The older I get the more I am really starting to believe things happen
for a reason. Some people would argue
that it is just coincidences or that we see reason behind the things we want to
see reason behind but today once again I was confronted the idea that sometimes
things are just meant to be. We may not
always get it or understand what is going on but sometimes we are just in the
right spot at the right time.
It was announced today that Alberta Health Services is withdrawing the
lease on the Holy Cross Center which sadly means that I will be changing work
locations. We don’t have any details or
know where we are going but I will admit it stresses me out a little bit. I have struggled the past few months with the
longer commute time and the fear that now it will be permanent or god forbid it
might even be longer depending on where we move. This has me questioning everything from what
I value to what I’m willing to sacrifice for a paycheck. The reality is questioning my job and my role
there is not something new – this has just added a new level to the questions. It is just another thing on the con side of
the list.
The good news in all of this is that instead of being at work and
dealing with the drama that is no doubt unfolding there I am still on
holidays. Being at Rosebud right now is
probably the very best thing for me. I
don’t have to listen to all the rumours or deal with other people who have the same
questions I do. Not only that but as the
only guest in the Inn tonight I have a quiet place to relax, unwind and begin
the process of sorting everything out. If
I was at home not only would I be dealing with all the rumours and craziness
but I also have my parents visiting so time on my own would not be as easily
found. No matter what goes on in my life
being on my own has always been the only way I can actually sort through and
deal with anything that causes me stress.
Being alone allows me the freedom to let my brain just run without
having to filter the emotions that come with it. There is nothing worse than trying to sort
stuff out with a bunch of people asking you if you are okay when you have that
far away distant look on your face. So
being away is a blessing in disguise.
This trip has been planned for probably 6 months or more but it
certainly couldn’t have happened at a better time.
The other thing that sort of hit me as being random and maybe meant to
be about the timing of the announcement is that last night I found myself
questioning things. I was sitting
watching a gorgeous sunset at Horsethief Canyon. This canyon is amazing and beautiful. It made me feel small and yet connected to
our world. I was the only person there
and with nothing to do but watch the sun slowly sink over the horizon my brain
was free to wander. I don’t necessarily
know what my thoughts are on god and religion but I was asking questions of
myself and/or someone that may have been listening. The main question I was asking is if it was
time for me to move on at work? I don’t
have an answer to this question but it is funny that things that could help
sway my choice happened the next day.
Sure you can argue coincidence but again more and more I think sometimes
things are just meant to be. Of course
reading it as a sign is probably a bit of stretch for where my brain is at
right now but it is funny how things happen.
Of course now the question is what do I make of everything that is
happening? Thankfully I guess I’m still
very logical when it comes to working things out and that means that although
the day is coming when I’m going to have to decide once and for all if I want
to continue to work where I am or if I’m going to try and find something new, I
am not going to have to make that decision right away. I do think that it means it is time to really
consider what I want, what I’m looking for and what would really make me
happy. It is probably also time to pull
out my resume and make sure that it is actually up to date.
The world is full of questions and I guess I have found a few more to
add to my list. So for tonight I guess
it was enough to just write about it and get it off my chest and out in the
world. Now I shall sit back and enjoy
the quiet of the sleepy little town of Rosebud.
I will listen to the crickets and continue work on my novel banishing
all the heavy thoughts until I return back to Calgary and am forced to deal
with them head on.
A journey in accepting myself for who I am now while working on making myself into the person I see in my future.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
Ready for a Slower Pace
The only way I know how to describe this summer is strange. It has been hectic and crazy and now as we
enter the last week before September (where did summer go anyway?) I am finally getting a chance to slow
down. Sure it took running away to
Rosebud but even after only a few hours here I already feel my mind slowing and
my body relaxing. I see yoga poses and
long walks in my future J
As I was driving out I realized the best way to describe how I had been feeling is the way you do after a really crazy day. The type of day where it is go go go until you finally get to lay down in your bed at the end of the night. You don’t realize how crazy the day has been until exhausted you sink into your pillow and mattress. The past two months have been go go go for me and I’m hoping that this week at Rosebud will be like laying down for the night. (Go figure that I would think of sleeping when I get to Rosebud when one of my favourite things at the B&B is the beds…hehehe) I am already anticipating that feeling of everything melting away.
