neighbourhood was alive with the squawking of hundreds of birds.   They played in the snow and stripped the bushes of any berries that had started to show up and when they were done they all took off together.  It was like a great big team.  When they lifted up all you could hear was the flapping of the wings.  It was pretty phenomenal.  I hope to see them again in 2014. 

 8.  Success of my Christmas Family

                Without a doubt the moment I’m most proud of this year was a month in the making.  With the help of friends and co-workers I was able to put together almost $1000 in gifts and gift cards for a family dealing with cancer.  Adopting a family at Christmas is something we do at work each year but with all the relocation of us because of the flood I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fundraise like we normally would.  I made the decision to adopt a family regardless even if it meant I had to donate a bunch of my own money to make it a success.  I had my doubts I was going to be able to pull it off but the night it came to wrap and I began to unpack bags I was filled with joy.  I knew that this was going to make a difference for one family and that they would be able to have an amazing holiday because of how generous the people in my life were.  To me that is what Christmas is and my Christmas was made when I dropped it off at the hospital.

 

7.  Meeting Cary Elwes

                For my second year attending the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo the highlight of the whole weekend was getting to meet Cary Elwes.  I developed a crush on him when I first saw the Princess Bride when I was a young girl.  That movie became one of my favourite all time movies and I still watch it anytime I get sick.  When I found out Chris Sarandon and Cary Elwes were coming to the Expo I was so excited.  Friday when the doors opened I knew where my first stop was going and quickly made my way to the autograph section and found where Cary was signing.  It took me a minute to get the courage to go up but I did.  He was so nice.  I quickly told him he was one of my first crushes to which he replied that I was a sweetheart (probably well trying to figure out if I was harmless or crazy).  It made my whole Expo.

               I do have to admit though that it was hard to pick just one moment from Expo this year.  I had so much fun and met so many of my favourite actors including but not limited to Nathan Fillion, Michael Shanks and MacGyver himself, Richard Dean Anderson.  It didn’t matter where I went I felt like I was on cloud nine, helped by the fact I had also splurged on the VIP pass so I was undaunted by line ups to make me cranky.  2013 was an amazing year for me at the Expo and I still find myself looking at the scrapbook and remembering.

 

 

6.  Easter at my Sister’s 

                It is not very often anymore that I get to be around both of my nieces and my nephew at the same time.  This year for Easter though not only did I get to see all three of them but also got to spend the day with my Nan as well.  It was a great opportunity to take a few family photos (even with the complaining that goes with them), enjoy some good food and fun company.  I love it when my family all gets together to celebrate something together.  As much as we might not always get along it is good to see that from time to time we can get together and just have a good time. 

 

 

5.  Death of my first car/New car

                As much as I joked about getting into an accident so I could get a new car I was not prepared for the reality of that situation.  (I also learned not to joke up things like that…self-fulfilling prophecies and all that jazz…eek!)  I was crushed to see my faithful Tercel towed away after a minor accident.  It felt like such a waste for it to be written off.  That being said it didn’t take me long to fall in love with Serenity, my brand new Corolla, once I had her.  The car buying experience was helped by some amazing friends who helped keep me sane when stress was threatening to overtake me.  It turned out to be an amazing experience.  My luck with cars this year has not been so great and Serenity has been broken in rather harshly but hopefully 2014 and beyond she will get to live up to her name and enjoy an injury free existence.

 

4.  BJ opening her scrapbook

                I love giving scrapbooks as presents because they always get the best reactions.  This year I decided to put together a scrapbook for BJ, one of the owners of the Rosebud Country Inn that we love.  It was a simple scrapbook of the top ten reasons we love Rosebud.  I filled the book with some of the pictures I have taken over the years and had each of the gang I go out there with write letters telling her how special we think our experiences are when we visit.  We gave it to BJ in the morning of our annual Christmas visit and as soon as she opened it you could tell how touched she was.  I didn’t capture the initial moment on camera because I didn’t want to intrude into it but to see her tear up and become speechless filled my heart with joy.  The best part about this moment was that I got to share it with some of my best friends. 

