Sometimes the Stars Line Up

The older I get the more I am really starting to believe things happen for a reason.  Some people would argue that it is just coincidences or that we see reason behind the things we want to see reason behind but today once again I was confronted the idea that sometimes things are just meant to be.  We may not always get it or understand what is going on but sometimes we are just in the right spot at the right time.

It was announced today that Alberta Health Services is withdrawing the lease on the Holy Cross Center which sadly means that I will be changing work locations.  We don’t have any details or know where we are going but I will admit it stresses me out a little bit.  I have struggled the past few months with the longer commute time and the fear that now it will be permanent or god forbid it might even be longer depending on where we move.  This has me questioning everything from what I value to what I’m willing to sacrifice for a paycheck.  The reality is questioning my job and my role there is not something new – this has just added a new level to the questions.  It is just another thing on the con side of the list.

The good news in all of this is that instead of being at work and dealing with the drama that is no doubt unfolding there I am still on holidays.  Being at Rosebud right now is probably the very best thing for me.  I don’t have to listen to all the rumours or deal with other people who have the same questions I do.  Not only that but as the only guest in the Inn tonight I have a quiet place to relax, unwind and begin the process of sorting everything out.  If I was at home not only would I be dealing with all the rumours and craziness but I also have my parents visiting so time on my own would not be as easily found.  No matter what goes on in my life being on my own has always been the only way I can actually sort through and deal with anything that causes me stress.  Being alone allows me the freedom to let my brain just run without having to filter the emotions that come with it.  There is nothing worse than trying to sort stuff out with a bunch of people asking you if you are okay when you have that far away distant look on your face.  So being away is a blessing in disguise.  This trip has been planned for probably 6 months or more but it certainly couldn’t have happened at a better time.

The other thing that sort of hit me as being random and maybe meant to be about the timing of the announcement is that last night I found myself questioning things.  I was sitting watching a gorgeous sunset at Horsethief Canyon.  This canyon is amazing and beautiful.  It made me feel small and yet connected to our world.  I was the only person there and with nothing to do but watch the sun slowly sink over the horizon my brain was free to wander.  I don’t necessarily know what my thoughts are on god and religion but I was asking questions of myself and/or someone that may have been listening.  The main question I was asking is if it was time for me to move on at work?  I don’t have an answer to this question but it is funny that things that could help sway my choice happened the next day.  Sure you can argue coincidence but again more and more I think sometimes things are just meant to be.  Of course reading it as a sign is probably a bit of stretch for where my brain is at right now but it is funny how things happen.

Of course now the question is what do I make of everything that is happening?  Thankfully I guess I’m still very logical when it comes to working things out and that means that although the day is coming when I’m going to have to decide once and for all if I want to continue to work where I am or if I’m going to try and find something new, I am not going to have to make that decision right away.  I do think that it means it is time to really consider what I want, what I’m looking for and what would really make me happy.  It is probably also time to pull out my resume and make sure that it is actually up to date.

The world is full of questions and I guess I have found a few more to add to my list.  So for tonight I guess it was enough to just write about it and get it off my chest and out in the world.  Now I shall sit back and enjoy the quiet of the sleepy little town of Rosebud.  I will listen to the crickets and continue work on my novel banishing all the heavy thoughts until I return back to Calgary and am forced to deal with them head on.