Things in my real world have been pretty crazy since Calgary flooded. My office is still displaced from our building and it looks like we will be until at least December. My Nan ended up in the hospital which probably isn’t that shocking when you consider she is 94 but the fact that I have never in my life really known her to be sick at all was scary. She is back at home now and doing better though so that’s good. She is probably the subject of a blog entry I should write one day all on her own. Added to that is some uncertainty that came with the end of Creative Memories (and soon the start of a new company). Of course there has also been a lot of great things like my BC vacation and Mondays off which gave me time to do some fun things with friends. The one thing all of it has in common is that it has kept me very busy and kept my mind spinning, leaving little time to work on writing or anything really creative.
It is funny to me how quickly we can move at times dealing with situations and not realizing the toll it is taking on us or the changes it is creating. I realized the minute I sat down after unpacking and settling into my room how the last few months have changed me. As I sat there with a whole week of nothing stretching in front of me I felt like I should be doing something. That is when it clicked that no I have nothing to do but slow down and relax. Yes I brought my novel with me and I plan on writing it and yes I have some digital scrapbook stuff to finish up but for the first time in a long time I realized that it was okay for me to just sit down and stare out the window and let the world spin on by.
There are a lot of things I love about Rosebud but as I looked out the window what made me feel amazing is that there were no cars, no road noise (just some crickets) and no one needing my attention. It is the perfect place for me to get away to because it is so close to home and yet it feels like it is another world. I can connect to my life if I want or I can ignore it and get lost in a good book or with a pen in my hand. I’m so ready for this recharge. I look forward to the inspiration that will come with it.
As I was driving out I realized the best way to describe how I had been feeling is the way you do after a really crazy day. The type of day where it is go go go until you finally get to lay down in your bed at the end of the night. You don’t realize how crazy the day has been until exhausted you sink into your pillow and mattress. The past two months have been go go go for me and I’m hoping that this week at Rosebud will be like laying down for the night. (Go figure that I would think of sleeping when I get to Rosebud when one of my favourite things at the B&B is the beds…hehehe) I am already anticipating that feeling of everything melting away.
Things in my real world have been pretty crazy since Calgary flooded. My office is still displaced from our building and it looks like we will be until at least December. My Nan ended up in the hospital which probably isn’t that shocking when you consider she is 94 but the fact that I have never in my life really known her to be sick at all was scary. She is back at home now and doing better though so that’s good. She is probably the subject of a blog entry I should write one day all on her own. Added to that is some uncertainty that came with the end of Creative Memories (and soon the start of a new company). Of course there has also been a lot of great things like my BC vacation and Mondays off which gave me time to do some fun things with friends. The one thing all of it has in common is that it has kept me very busy and kept my mind spinning, leaving little time to work on writing or anything really creative.
It is funny to me how quickly we can move at times dealing with situations and not realizing the toll it is taking on us or the changes it is creating. I realized the minute I sat down after unpacking and settling into my room how the last few months have changed me. As I sat there with a whole week of nothing stretching in front of me I felt like I should be doing something. That is when it clicked that no I have nothing to do but slow down and relax. Yes I brought my novel with me and I plan on writing it and yes I have some digital scrapbook stuff to finish up but for the first time in a long time I realized that it was okay for me to just sit down and stare out the window and let the world spin on by.
There are a lot of things I love about Rosebud but as I looked out the window what made me feel amazing is that there were no cars, no road noise (just some crickets) and no one needing my attention. It is the perfect place for me to get away to because it is so close to home and yet it feels like it is another world. I can connect to my life if I want or I can ignore it and get lost in a good book or with a pen in my hand. I’m so ready for this recharge. I look forward to the inspiration that will come with it.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
10 Ten Things I Learned Driving to Vancouver
A friend of mine often does top ten Tuesday lists and so taking her
lead I came up with one of my own (because really this is just what happens
when you leave me driving for hours.) So
this is the top ten things I learned and/or rediscovered while driving to
Vancouver today.