 

3.  Calgary (and Alberta) floods  

                The floods this year have been on almost any news related list I have seen.  For me the floods meant a complete change in my workplace.  After 7 years of working at the old Holy Cross hospital we were forced out by the water flowing through our city.  As we left the building we joked about getting a rain day but we none of us realized just how bad it was going to get.  The next day waking up to the news that the city was in a state of emergency and badly flooded was unreal.  It was hard to believe what we were seeing on the news and even after going and taking photos for myself I still found it hard to believe.  I’m sad that we won’t be going back to the Holy Cross again but am looking forward to finally getting an office location where we can settle in again early in 2014.  

                Beyond the work side of the flood though what I find most memorable about the flood was after it was done and how our city pulled together.  So many people were wanting to help out and do anything they could.  When I went to help out at my friend’s condo I was blown away by the number of people who were walking from house to house offering help, dropping off food or just offering some words of encouragement.  It was truly inspiring to see just how much people care.  It gave me faith and pride in my city. 

 

2.  A published photo

                One of the amazing things to come out of the flood for me was the fact that I got to have a photo published.  The morning after the flood I went out with a friend to get a look at the Bow River.  As we walked along a ridge and I looked at my flooded city I was blown away.  I did what I always do though and started taking photos which of course I posted on Facebook.  My Aunt saw them and asked if she could use one of them for a newspaper called Alberta Street News.  I said that was fine as long as I could get a copy of it.  I was so excited when it came in the mail and there on the front page was my name and picture. 

 

1.  A published article

                If having a photo published wasn’t enough I also got to see my name in print this year on something I wrote as well.  Having an article published in the Calgary Comic and Entertainment program guide was by far one of the coolest things.  I’m not sure it was my best writing and it was a little out of my frame of reference since I usually only write fiction (or random babbling blog entries) but it was still pretty cool to see something I wrote published in black and white.  I loved more than anything being able to give copies of it to my parents and to my Nan.  I don’t think I will ever forget that moment when I first saw it.  Pride, joy and a little bit of terror filled me.  I even saw someone reading it while I was at the Expo which was so exciting.  I had a reader (even if they didn’t know it). 

 

 

 

I hope everyone reading this created a lot of great memories this year as well.  I look forward to see what 2014 has to offer.  

My Christmas Wish

I have to admit I struggle with Christmas each year.  I love the idea of the holiday but Christmas and I just don’t tend to get along.  I tend to find that if something bad is going to happen to me it seems to happen around Christmas (or maybe I’m just more sensitive to the things that happen at this time of year).  I always go into the season with the hope and expectation that things will be amazing & wonderful.  Sadly, I usually find myself disappointed.  I don’t think I’m alone in this - I think lots of people build up Christmas and are disappointed when it doesn’t go as planned.  I also think that I can’t possibly be the only one that suffers with wanting feel more Christmassy (I mean there is even that song “Where are You Christmas” by Faith Hill).  I have to double my efforts to try keeping a positive attitude during this time of year but -- my family can attest to this -- my best efforts aren’t always successful.  This year it feels even tougher for me.  I am finding that my mood is not very Christmassy and I decided to try and do something about it this year. 

When I started to try and figure out when my mood shifted and began to drop, I realized that it was as soon as I was done organizing, wrapping and dropping off the gifts that I had arranged for the Christmas family I adopted.  Adopting a Christmas family has been a tradition that we have done at work as long as I have been there (7 years for those who are wondering).  It is something I have always loved helping with and was excited to be able to take the lead on last year.  This year I wasn’t sure how it would work because my workplace is still displaced from the floods in June so the traditional fundraising we would do was not as practical or easy to arrange.  Logistically this meant I was fighting an uphill battle to get the funds I needed to give a special family an amazing gift.  The Christmas family gave me a purpose for the month of November.  I was on the hunt for the perfect gifts for the family.  I’m not normally a shopper but when I hit the malls for my Christmas family I feel like I’m on top of the world.  Once it was done though I felt my usual wave of disappointment because I had lost that sense of purpose.  I feel this year that sense of disappointment seemed stronger but I think that is just because it was such a surprising year.  I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be the most successful of gift drives (and had even set aside a large chunk of my own Christmas budget to go towards the family) but I was blown away by the generosity of my friends and co-workers.  I honestly think that this was the most successful year.  It has left me just wanting to do more.

