Farwell 2014: Thanks for All the Memories

Today I was looking back on my journal entry from this time last year and remembering how hopeful and excited I was for 2014. One of the lines I wrote was “Jill is going to shine in 2014” and you know what I feel like I did.  2014 was an amazing year for me.  Over the last twelve months I found the ability to focus on my goals, a greater sense of confidence in myself and even more peace with my life.  It was a year that surprised me in many ways and also taught me many things.  I feel blessed and changed for all that I experienced this year.  So as I count down the hours until I say goodbye to 2014 and hello to 2015 I figured I should do one last look back at the resolutions I made for 2014 and the new ones I will take forward with me for 2015.

For a look back on my entry at the start of 2014 you can check it out here:
New Year’s Resolutions Past and Present

1) Move More/Lose More
Of all my 2014 resolutions this one is the one that I am the most proud of.  Without a shadow of a doubt I can claim success of this goal.  Actually the sad fact is I was so successful adding movement into my life that this also became one of my excuses why the other goals didn’t get completed as well.  Hehehe.  Not only have I seen my daily Fitbit step totals rise (I am regularly achieving between 11000-13000 steps each day) but I have also taken on many new challenges.  The biggest of course was signing up and completing my first 5K walk.  I also got over some of my fears and misgivings when it came to training and signed up with a personal trainer to help continue to push me along with this resolution.  In terms of my weight loss I didn‘t lose as much as I had hoped but I did manage to lose 23.2 pounds this year bringing my overall weight loss total to 31.1 from my highest weight.  I‘m very proud of this and am beyond excited by the fact that I was finally able to get below the weight I was when Will passed away.  It helped me to feel like I really am moving forward and starting to live the life I know he always wanted me to have.

I am amazed all the time when I look back at where I was at the start of the year to where I am now.  I am doing things I only vaguely hoped for and even things that I didn‘t know to hope for.  This resolution did have a little surprise for me though.  Going into this goal I knew that I would find success when it came to my weight loss.  I also knew that there was no reason I couldn’t move more.  What surprised me though was how much this resolution actually had an effect on my confidence.  Every challenge I took on and every time I lift a stronger weight at the gym I get this huge rush of knowing that I am capable of doing anything.  This goal has allowed me to prove to myself that I am able to do anything.  It has also shown me just how determined I can be when I really believe in something.  I am changed as a person for taking this resolution on.

2) One Day a Week Vegetarian
This resolution was and is mostly a success.  I don’t have a set day that I am all vegetarian but I do eat a lot more variety when it comes to my diet especially when it comes to my proteins.  I have discovered that I love the flavour that comes with a lot of my vegetarian dishes.  I have also been trying to incorporate more vegetables into my everyday diet.  I never knew just how much I really do love veggies until I started this challenge.  Besides just adding more veggies to my diet it has also been interesting to try different forms of protein, grains and other foods I probably never would have tried had it not been for this goal.  A few of my new favourite foods that I wouldn’t have tried include lentils, quinoa and spinach.  This resolution has very much turned into a lifestyle.  I will never become a full vegetarian but I will for sure continue to make many vegetarian meals and continue to have meat free days play a role in my life.

3) Regular Blog Posts
This resolution was pretty much a failure especially when you consider my last entry was back in September after my 5K.  I did have moments of success where I had a purpose and was able to write regularly but I found it hard to maintain.  This is where I blame my first resolution.  Working out regularly has taken a huge toll on the amount of free time I have in my day.  Writing has slipped a bit to the back burner.  I am still writing but it is finding the time to finish the blogs I start and get them ready to be put up that I am struggling with.  That being said I am starting to realize the importance and power that could come from my blog.  This year I have learned the importance of finding people to support you in your goals and it is my hope that my blog can grow into something that will allow my friends the chance to be a part of my journey even if they can‘t physically be with me on all parts of it.  I also hope that it can become a source of inspiration to help my friends find support for their own journeys.

4) 365 Photo-a-Day Project
As much as I love this project and think the one I did for 2013 is still one my favourite scrapbooks, I didn’t manage to pull it off for 2014.  I think the biggest hurdle was the fact I wasn’t printing the pages as I went.  I had a lot of great things happen in 2014 but without the effort of scrapbooking them regularly I lost motivation and focus on this.  As October came I found that it was a huge struggle to remember to take the photos and I was feeling the fatigue of trying to come up with new things to take pictures of.  I love how much I have learned from even attempting this challenge though.  It has taught me to find beauty and gratitude in even the smallest parts of my life.  It has also helped me to capture moments that I might never have before.  Although I didn’t complete this challenge I do plan on continuing to take lots of pictures and continue to try and capture all the little and big moments that happen in my life.  The pictures help to keep the memories and moments alive.  I love looking back on all the moments I have captured so even if I failed this resolution I still feel like I found at least some success in it.

5) Read 50 Books
I came close to completing this goal but again fell shy this year.  I managed to read 42 books this year which is 14 more than I read in 2013.  I can’t feel bad about that.  I read some pretty great books this year, rediscovered an old favourite author (R L Stine) and even discovered a new favourite author (John Green).  All things considering I think that it was a pretty great year for reading in my world.  The coolest part of this resolution was the fact that all the reading helped rekindle my love of fiction and desire to create stories. 