10. We are so lucky to live so close to the Rockies. They are beautiful.
I have driven the drive to Vancouver many times (often as a passenger but also as a driver) every time I am always amazed at just how pretty the drive is. There is something really special about the mountains and I love having the excuse to drive through them rather than fly over them.
9. I love driving on the highway it is freeing
To say I was resistant to learning to drive is probably a bit of an understatement but when I get behind the wheel on the highway I don’t know why I fought so hard against getting my license. My favourite stretch of the drive to BC is always the same – right outside of Kamloops over the Coquihalla. The reason I love it is because the speed goes back to 110km/hour and normally I have it to myself. When I have driven in the past I usually stay in Kamloops for the night so I get up and head to the ferry before anyone else is up. So tonight when I was coming in around dinner time I wasn’t sure it would be the same but for the most part it was. This was also the section of the highway when my mood went from happy to really excited J
8. I have a thing for hitchhikers that look like hippies.
Okay so this is totally random but for whatever reason of all the hitchhikers I saw along the way the only ones I actually wanted to pick up (not that I did) were the ones that looked like hippies. I guess my brain figures they would have more fun stories to share and probably be less likely to murder me.
7. I have horrible taste in music.
I should preface this one by saying that in reality I have a very wide range of musical tastes. I like just about everything so I’m sure not all my music is bad. On this road trip though when you considering I was coming to Vancouver to see The Package Tour with New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men my musical choices were a little bit of a throw back. I spent the majority of the drive reliving my junior high school days. It was awesome in all its horrible glory.
6. I can’t sing but I really enjoying singing badly really loud.
To go with the horrible musical choices that kept me entertained I was reminded of how much fun it is to just sing them out. Luckily with no passengers there was no one to have to behave for so I sang my heart out all the way to Vancouver…well okay maybe not all the way to Vancouver by the time I hit Chilliwack I was pretty tired and just ready to be at the hotel.
5. I love my car!
This is not really new. I have loved my car since day one but when I think back to making the same trip in my Tercel and compare it to my little Corolla and this trip turned out to be a much better drive. She is well named – yes she is named, Serenity or Reni for short. She brought me a whole lot of serenity the further away from Calgary she took me. (On a side note that might be more to do with all the craziness of the last few weeks rather than the car, but for now I will give credit the car) I will also admit that I will never be able to live without air conditioning ever again. When I was driving through Kamloops and area with temperatures in the 30s (that’s Celsius) I couldn’t help but remember the many times I was dying in my Tercel, melting into the seats. Much nicer this time around, I almost need a sweater a couple of times. I loved it!
4. A Tim Horton’s ice cap is heaven at 3pm on a long road trip.
What can I say but the afternoon is hard for me. I’m good in the morning and in the evening but in the heat of the day all I want to do is take a siesta. To fight that today I stopped and grabbed a donut and an ice cap. Maybe it is because it has been so long since I had one but it tasted amazing. I’m drooling thinking about it.
3. I will never be the fastest driver
I realized that I’m content just going along. I don’t feel the need to race off up the mountain and actually enjoy being at the back of the pack. It is much more relaxing at the end of the line than being at the front of it. You don’t have to worry about the grill of a semi filling your rear view mirror chasing your car down.
2. Driving makes my creative juices flow so instead of being a writer that drinks I need to be one that drives.
I have no clue why this works so well for me but every time I get in the car the ideas start to flow. I guess some of it is because the world just blurs by out the window and I don’t have to worry about anything except myself and my car leaving at least part of my brain free to wander.
1. I am at my best when I’m travelling.
Sometimes in my day to day life I forget that I actually like who I am. I get caught up in stress and life which can leave me cranky. When I travel though that all gets left behind. I am more outgoing, happier and seem to draw people to me rather than scare them off. I love the me that I get to be when I’m travelling – now I just have to find a way to make sure she doesn’t hide when I’m home.