This desire to do more led me to the idea for my Christmas wish which is for a happier, kinder, more generous world.  Now sadly I don’t have a magic wand or a fairy godmother to actually make this wish happen for the world but I can make this happen for a few random people that happen to cross my path between now and Christmas.  I will do my best to try and make a small difference in the world directly around me.  I don’t have a true plan yet but I know that the more good deeds I can do the better I will feel.  Now please don’t get me wrong I try to do good things year round because I have always felt a strong drive to try and make a difference for people but at this time of year I actually crave the mood boost that comes with those good deeds more.

More than that though, my wish is for anyone who is reading this blog (I know it’s not a huge list of people) to also go out and try the same thing.  Ask your own friends to join in this mission.  I would love to see everyone go out and do something unexpected and wonderful for someone else.  Shovel a walk for a neighbour, hold open a door for someone, volunteer somewhere, buy a coffee for the person in line behind you – just go out and do something positive and nice for someone be they family, friend, neighbour or stranger.  This time of year as we rush around and get stressed out you would be amazed at how great you will feel knowing you made someone else smile (and I promise that even if you don’t see it, you will make the recipient smile – for all the good deeds I have done I have also been blessed enough to experience some of it in return).  I would love to read about your own experiences in the comments section at the end of this post.  Share your own stories, help give me ideas for more I can do and let’s show the world that there are people who are willing to do nice things for other people just because they can.  Let’s find a way to bring a little more peace, goodwill and holiday cheer to our world (even if it is just the small part we as individuals take up on this planet).  I promise if you are suffering from lack of that Christmassy feeling that after you do even just one good deed you will start to feel it.

Join with me for the next ten days and try to do something good for someone.  Let’s show the world how generous we can really be by putting our best foot forward.  We can create a happier, kinder and more generous world one good deed at a time.

Tossing out the trash!

I have written and re-written this blog entry more times in the last two weeks than I have any other piece of writing I have created (well maybe with the exception of one piece that is actually being published.) This is an entry I want to share because I have come to realize that what is contained within it has had a huge impact on my life, in fact I would probably list it as one of the defining moments in my life, which is scary because it was also an incredibly negative moment. It is a moment that I don’t think I have even shared with anyone (although I may have at the time but if I did it would have been very much abridged). It is a moment in my life where I not only doubted myself but felt embarrassed about who I am. That is why I want to write about it though. I know that in writing about it I will be able to find a way to let it go like I have done so many other negative influences in my world. I also think more than that though I also want this entry to be a call to arms so to speak for people to start spreading positivity in this world. There is so much negative in this world and we need to push it out with the positive but the problem is that for every negative voice we need so many more positive ones to balance it out.

As I have written about before I have been heavy all my life. It has never really been something I worried about or even cared about. I have generally always just accepted that I am who I am and have been content with that. I lived in my own world which was probably more than a little deluded but it worked for me. All that being said growing up heavy did create its own set of challenges and struggles, especially in junior high and high school that at times damaged both my ego and self-esteem. It crept into my own world and showed me that I was different and it took a lot of work and effort, not to mention I’m sure a healthy dose of denial to keep myself from going down darker paths that I know others have taken. By the time I hit university though I was putting a lot of that behind me. I was entering a world where people seemed to be a whole lot more open and accepting. I left behind the childish world of cliques and found a world that had a spot for me in it. I discovered a whole world of courses that I loved on topics that fascinated me. Of course I was also able to find a whole new bunch of people that looked at the world in a similar way as me that I could fit in with. Things were looking up and the world had promise. I was ready to reach for the stars and get everything I had longed for while in high school.

I was excited and enjoying life but there were still moments where the reality of being big in a small world would sneak back up. Random comments from passing strangers were always the worst. They came out of the blue (and usually when you were having a great day) and bashed you down. They hurt at the moment, caused anger and tears but they never stuck with me. Sure they have added to my hesitation about being in large crowds of people but in general I never put a lot of stock in the random comments. The reason I share this now is because I think it was those off-handed comments that played on my mind that made this one event seem bigger and more important than it should have been. I could also write a blog entry on its own about the impact of those small off-handed comments but I just want it to stand for those moments when we don’t think before we speak. Words can cut just as deep as a knife, the bleeding is just invisible.

