I have never bought a diet book in my life. I do not generally tend to put a lot of credit into them but I was curious when I saw Bob Harper from Biggest Loser had put out a new book. I will admit some of the curiosity came from the fact I think he is very good looking but more came when I flipped through the book in Chapters because it looked logical and simple so I decided to order it. It arrived at the beginning of the week and I read it over the last two days.
It was a quick read but full of a lot of great information. It is laid out logically and has good arguments for each rule. I don’t necessarily like the idea of slashing my daily calorie count as much but the nice thing with Bob’s rules is that they will mesh well with Weight Watchers. I was drawn towards this book for the same reasons I was drawn towards Weight Watchers and that is because it makes sense and is logical. I don’t put any stock in all the fads that are out there but with both of these it’s real food.
I think though that in spite of the book being about the rules I’m most excited by the recipe section of the book. I have been getting very bored with my food and have been feeling very lazy when it comes to wanting to cook. This is something I experience most summers but at least for right now I’m actually feeling excited to cook. There are some really great sounding recipes and if I can eat good food and it helps to move me along my weight loss path all the better. I have even already made my grocery list and am very much looking forward to going and shopping for all the yummy food. It is nice to be excited about working on losing weight. It has been awhile since I felt this way.
I have also made the decision I am going to start to try more new foods again. The shocker to anyone that knows me is the first thing on my hit list to start eating is fish. Anyone who has asked me out to sushi or offered me shrimp has probably been told the same story. When I eat fish I feel like it is still swimming in my stomach. I know that it is all in my head and that I just need to get over that. So my goal this summer is to start eating and hopefully enjoying fish. It is hard not to want to put it into my diet when I read all the good things about fish and since I don’t have an allergy to it there is no reason not to include it in my diet. I’m going to start with one fish meal every week (totally should be doable) and by the end of summer my goal is to be eating one dinner with fish and one lunch. It’s not a tonne but considering I “hate” fish it may be a rather daunting goal.
I’m also going to be exploring more Vegan recipes. I am planning to have one day a week where I don’t eat any animal or animal products. This is a rule from the book but also something that I’m looking forward to. I have a friend who is a vegan and so I have to keep finding new recipes to make when we have dinner parties and what not. So far I have loved everything she has made for us or that I have made for her. It forces me to think outside the box and to try things I might not normally try. I like the idea of challenge myself to a day without animal each week. I think it will force me to get a little more variety in my food choices.
Anyway for those of you for looking for a few ideas or some guidance to get you started I can say that it looks like Bob Harper is not only sexy as hell but actually has some good points. hehehe I can’t say yet if it will give you results and even a month from now I can’t say it will give you results because I won’t be following it as he has written it but the rules make sense even if I’m not totally sold on completely following his plan the way he has it laid out. I’ll keep you posted though.
And for anyone out there reading this please please remember to think about what you are doing. There is no point in jumping on every band wagon. Weight loss is not an easy path or choice but really if it was easy it wouldn’t mean as much when we succeed with it. In a world of quick and easy somethings are really worth stopping to take your time with making sure it’s done right. Don’t check your brain at the door. Common sense will guide you if you let it.
A journey in accepting myself for who I am now while working on making myself into the person I see in my future.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
I'm Back!
It has been a long journey and I have struggled a great deal to get everything back on track. It took me a 5000km road trip to realize just how far out of things I had fallen. So this entry serves as my relaunch. I have started writing again and have refocused on the things that matter in my life, like my friends, my photography, my scrapbooking and most importantly my weight loss. So now it's time to catch you all up.
In May, I took a trip to Des Moines, Iowa for a convention called Demicon. I was invited by one of Will's friends, Eric, who had arranged to do a small memorial at the convention for Will. When he first told me about this I wasn't sure if I should go, if I wanted to go or even if I would be able to go. Flights to Des Moines aren't cheap because it's not direct from Calgary, and there was also the fact that the convention fell on the weekend of my birthday. But as I talked to my parents and a few friends about it I knew that this was a trip that I should and needed to make. So I pulled out a map and noticed that although it would be a long drive it could also be a very cool drive that could bring me through places like Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone National Park, not to mention a whole lot of other cool places. I put plans in motion and started to put together my very first major road trip. As the trip grew closer I started to doubt if I really should be doing it. I was scared about the amount of time I would be driving. I was worried about how old my car is and if she would be able to make the trip or if it would kill her. Even the morning of the 3rd as I pulled out of Stirling and headed towards the border there was part of me that wanted to turn around. Of course I didn't and in the end the trip was one of the best experiences I have ever had. Not only did a learn a lot about myself but I also found myself again even though I didn't realize I was lost.
