Struggles

It has been ages since I wrote about my weight loss and my weight loss journey and I figured it was time to open up and write about it again.  I haven’t written about my journey because for a long time now I feel like I’ve lost my way.  I have a hard time admitting when I’m struggling and right now that is what is going on.  I have actually written one version of this blog or another several times over the last year but have never got to the point where I felt like I could share it but I think sharing it will help me get back on track.

In the last year I feel like I have struggled to find my motivation to keep moving forward.  It has become easier to make excuses than it has been to continue to do the work I need to in order to move forward.  Sure there have been some very real obstacles and setbacks but I’m letting those define me.  This creates a problem because if I’m not working to move forward then I’m actually moving backwards because nothing stays the same.  The backslide I’m on is starting to be noticeable when I look at the graph of my weight.  It’s been bouncing around up and down but the overall trend has been to creep ever so slowly up again.  I am not willing to accept this.

Tonight I decided it was time to find my motivation again.  I needed to spend some time looking at where I am, where I want to be and what I stand to gain and lose if I do or don’t make permanent changes in my life.  I’m not ready to share all my answers yet but these are the questions that I have spent some time working on.  I do plan to share the answers to these questions in my blog as soon as I get them to the point where the answer is the most coherent, the most complete, the most honest and most truthful that I can make them.

The questions I asked myself tonight were:

1. What is my why?  What do I have to gain by losing weight?  I know that the answer to this question has to be strong and concrete because ultimately this is what will help give me my motivation especially when I’m struggling like I am now.  It is from my why that I will find the mantra that will fill my brain.

2.  What is getting in the way right now?  What obstacles do I see that are currently stopping me from moving forward and how can I get past them?  The list that I came up with is a mix of excuses and legitimate obstacles.  I don’t have the solutions for all the obstacles but I’m hoping in having them written down it will keep them in my mind so that I can work on finding solutions.  As for the excuses it is amazing how silly they seem when written down so with a little bit of reframing I hope to change these excuses into something that I can use to my benefit.

3. What changes do I need to make to live a healthy life and achieve a healthy weight?  For this question I’m really just looking at the baby steps I need to change.  I have made a lot of changes already in my life and the ones that have stuck are the ones that I thought out and worked on one at a time.  So with a list of changes I need/want to make it will let me prioritize what to do and when to do them.

4. Who can I reach out to when I’m struggling?  I wanted to create a list of people that I can reach out to.  I struggle to feel connected to people and I know in a lot of cases it’s my own mind getting in the way.  Not only that but I also struggle to ask for help even when I know that I have a lot of people in my life who know a great deal more than me about many things.  I figure having a go to list of people who I know I can talk to, rely on and who I can trust with my emotions and struggles will make it easier to reach out (well with a little practice anyway.)

5. What are the things that I really love about myself as I am today?  What parts of myself am I ready to leave behind and work to change?  This is a question that I think is important not just now but hopefully will also be important as I keep moving on this journey.  Much in the same way I had pictures taken at my heaviest that I love, I wanted to have a list of characteristics that I love about myself so that I can remind myself even on my worst days that I am made of some pretty good stuff.

6.  The last question I set out for myself was how do I want to reward myself?  This one I still need to spend a lot more time on.  I have a few big rewards for myself that I see happening towards the end of this journey but I also want to find things to reward myself with along the way.

My go forward plan over the next few days and into the weekend is to take these questions and answers and keep working on them.  Once I get them to the point where they are clear, organized and more complete I am going to commit them to a bullet journal.  When I first discovered the idea of a bullet journal I knew it would make a great tool to be able to use on my weight loss journey.  I want something that I can carry with me that I can hold on to, look to and become an anchor.  It will contain my progress, my struggles and my triumphs.  The plan is that it will contain everything I need to create success.

I have been writing about changing my life for far too long.  It is time I take everything that I have learned and all my desire and hope and make this happen.  I started 2017 knowing that this was going to be my year and I’m going to make it happen.  I’m not wasting any more time because I’m tired of looking back and seeing wasted time and effort.