In my third year of university though I would experience something that made those small comments seem unimportant and that created a little negative voice that has plagued me for years. It is something that not only had a major impact on me at the time but it ultimately changed my life as it stands today. In theory my world would look a lot different had this one event not happened (I likely would have been a teacher but then again I believe things happen for a reason so who knows maybe I still wouldn’t have been a teacher anyway). At the University of Lethbridge before you can apply to the faculty of education there is a course you have to take. It gets you out in the classroom a couple days a week and works to prepare you for what is to come if you choose to pursue a teaching degree. Basically it gives you a small taste of what it is like to be a teacher to see if you really want to do it. I was excited by the prospect of being a teacher. I love kids and loved being around them and I thought it was also a great way to be able to make a difference in our world. I loved the course and was having a great time and thought that I was doing a good job until one day when the teacher pulled me aside. She proceeded to tell me that I should reconsider my career choice because I would not make a good role model for the kids. I was shocked by this because again I thought I was going a good job. I was then left dumbfounded though when she continued and said that it was because of my weight and that maybe if I found a doctor and took care of things that it could be better. I was blown away. I barely remember walking back to my dorms after that. I was angry and crushed all at the same time. I knew that without her recommendation I also wouldn’t be able to get into the faculty of education so I made the decision to drop the course. I walked away feeling lower than I had ever felt in my life. I buried the incident and ignored it but it created a lasting mark. It was the first time I was really told that ‘no you really can’t be anything you want’ and it stuck. As deep as I buried the incident and put it out of my mind the voice has been there, even if I didn’t always recognize it. Every time I get excited about pushing towards something I want I always pull back. I lost the belief that I had in myself in those few moments.

Looking back now I can admit that the teacher probably did have a point. In a world where childhood obesity is growing by leaps and bounds as a teacher I wouldn’t be the best role model at least not for health. I do think that I could role model other behaviors that are also equally important but she had a point in terms of my weight. She, like many others, were expressing an opinion and I can’t fault her for that. I’m sure she had the best of intentions in her heart about what she was saying (or at least I hope so) and only wanted to try and help point me in a different direction. Of course she really didn’t know me so it really wasn’t her place to say anything but that being said I also could have chosen to deal with the situation differently too. I could have made the choice to stick it out and prove her wrong or at the very least I could have said something to the university but at that moment in time I didn’t have the energy or belief in myself to be able to fight it out. The truth was that the whole incident not only crushed me emotionally but it also left me feeling embarrassed to admit that maybe there was some truth to the things she said.

I have long since come to terms with the fact that I didn’t become a teacher because as much as I love kids I can say now that I wouldn’t have had the patience to be a teacher as a career. The one thing that I do regret about the whole situation though is not fighting for what I wanted. I often wonder if I had fought back and pushed to become a teacher if maybe I would have more drive to do the things I really want now instead of shying away from them.

Now don’t get me wrong I do have success in my life. I tend to be able to get the things I want although more often than not I feel like I sort of fall into them rather than actually work to get them. It feels like a life of flukes rather than plans. I mean even if you look at my current job as a team lead that wasn’t something I sought out but something I fell into. Positions were created for a few of us that had been working there the longest. We were the ones that knew the applications and the programs so it made sense and also was a way to keep us there at a time when we were dealing with a lot of turn over. Another example of me fluking into something is the fact that as of next week I’ll actually have my name printed alongside something I wrote. Being a published author has always been one of my goals and although an article in the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo program guide may not be an award winning novel it is still something I’m proud of (and counting down the days until next Friday when I get to see it). Again though I can’t lie as excited as I am for it I feel that once again I just sort of lucked my way into it because of an old friendship that happened to led to a new friendship that put me in view of the right person.

Here is the question though why on earth do I negate those good things with negativity. If I was to look at this as an outsider it would seem to me that I actually do have people that think I’m capable of doing the things I feel like I fluke into. I have people that give me credit and think I have talent but I don’t actually give myself the same credit. When I really actually think about it I have a lot of positive support in my life. I have had amazing teachers, some of the greatest friends and people that have stood in my corner for as long as I can remember. So why with all of that do I choose to listen to that voice that says it’s not possible? The only answer I have is the fact that negative voices are so much more powerful. They play to our deepest fears and create a great deal of doubt. Negative voices can become the excuse we don’t even realize we use to keep us from doing something amazing.