It was when I hit the border between South Dakota and Iowa that I realized how lost I was. When I hit Iowa this wave of saddness welled up and took over. Tears began to fall as all the regrets I had about not getting back to Iowa sooner and as all the feelings of missing my best friend came back as strong as they had been when I first found out Will had passed away last August. It was a rough ride and although I didn't realize it at the time it was the start of getting everything back to where it needed to be. See until that moment I was sure I had dealt with the loss of Will but I really hadn't. Instead of dealing with the loss I just distracted myself. I let myself get very busy and just kept moving. I started spending more time with friends and even threw myself into my own home business, but also started to avoid some of the things I really loved, like reading and writing (the things I used to do when I was on my own). I was sure that I was healing but really I was avoiding. I stopped thinking about Will (unless he popped into my head - which always knocked me on my butt). It felt right at the time, it felt like this is what I was supposed to do.
I should step back a moment because there is another aspect that plays into this and that is that before my trip I was also having to re-invent myself at work. Due to an increasing level of drama and constantly getting lectured about how I interact with my co-workers I realized that at work I was going to have to be someone different. I had to become more neutral, less friendly and yet still put on my happy face. Ever day was a challenge as I tried to hold in some of my base instincts, like correcting people if they have the wrong answer, or making quick jokes and sarcastic remarks to things being said. It was very hard for me. I have always been an open book. I am who I am and if you like me fine and if you don't fine, but for the sake of my job I couldn't do this anymore. The result was before my trip I was increasingly frustrated, angry and paranoid. When I was at work I felt like I was spinning out of control and was feeling incredibly lost. It was not a happy place. I was at the point something had to change or I had to find a new job.
On my birthday, the Sunday of the convention, we had Will's memorial. When I first found out it was going to be on my birthday I was a little bothered. I thought it was a way to ruin what should be a good day but it turned out to be a blessing. I knew the day would be hard because it was the first birthday where I wasn't going to get a birthday card online or in the mail from Will. He never forgot. So when we were in the memorial and his friends were sharing stories Will came back to me. I could hear his voice in my head and picture him as clear as if I had just seen him right before. I held back the tears and shared my own stories. That hour let me say good-bye. After it was over I went up to my room and I cried. It was the first time I cried just because of missing him and not having him in my life anymore. They were sad tears and happy tears, for all I had lost but also for all he had given me. (In the past whenever I had cried for him it was my own feelings of regret and guilt for things I didn't do that were running in my head). When I was done crying I cleaned up and went for a birthday meal by myself. I ordered two drinks, one to celebrate Will and one to celebrate my birthday. It was my chance to not only say good-bye but to accept that life will move on even if I only get to carry him in my memories and heart. It really was a turning point for me.
Now just over a month later I'm happy to be writing in this blog again. Things have been getting better. I started writing again and have come up with a story idea that gave me goosebumps as I shared it with another of my close friends. The cool thing with it is the research I need for it falls in to my lap as soon as I can think of it. This story wants to be written and it may seem silly or crazy to some of you but I think Will is helping. He always encouraged me to write and in going to Iowa to say good-bye he opened the door for my creativity again. Writing has been the biggest and most exciting thing to come back into my life but not the only thing. I have also been able to deal with work. I still have to be someone different when I walk in the doors but all the time alone in the car showed me how I can balance that by just taking a few minutes at the start and the end of each work shift to put work in its place. It is a job to pay the bills so I can do the things I really love. It is not my social outlet and if I just do my job the day goes by and I can let the drama roll off my back.
The only thing left to get back on track is my weight loss. I should have realized as I gained everything I lost back that I wasn't dealing with what was bothering me but I ignored it so I am back where i started but I am also back ready to start doing the hard work I need to again. I have started working out again and am working on getting my good habits back. They are so easy to let slide but this time I carry with me the belief that I can do it. I now carry with me a simple sentence Will wrote to me in an email, one that reminds me that I matter to people and I need to take care of myself so I can stay in their lives. The sentence he wrote was "You are a woman of special and unique gifts, and you deserve to feel good about who and what you are." He always believed in me and now I carry his belief of me and my talents inside. Those beliefs are in my heart with his memory. I will use Will's belief in me to help me when I am losing faith in myself next time.
In May, I took a trip to Des Moines, Iowa for a convention called Demicon. I was invited by one of Will's friends, Eric, who had arranged to do a small memorial at the convention for Will. When he first told me about this I wasn't sure if I should go, if I wanted to go or even if I would be able to go. Flights to Des Moines aren't cheap because it's not direct from Calgary, and there was also the fact that the convention fell on the weekend of my birthday. But as I talked to my parents and a few friends about it I knew that this was a trip that I should and needed to make. So I pulled out a map and noticed that although it would be a long drive it could also be a very cool drive that could bring me through places like Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone National Park, not to mention a whole lot of other cool places. I put plans in motion and started to put together my very first major road trip. As the trip grew closer I started to doubt if I really should be doing it. I was scared about the amount of time I would be driving. I was worried about how old my car is and if she would be able to make the trip or if it would kill her. Even the morning of the 3rd as I pulled out of Stirling and headed towards the border there was part of me that wanted to turn around. Of course I didn't and in the end the trip was one of the best experiences I have ever had. Not only did a learn a lot about myself but I also found myself again even though I didn't realize I was lost.
