Some Memories Deserve to Stand Alone
As I sat down to write about my
experiences this year at the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo I quickly realized
I had too much to say for one entry.
This is now part 2 of 3, with the last to follow tomorrow. I apologize now for the length of this
entry. It has been rewritten and
reworked many times since Saturday. It’s
funny how living the moment and experiencing the changes that came, were so much
easier than trying to share it and explain it. Happy reading!
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I have always felt that if you see goodness in the world that it should
be recognized, celebrated and shared.
Our world seems to spend a lot of time sharing and talking about the
negative and sometimes you just need to see that there is some light in
it. This is the main reason that I
wanted to share this memory and experience by itself. Meeting Raphael Sbarge at the Calgary Comic
and Entertainment Expo this past weekend brought some light into my world.
I love and look forward to Calgary Expo every year. Most of the people I work with know that come
April they shouldn’t even ask me about it because it will get me babbling away
like a goof. I always know that it is
going to be a fun weekend, where I get to meet my some of my long time crushes,
actors & actresses I admire, and just get to be surrounded by a lot of
really cool people and things. It is a
place where everyone is accepted no matter what. It is one of the few times I can be in a
large group of people and not feel judged.
This year started off a bit different for me though. For the first time ever I found myself
noticing people staring at me and even sadly heard a few whispered comments
that I wish I hadn’t. It put me in a weird
head space for Thursday and Friday and once I was in that head space it was
hard to ignore the looks that all seemed to be directed at me. I have no doubt this mood and sensitivity
would have continued for the weekend but then I got to witness something that
changed my whole mind set and opened me up to what became one of the best
weekends I have experienced.
On Friday at my last photo op of the day I got in line. I was looking forward to the picture but not
super excited. I mean it was following
after my Boy Meets World photo which I had been looking forward to for months
and it was also the end of the day so I was a little tired. I was
happy to be there but not my usual super-excited-crazy-expo-Jill happy. Don’t get me wrong, Once Upon a Time is one
of my favourite shows and Raphael plays one of my favourite characters on the
show (not to mention he has guest starred in a lot of my other favourite shows)
but if I’m being completely truthful, had another guest not cancelled I
probably wouldn’t have even done the photo op.
It’s funny how things work out though because now I wouldn’t trade the
photo and moments that went with it for the world.
I planned to go in smile, pick up my photo and then head home. What happened though was completely
unexpected to me in the very best way.
In front of me was a lady who was in an electric scooter. She was struggling to try and get up so
she could stand for her photo. I watched
as Raphael walked over to her and offered to help. He then walked with her to the mark for the
photo, talking to her the whole time. I
could feel the compassion and warmth in that photo booth. In a place that is usually so hurried and
rushed it was refreshing to see the pace slow down so one fan could have an
amazing experience. After the photo was
taken he walked her back and then joined me.
He thanked me for my patience before asking my name. The photo was taken and I left deeply moved
by what I had just seen. As crazy as
this is going to sound I actually felt lighter and happier just by being there
to witness that moment. I can only
imagine what it would have felt like for that lady.
To put this into perspective I should explain a little bit about myself
because it will totally make more sense why this moved me so deeply. When I was two years old my mom had a
stroke. This was many years ago and they
didn’t have near the knowledge or drugs to help reverse the damage a stroke can
cause so my mom was left with mobility issues.
The stroke damage caused my mom's left side to no longer really function. She has always had to walk
with a cane and or use a scooter to get around and she has never in my memory
been able to use her left hand. I don’t
know her any other way, although one of my favourite childhood photos is of me
as a baby and my mom’s legs. She was
skating and pulling me in a sled around Bowness Park. Another favourite is of her crouched down and
watching me trying to walk. I don't remember her this way but the photos always make me wonder what if.
Growing up with a mom who is disabled wasn’t always easy. I often wondered what it would be like if I
had a “normal” family but the reality is for all the struggles I wouldn’t
change a thing because it sure taught me a lot.
I watched how she was treated, both good and bad, and learned a lot
about the world from her experiences. I
learned a lot about how I want to treat people from it as well. It’s not always easy and as an adult I often
have to remind myself to have patience with her, especially when we travel, but
I continue to strive to be kind to her.
A huge part of the reason I am the way I am is because of her and I love
her for it. I’m proud of my mom and her
strength. My empathy, compassion and desire to make a difference all come from watching her.
The kindness and compassion Raphael showed to that woman in front of me
really struck a chord because of my mom.
I knew that I wanted to be able to say thank you for it. I was filled with gratitude for him because
it’s people like him that have always shown kindness to my mom as well. I went home Friday night and thought a lot
about that moment. I went back and forth
trying to decide if I was actually going to say anything when I went to get my
autograph. The true memory and moment
belong to the woman in front of me and should be hers to share but I still felt
changed by experiencing it so it left me feeling a little conflicted. I thought about it and wrote about it that
night and when I headed back to the Expo Saturday morning I still didn’t know
if I was going to say anything, right up until Raphael smiled at me and asked
how the photo turned out. Well suddenly
all the emotion of the night before (and probably also a little amplified due
to lack of sleep) came flooding back and I knew sharing my gratitude was the
right thing to do.