I can only speak for myself but until two weeks ago I didn’t even realize that I was still carrying this voice inside me. I have worked very hard to let go of negativity. I have worked hard to focus on my strengths and find the things that not only am I good at but that actually allow me to feel wonderful about what I can accomplish. Now that I recognize that voice inside me though I will work to combat it much like I have any other negative thought. I will work to remind myself once again that I am capable of doing anything I want. The goals I have now are in line with the things that I think I am good at and that I have a passion for. I finally have goals that I’m not willing to give up on. They are things that matter to me enough to fight for. A negative voice from my past is not going to keep my dreams from happening anymore. It is time for me to leave this event and the voice in the past where it belongs. In writing it out and sharing the story I can finally toss it out like the trash it is.

But as I said at the start of this entry, I want this blog entry to be more than just a tale of my discovery. I want it to stand for the impact people have on us and that we have on others. Whether it is an off-handed comment or something bigger you do not know what effect it will have. So if we are going to play a role in someone else’s life why not choose to play a positive role. Be one of the many that put a positive spin to things. Be someone that makes the choice to support and love others. I know it sounds cliché but the more positivity you put out there the more it comes back to you. In the last nearly two years that I have actively been working to be a more positive person I have been repaid with more joy, happiness, love and even just good things coming into my life than I could have imagined. It’s not always easy but I do believe it is worth the work. If everyone decided to offer a hand or support to someone think how much nicer this world would be. Think how great it feels when someone does something nice even if it is just as small as a smile or a wave tossed your way. We can change the world if we all put our voices together.

World's Greatest Friends!

It has been one heck of a week and I will admit that I’m more than glad that it is not only a weekend but a long weekend. To catch you all up after my amazing day on Saturday things went downhill quickly. Sunday on my way home from my weekly gathering of writers I got into a minor accident. It was nothing major, no injuries and neither car really had much damage. After reporting the incident I realized just how old my car and the fear began to sink in that she wasn’t going to get repaired. This was confirmed after I had it appraised on Monday. I still had a little hope though after talking to the insurance guy who said that it could go either way when I told him the total on the damage. Stress kicked in along with panic, fear and sadness. I was having a hard time sleeping and my stomach was one giant knot. The worst day was Tuesday when I still didn’t have my rental and realized I left my purse at work. I had a full blown panic attack. Now I tell you all of this so you can understand where I was at. Things looked bleak and I felt hopeless but as the week went by things turned around. I am in a completely different head space now in spite of the fact my poor little Tercel is finished. This blog entry however is not about the car; it is about everyone who helped me from losing my mind completely.

I have said this before but I truly feel the need to say it again, I have some of the greatest and most supportive friends in this world. Even though the whole situation was incredibly frustrating and left me feeling more than a little cursed I was receiving lots of messages and texts reminding me that things would get better. Every time I thought I was going to lose it someone would pop up to help cheer me on. Whether it was just someone to listen to me rant or someone to drag me to Peter’s Drive In for ice cream or helping me begin the search for a new car so many of my friends have jumped up to help me out. It amazes me at how many great people are in my life, I sometimes forget that I have as many friends as I do.

Now that the stress has been lifted off my shoulders, decisions have been made and plans are in place I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all my friends. I know I’m not always the easiest person to deal with, especially when I’m stressed but I’m so glad you all put up with me. So as my night is coming to an end I just want to say that I love you all. Each of you means a great deal to me no matter if I have known you for many years or just a short time. Without each of you this last week would have been even more miserable. I look forward to repaying all of your love and support back to you. (We can start with rides in the new car once I figure out which one I’m going to get.)

Photo Wednesday: Nothing Like a Well Loved Toy

I have been thinking a lot about the photos that I have picked up for these Wednesday posts and why I love them.  The reasons have always been so varied but one thing for sure is that they all make me smile, remind me of great moments, and even tweak my heart a little.  They are photos that I look at over and over and ones that I want to share with everyone.  This week's photo is one of those.  It is of Kaitlyn (one of my adopted nieces and daughter of one of my good friends) and her favourite stuffed animal, Bunny Brown.  Bunny Brown has been very well loved and very much reminds me of the Velveteen Rabbit.

Every time I look at this photo I get something different out of it.  When I first took it and was looking at it on the camera I thought it was cute, much like many of the photos I took the day we visited Discovery Wildlife Park for the first time.  When I uploaded it on to the computer and pulled it up to the size of my computer monitor I realized that it was a really special photo.  Then I went and had it printed as an 8x10 for a scrapbook and that is when I fell in love with it.  Part of it is the colour - I love the way the pink pops out (nothing like choosing your background...of course now I recognize the need for a good background but I will admit when I took the photo it wasn't even a thought in my mind).  I also love that you can almost feel the love that Kaitlyn has for her rabbit. 