It was when I hit the border between South Dakota and Iowa that I realized how lost I was. When I hit Iowa this wave of saddness welled up and took over. Tears began to fall as all the regrets I had about not getting back to Iowa sooner and as all the feelings of missing my best friend came back as strong as they had been when I first found out Will had passed away last August. It was a rough ride and although I didn't realize it at the time it was the start of getting everything back to where it needed to be. See until that moment I was sure I had dealt with the loss of Will but I really hadn't. Instead of dealing with the loss I just distracted myself. I let myself get very busy and just kept moving. I started spending more time with friends and even threw myself into my own home business, but also started to avoid some of the things I really loved, like reading and writing (the things I used to do when I was on my own). I was sure that I was healing but really I was avoiding. I stopped thinking about Will (unless he popped into my head - which always knocked me on my butt). It felt right at the time, it felt like this is what I was supposed to do.
I should step back a moment because there is another aspect that plays into this and that is that before my trip I was also having to re-invent myself at work. Due to an increasing level of drama and constantly getting lectured about how I interact with my co-workers I realized that at work I was going to have to be someone different. I had to become more neutral, less friendly and yet still put on my happy face. Ever day was a challenge as I tried to hold in some of my base instincts, like correcting people if they have the wrong answer, or making quick jokes and sarcastic remarks to things being said. It was very hard for me. I have always been an open book. I am who I am and if you like me fine and if you don't fine, but for the sake of my job I couldn't do this anymore. The result was before my trip I was increasingly frustrated, angry and paranoid. When I was at work I felt like I was spinning out of control and was feeling incredibly lost. It was not a happy place. I was at the point something had to change or I had to find a new job.
On my birthday, the Sunday of the convention, we had Will's memorial. When I first found out it was going to be on my birthday I was a little bothered. I thought it was a way to ruin what should be a good day but it turned out to be a blessing. I knew the day would be hard because it was the first birthday where I wasn't going to get a birthday card online or in the mail from Will. He never forgot. So when we were in the memorial and his friends were sharing stories Will came back to me. I could hear his voice in my head and picture him as clear as if I had just seen him right before. I held back the tears and shared my own stories. That hour let me say good-bye. After it was over I went up to my room and I cried. It was the first time I cried just because of missing him and not having him in my life anymore. They were sad tears and happy tears, for all I had lost but also for all he had given me. (In the past whenever I had cried for him it was my own feelings of regret and guilt for things I didn't do that were running in my head). When I was done crying I cleaned up and went for a birthday meal by myself. I ordered two drinks, one to celebrate Will and one to celebrate my birthday. It was my chance to not only say good-bye but to accept that life will move on even if I only get to carry him in my memories and heart. It really was a turning point for me.
Now just over a month later I'm happy to be writing in this blog again. Things have been getting better. I started writing again and have come up with a story idea that gave me goosebumps as I shared it with another of my close friends. The cool thing with it is the research I need for it falls in to my lap as soon as I can think of it. This story wants to be written and it may seem silly or crazy to some of you but I think Will is helping. He always encouraged me to write and in going to Iowa to say good-bye he opened the door for my creativity again. Writing has been the biggest and most exciting thing to come back into my life but not the only thing. I have also been able to deal with work. I still have to be someone different when I walk in the doors but all the time alone in the car showed me how I can balance that by just taking a few minutes at the start and the end of each work shift to put work in its place. It is a job to pay the bills so I can do the things I really love. It is not my social outlet and if I just do my job the day goes by and I can let the drama roll off my back.
The only thing left to get back on track is my weight loss. I should have realized as I gained everything I lost back that I wasn't dealing with what was bothering me but I ignored it so I am back where i started but I am also back ready to start doing the hard work I need to again. I have started working out again and am working on getting my good habits back. They are so easy to let slide but this time I carry with me the belief that I can do it. I now carry with me a simple sentence Will wrote to me in an email, one that reminds me that I matter to people and I need to take care of myself so I can stay in their lives. The sentence he wrote was "You are a woman of special and unique gifts, and you deserve to feel good about who and what you are." He always believed in me and now I carry his belief of me and my talents inside. Those beliefs are in my heart with his memory. I will use Will's belief in me to help me when I am losing faith in myself next time.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Christmas Challenges
I was sitting here tonight about ready to order a pizza and wings and decided it was probably a better idea to write instead, since it's 11:30 and I'm not really hungry I'm just sad.