10. We are so lucky to live so close to the Rockies. They are beautiful.
I have driven the drive to Vancouver many times (often as a passenger but also as a driver) every time I am always amazed at just how pretty the drive is. There is something really special about the mountains and I love having the excuse to drive through them rather than fly over them.
9. I love driving on the highway it is freeing
To say I was resistant to learning to drive is probably a bit of an understatement but when I get behind the wheel on the highway I don’t know why I fought so hard against getting my license. My favourite stretch of the drive to BC is always the same – right outside of Kamloops over the Coquihalla. The reason I love it is because the speed goes back to 110km/hour and normally I have it to myself. When I have driven in the past I usually stay in Kamloops for the night so I get up and head to the ferry before anyone else is up. So tonight when I was coming in around dinner time I wasn’t sure it would be the same but for the most part it was. This was also the section of the highway when my mood went from happy to really excited J
8. I have a thing for hitchhikers that look like hippies.
Okay so this is totally random but for whatever reason of all the hitchhikers I saw along the way the only ones I actually wanted to pick up (not that I did) were the ones that looked like hippies. I guess my brain figures they would have more fun stories to share and probably be less likely to murder me.
7. I have horrible taste in music.
I should preface this one by saying that in reality I have a very wide range of musical tastes. I like just about everything so I’m sure not all my music is bad. On this road trip though when you considering I was coming to Vancouver to see The Package Tour with New Kids on the Block, 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men my musical choices were a little bit of a throw back. I spent the majority of the drive reliving my junior high school days. It was awesome in all its horrible glory.
6. I can’t sing but I really enjoying singing badly really loud.
To go with the horrible musical choices that kept me entertained I was reminded of how much fun it is to just sing them out. Luckily with no passengers there was no one to have to behave for so I sang my heart out all the way to Vancouver…well okay maybe not all the way to Vancouver by the time I hit Chilliwack I was pretty tired and just ready to be at the hotel.
5. I love my car!
This is not really new. I have loved my car since day one but when I think back to making the same trip in my Tercel and compare it to my little Corolla and this trip turned out to be a much better drive. She is well named – yes she is named, Serenity or Reni for short. She brought me a whole lot of serenity the further away from Calgary she took me. (On a side note that might be more to do with all the craziness of the last few weeks rather than the car, but for now I will give credit the car) I will also admit that I will never be able to live without air conditioning ever again. When I was driving through Kamloops and area with temperatures in the 30s (that’s Celsius) I couldn’t help but remember the many times I was dying in my Tercel, melting into the seats. Much nicer this time around, I almost need a sweater a couple of times. I loved it!
4. A Tim Horton’s ice cap is heaven at 3pm on a long road trip.
What can I say but the afternoon is hard for me. I’m good in the morning and in the evening but in the heat of the day all I want to do is take a siesta. To fight that today I stopped and grabbed a donut and an ice cap. Maybe it is because it has been so long since I had one but it tasted amazing. I’m drooling thinking about it.
3. I will never be the fastest driver
I realized that I’m content just going along. I don’t feel the need to race off up the mountain and actually enjoy being at the back of the pack. It is much more relaxing at the end of the line than being at the front of it. You don’t have to worry about the grill of a semi filling your rear view mirror chasing your car down.
2. Driving makes my creative juices flow so instead of being a writer that drinks I need to be one that drives.
I have no clue why this works so well for me but every time I get in the car the ideas start to flow. I guess some of it is because the world just blurs by out the window and I don’t have to worry about anything except myself and my car leaving at least part of my brain free to wander.
1. I am at my best when I’m travelling.
Sometimes in my day to day life I forget that I actually like who I am. I get caught up in stress and life which can leave me cranky. When I travel though that all gets left behind. I am more outgoing, happier and seem to draw people to me rather than scare them off. I love the me that I get to be when I’m travelling – now I just have to find a way to make sure she doesn’t hide when I’m home.
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