The coolest thing about the photo in my opinion is that now when I look at it I also feel some nostalgia for my own childhood.  We all have a favourite stuff animal or toy (or in my case a blanket) that we loved to carry around.  My hope is that when Kaitlyn is much older I can present her with a version of this photo and it will bring back all the great memories of a simpler time.  It will remind her of a friend that kept her company, protected her from the world and learned all her secrets. 

Love You Molly!

This morning I had to make the hard decision to let Molly go. I woke up this morning and she wasn’t herself. She was really wobbly as she walked and wouldn’t eat any food. I took her to the vet and discussed all the options but the reality was it was time to say goodbye. Molly wasn’t the most social of cats but she was very special and loved. I want to write this entry to remind me of how great she was and as a way to say goodbye and pay tribute to her. I will miss her very much.

My Sweet Molly

You were one of the very best cats in the world. I got to have you in my life for 15 or 16 years but really got to know you in the last seven. You were such a bully of a cat. I still remember how you used to tear after Tippy when we first brought you home and you wanted to take over. Of course that didn’t change when we brought Zoe in. I can’t think of how many times I had to break up fights or chase you away from Zoe. You were the queen of the house and you knew it.

Most special to me though was the last few years when you would actually sit with me and cuddle. I still think it was either to humor me or to make Zoe jealous but whatever the case I loved it. I know you were never really a people loving cat but with the right bribe we could usually draw you out and everyone thought you were beautiful and loved you.

I think what I’ll miss the most though as silly as it sounds is you demanding for food the minute I wake up or come home from work. And it will be weird to cut cheese and not have you rubbing between my legs waiting for your piece. You were always so food motivated I always knew how to make you happy. It was the one time I could count on you letting me pet you.

I’m going to miss the way you would play with your toys until someone actually noticed you. You just couldn’t let us know that you will silly enough to toss toys around. But I had you figured out I knew you loved them especially the pillows with catnip and honeysuckle or that poor killed spider toy.

You of course weren’t without your quirks. Between squishing into boxes and containers to small for you and the way you howled at the camera you were a cat with personality. I will never take a picture of any other cat and not think of how you would react to the camera. You are the only animal I have ever known to react so strongly. I still think you were convinced the camera was trying to steal your soul. To hear you even whine when we just pretended to take photos was funny. I am grateful though that you at least let me a few really great photos of you. I will treasure them forever.

Wherever you are now my princess I hope that you are putting everyone in their place and causing havoc. I hope you have a never-ending supply of cheese and milk and lots of mice to catch (you were a really great little hunter). I loved you very much and the house will be a lot quieter without you in it but I know you are in a better place. Zoe and I will miss you very much but we will not forget you.

Molly in her favourite chair

Squishing into a basket barely big enough for her.  Such a character!

Playing with two of her favourite toys

Mine! You can't have it.

Fine take your picture but I will get you back for this.



My absolute favourite photo of Molly.



Photo Wednesday: Brave Explorer

There are a handful of pictures that I have taken that I think are really great and this happens to be one.  I love the clarity I got in Zoe's face.  I'm sure my neighbours probably thought I was a little crazy lying on the ground trying to get the shot but in my eyes it paid off.  I love that the colour of the browning grass matches her colours.  What can I say small things make me happy :-)  Anyway I hope you enjoy this photo.

Remembrance Day

I have been doing a lot of thinking about Remembrance Day and its meaning over the last few days in light of hearing last week about the fact that in some school students can opt out of Remembrance Day services. Now let me just say before I get dragged over the coals that I completely understand the idea behind the option and I firmly believe religious freedom is incredibly important. It is those freedoms that wars have been fought to protect. This blog entry is about why Remembrance Day is important to me and why I think it is important that children should take part in it. Although the services may be religious, to me Remembrance Day is not about that. It is about paying respect to the incredibly brave men and women who have fought and continue to fight to let us keep the freedoms we believe in.