Christmas has always been one of my favourite times of year, like I'm sure it is for most people. The funny thing with me and Christmas is that if something is going to go wrong it seems to happen now. I have dealt with the family fights and even the end of a close friendship all around Christmas but for the last 10 Christmas's I had back up. I knew no matter what was going on I could send an email off to Will and know he would calm me down, reassure me or just be a shoulder to cry on. This year that is missing. I have been really lucky so far because up until this weekend I was starting to feel really good. In fact after last weekend where I got to meet one of my favourite country singers, Paul Brandt, and that left me feeling the closest to normal that I have felt since August. This weekend though has been tough. I realized that although I have been trying to get into the Christmas spirit that I'm not there. Normally I have everything done and ready but this year I can't seem to get things done. Monday we have our potluck at work which I always love but today I have been seriously considering calling in sick so I don't have to go and put on my happy face. Part of me wishes that I was also not going to my sister's for Christmas so I could just hide and let the day pass. This of course has led to me feeling guilty about wanting to avoid the holiday.
I hate that I feel this way but am not sure how to fight it. I can see now why Christmas can be a hard time of year for people and why you hear about so many sad people. You want to be happy and you don't want to bring anyone else down but if you aren't feeling that way it's hard to know where to turn. I have been trying to find ways to deal with my feelings so that I don't have a negative affect on anyone elses holiday. I have spent a lot of time writing in my journal. I also have been listening to music, especially a handful of songs that make me feel like someone understands. I have also started trying to pray. I don't necessarily believe in god but I do think there is something to be said for asking what you want out loud and for sending your love out into the world. In the end though I guess I just keep having to put one foot in front of the other with a little faith that things will get better and that I will be able to deal with this grief and move past it.
I know this blog has sort of lost its direction lately but in some ways that is kind of like my weight loss journey itself. I guess it just shows how although we may plan on one thing that sometimes life has other plans. But like my weight loss journey I will keep plugging away and I will get this blog on track along with my world. I will find a way to put all the pieces back together.
Anyway for all of you who still read my blog I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, I may not be feeling it but I do hope each and everyone else is. Remember to take time to show your loved ones how much you care, do not take them for granted because you never know how much time you will really have with the people you love. "We only have today, forever isn't waiting" - Paul Brandt.
Christmas has always been one of my favourite times of year, like I'm sure it is for most people. The funny thing with me and Christmas is that if something is going to go wrong it seems to happen now. I have dealt with the family fights and even the end of a close friendship all around Christmas but for the last 10 Christmas's I had back up. I knew no matter what was going on I could send an email off to Will and know he would calm me down, reassure me or just be a shoulder to cry on. This year that is missing. I have been really lucky so far because up until this weekend I was starting to feel really good. In fact after last weekend where I got to meet one of my favourite country singers, Paul Brandt, and that left me feeling the closest to normal that I have felt since August. This weekend though has been tough. I realized that although I have been trying to get into the Christmas spirit that I'm not there. Normally I have everything done and ready but this year I can't seem to get things done. Monday we have our potluck at work which I always love but today I have been seriously considering calling in sick so I don't have to go and put on my happy face. Part of me wishes that I was also not going to my sister's for Christmas so I could just hide and let the day pass. This of course has led to me feeling guilty about wanting to avoid the holiday.
I hate that I feel this way but am not sure how to fight it. I can see now why Christmas can be a hard time of year for people and why you hear about so many sad people. You want to be happy and you don't want to bring anyone else down but if you aren't feeling that way it's hard to know where to turn. I have been trying to find ways to deal with my feelings so that I don't have a negative affect on anyone elses holiday. I have spent a lot of time writing in my journal. I also have been listening to music, especially a handful of songs that make me feel like someone understands. I have also started trying to pray. I don't necessarily believe in god but I do think there is something to be said for asking what you want out loud and for sending your love out into the world. In the end though I guess I just keep having to put one foot in front of the other with a little faith that things will get better and that I will be able to deal with this grief and move past it.
I know this blog has sort of lost its direction lately but in some ways that is kind of like my weight loss journey itself. I guess it just shows how although we may plan on one thing that sometimes life has other plans. But like my weight loss journey I will keep plugging away and I will get this blog on track along with my world. I will find a way to put all the pieces back together.
Anyway for all of you who still read my blog I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, I may not be feeling it but I do hope each and everyone else is. Remember to take time to show your loved ones how much you care, do not take them for granted because you never know how much time you will really have with the people you love. "We only have today, forever isn't waiting" - Paul Brandt.
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