So I shared my thank you and gratitude for the moment. I told him a little about my story although
probably not very elegantly. He
patiently listened and responded back. I
don’t know that I made a whole lot of sense but he showed me a lot of kindness
just by listening. The whole time he had the warmest smile on his face. He reached out and touched my hand once or twice which let me feel connected and at ease. It let me be open, honest and pour my heart
out a little. It was such a sweet moment
in which I felt vulnerable and unguarded.
He was charming and friendly. He
made me laugh when he said he had to stop for a second because it was tricky to
write and talk. I had his full attention
for a few minutes and I felt like the only person in the world. It probably helped that there was no one in
line so I didn’t feel like I need to rush off.
I had planned to just say my thank you and go but he kept me
talking. I think in a way that was
almost the best part. I got to share my
thank you but still got to have a really interesting separate conversation with
him so I could have a moment that was all mine.
He asked me about Once Upon a Time and I told him how I loved it because
it appealed to the writer in me because it was such a cool concept. The moment that touched me the most in this part of the conversation though was when he asked me what I wrote. You wouldn’t
think this would be a big deal but it really made me feel important and
special. I’m there to meet him and yet
he was taking a little bit of time to ask about me. Again like in the photo op I could just feel
his kindness and spirit (that sounds so fluffy but it’s the only way I can
think to explain it).
After signing my photo and taking a selfie with me he then gave me a
hug. Now I have often gotten hugs at
Expo (never because I ask…I’m too shy for that…but because if they offered who
is going to say no) and the thing with them is there never feel overly personal
or special. With Raphael this was not
the case. The hug he gave was a good and
proper hug. I have no doubt he could
feel me shaking so he might have been terrified I was going to faint or
something but it was amazing none the less.
Heheh! If there was any doubt in
my mind what type of guy he was, it was gone after that. I thanked him again and said it was great to
meet him. I then quickly walked away
because I could feel the tears starting.
No one at a convention no matter how excited or how cool the interaction,
has ever left me feeling so emotional in such a good way or any way for that
matter. He is also the first to ever
make me cry at the Expo (although John Barrowman came close last year for
similar reasons). I walked away feeling
like a better person for having been around him. I suspect from the stories I have been
hearing he is always like this and I’m not all that special but it made a huge
impression on me.
The reality of my life is that I often don’t get to see the best in
people. I have spent years being treated
differently or judged because of how I look.
It has left me guarded in a lot of ways, which I have been working hard
to change. So to come across someone who
doesn’t know me but was still so open and genuine with me made my day and
weekend. I felt accepted and valued in
that moment. It was a fantastic feeling.
It doesn’t take much to be nice to people but I believe to truly show
kindness the way Raphael did, does take a special person. I don’t think it is something you can
fake. It made me want to do something to
show my gratitude and appreciation back which is why I asked Elisa to draw me the little Jiminy Cricket sketch that I shared yesterday. I also made a little thank you card and wrote
a letter so I could explain in better words what the experience of meeting him
meant to me. Selfishly I knew doing this
would also mean that I could go back and talk to him again for a few minutes
but mostly I just wanted him to know he made a difference in my world.
First thing Sunday morning I stopped by his booth again to drop it all
off. I wish I had prepared a bit better
what I wanted to say because as incoherent as I was on Saturday it was worse on
Sunday. There were others in line and I
had already had my time with him so I sort of rushed through not wanting to take away from the other fans time. I’m not going to lie I was also terrified I
would start to cry in front of him and I didn’t want that to happen. As awkward as I felt, he was amazing and
friendly again. I didn’t give him much
of a chance to say anything this time (babbling Jill had taken over and she is
hard to shut up) but he took it in stride.
Before I left he came around the table again gave me another good real
hug. I felt that hug all day.
I have been sharing this story with most of my friends and every time I
struggle to try and put it into words what happened and its impact. Every
time I share it I feel the same swell of my heart. The joy and happiness that was brought in to
my world by meeting one person is beyond anything I could have hoped or
imagined. It was such an amazing
experience. I feel honoured and privileged
to have gotten to meet Raphael Sbarge. He
left a huge impression on me. He flipped
my whole mood around in a few moments.
When I think of my 2017 Expo experience the memory of meeting him will
be the first that pops into my head, even with all the other cool moments I
talked about yesterday. I can promise
that if he was to come back I would be the first in line again. What a classy and lovely man. It might sound a little (okay a lot) cliché
but I think the world is a better place with someone like him in it. I also think we could do with a whole lot
more people like him. I for one will
remember his patience and kindness the next time I’m getting frustrated by a
situation or a person.
I learned and relearned many lessons this weekend (see tomorrow’s
blog…hehe) and I have to say that at least a few of them are a direct result of
meeting and interacting with Raphael. So
from the bottom of my heart, should you ever read this Raphael, I thank you for
coming and for being so genuine and real.
It was a privilege to have met you.
You have made a fan for life…well okay I was already a fan for life but
now I can appreciate you on a different level.
I will forever be grateful for those few interactions. Sending you my love and gratitude.
“A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion
are things that renew humanity.” - Buddha
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