I remember going to school around November 11th and seeing poppies fill the halls on all the students and teachers. I remember bringing my quarters to school so I could buy poppies (always at least one a day because they just tend to disappear on you). I also remember being lined up into the school gymnasium for the Remembrance Day assemblies. We sang O’ Canada, listened to a recording (or someone in band as I hit junior high and high school) play The Last Post, stood silently for the minute of silence and finished with hearing The Rouse. I also have vague memories of hearing the poem In Flanders’s Field but couldn’t tell you if that was in the assembly itself or just in the classroom. I don’t remember actually understanding what was going on though, especially in elementary school. I knew that we were supposed to remember the soldiers and I knew that both my Grandpa and Grandad had fought in World War II but like any kid it didn’t really affect me because it was in the past.

As I got older I still kept going to the assemblies. I started to get into the history and began to read anything I could find on aspects of the World Wars. I also began to be more aware of the world around me and started to see that we were still fighting wars all over the world. (It’s a strange world when you realize history is still happening and that the things you thought were in the past are actually still going on – but that is a blog for another day.) As I became more aware, Remembrance Day also became a connection not only to the history I was learning but also to my own family history. It made the day a little more special and important, at least while I was in school.

When I graduated high school the assemblies stopped happening. I went off to university and started to really get into history. I spent hours reading story after story and textbook after textbook. I was fascinated especially as I began to learn more about the Canadian connections to important war changing battles. Sadly, although I did get to the odd ceremony, it was never a priority for me to attend. I would always think of my grandfathers on the 11th but usually the day would pass with me just happy to have an extra day off to get an essay written or a day to sleep in.

That changed for me though when I went to Europe in 2008. Actually that trip changed a lot for me, when it came to how I think about and experience the history I had long studied. I was walking in the spots where the battles had taken place that I had studied. I was visiting gravesites full of graves from the soldiers that had made the ultimate sacrifice to do what they believed in. I really began to realize just how many people lost their lives and the huge scale of what went on during those two wars.

One of the most powerful moments of my trip was when my tour guide took us to Juno Beach. It wasn’t a planned part of the tour but the guide knew I was Canadian and offered to take us if the other people on the tour were ok with it, which they were. As I stepped onto the sand of a very pretty beach I got goosebumps on my arms. At that moment as I stood there it was just a beach but I knew that on June 6, 1944 it was a battleground. The Dday landings played such a huge role in ending World War II, it was awe inspiring to be standing there knowing the history the way that I did. I was standing where thousands of men, Canadians as well as other members of the British Commonwealth, had fought so hard. I tried to imagine what it must have been like on that day of the landing and tried to match that with the calm that I was experiencing while I was standing on the beach. They just didn’t quite line up. In that moment, standing there, I could really feel the history, physically and emotionally. It was a very moving moment for me and one that I will not ever forget. (Here is some more information on Juno Beach)

After the stop at the beach, the tour guide took us to the Canadian Cemetery at Beny-Sur-Mer. Throughout my vacation I had been going to commonwealth grave sites, where you would see maple leaves on some of the tombstones but nothing could compare to walking around Beny-Sur-Mer and seeing all the graves with maples leaves. It made for a beautiful picture but it also created another connection for me to the stories I had studied and learned about.

This was the truth behind the battle fought. War means loss of life, no matter how you look at it or spin it. When I came back from that trip Remembrance Day had a new meaning for me. I started going to Remembrance Day ceremonies. I finally understood on a deeper level how important November 11th is to me. For me it is a connection to my family history, to my country’s history and just simply something that I feel is important to remember. It has nothing to do with religion for me it is a matter of respect. So many gave up their lives for my future I can spend a few hours each year remembering all of them. I am grateful that people exist that are willing to fight to protect and defend people like me.

As I end this blog I just want to share my hopes for the future. It is my hope that all people will continue to remember and value the importance of November 11th. I hope that one day we will find a way to get along with each other and actually find world peace so that Remembrance Day can stand for finally achieving peace. I also hope that since we no longer have any World War I veterans left in Canada, and the numbers of World War II veterans continues to dwindle people will continue to recognize and value what they did for us. I hope that children will be taught the importance of the day and learn to value the gifts we have been given. Lastly I hope that even if the option is there to opt out of remembering that people will continue to choose to do it.

In remembering our history we learn the value of where we are today.

Photo Wednesday: Remembering

This week's photos are some old ones I dug out of scans that I have.  They are of my Nan (on the left) and my Aunt Daisy (on the right).  Sadly we lost my Aunt Daisy on Saturday so I wanted to do something to remember her.  I will write a blog entry this weekend but for now here are a couple of photos to share with you of two amazing woman who I look up to, admire and love.