Of the 42 books that I read this year there are a couple that stand out as being favourites.  They are all different and became favourites for different reasons but for those of you who are curious here are my top picks in no particular order:

                The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

                As You Wish by Cary Elwes

                The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level (in Real Life) by Chris Hardwick

                Ashfall by Mike Mullin

                Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

 

6) Nanowrimo challenge Complete a Draft of Conor’s Story

Like my blog writing this challenge was not completed.  I did spend a good deal of time both researching and working on this story but I’m starting to realize the challenge that comes with wanting to write historical fiction.  I love the story that I’m trying to create but there is a lot of stuff that I really had no clue about that I need to know in order to help make it believable.  Who knew I didn’t know much about being an orphan boy going off to war ;-)  I have made a good deal of progress on this story though so I’m still happy with how this resolution came along.  I will continue to plod away to try and bring the story that is running through my imagination out into a form that everyone can enjoy.

 

After 2014 and learning just how important having goals really is for me I would be remiss if I didn’t set out some new resolutions for 2015.  I have been thinking a lot about it the last few weeks because I want to know when I look back at the end of the year that I am able to be successful.  The perfectionist in me wants to set a goal and be able to check it off a list but one of the other things I learned this year is that it is okay not to reach a goal as long as you keep pushing for it and can walk away after and say that I have done my best.  So with all of that in mind I have tried to pick resolutions that will challenge me to push myself but will also hopefully allow me to find an even greater sense of success at the end of 2015.  It will not be surprising to see that my overall goals haven’t changed but I have added a few layers to the goals that will hopefully help me build to the big overall resolutions.  So here they are my resolutions for 2015.

 

1) Move More, Lose More

                Mini Goals: Run a 5K, Repeat the Terry Fox Run with a quicker time
2) Set aside dedicated time for writing once a week
                Mini Goals: Regular blog posts, continuing work on Conor‘s story, tackling Nanowrimo
3) Read 50 Books
4) Eat Cleaner and Less Processed Foods
                Mini Goals: Eating out no more than once a week, creating weekly meal plans, batch cooking on weekends

Once again I find myself excited as I look towards next year.  I am finally learning to feel comfortable in my skin and I expect next year will continue to see me grow and learn how to get the most out of my life.  I look forward to celebrating as I complete at least two more 5Ks and look forward to doing some real travelling because it has been far too long since I took a major trip.  This year was amazing and I only expect that it will continue to get better.

So as we all get prepared to celebrate the end of the year I want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year.  I hope that 2014 was good to you and that 2015 will help you all get a little closer to your dreams.

Anything is Possible…

…with a dream, hard work, and the support of your loved ones.

It seems like a long time ago now when I first mentioned to a friend the idea of signing up to run a 5K.  She didn’t laugh or say why not try walking one first but instead told me she thought it was a great idea and that she would join me.  Now 6 months later and with her beside me I finished my very first 5K yesterday.  This entry is all about my run and dedicated to everyone who has loved, supported and cheered me on.  I’m honoured and humbled by all that you bring into my life.

Yesterday I did something that I didn’t truly believe was possible even though I had already proved to myself that I could walk 5k over and over.  Yesterday I not only participated in the Terry Fox run but I also jogged chunks of it.  I wasn’t the fastest (which I knew I wasn’t going to be) but it didn’t matter in the slightest.  All that mattered was that I finished and I finished strong. 

 

Doing the 5K wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be even as prepared as I was.  I had moments of real struggle like when I got a stitch in my side or when just as I was about to start running to the finish line my back felt so tight that I had to stop and stretch it out before I could run again.  I also quickly realized as much as I have worked on the voice in my head that it still speaks up with doubt when I’m doing something challenging.  It popped up right after I had done my first run interval and started to remind me of how much harder this was than running on the treadmill and telling me that there was no way I would be able to keep doing it.  Luckily I had two great partners beside me to talk and distract me from that voice and reassuring me that I can do this.  By the time I finished my second run interval that doubt was forgotten and determination took over.

In spite of the challenges something I’m very proud of is the fact that I was able to keep my smile and positive attitude the whole time.  I even managed to keep laughing and joking of course some of that was probably just nervous energy.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to maintain my mood before I started.  In fact I had previously warned my friend that I would probably be tired and cranky by the end of everything.  What I was counting on was how truly amazing it felt to be out doing this run for cancer research with about 1500 other people.  The crowd was enthusiastic and excited.  It was hard not to be positive and smiling.  

 

Nearing the end but still smiling and still moving!

The last kilometer was the probably the hardest for me because although I knew I could finish my body was starting to feeling the strain of my weight and previous four kilometers.  I was tired and just waiting for the end.  It felt so close and so far all at the same time.  I just kept putting one foot in front of the other though and kept moving towards the end.

As we reach the final few meters my lower back was incredibly tight and sore but I was determined to run across the finish line.  So I quickly stopped to stretch my back out a bit and then my friend beside me we jogged to the end and across that finish line.  What amazed me was the burst of energy I felt just before I was going to cross it.  I could feel my body push a little faster and I ran across it strong and smiling.  In that moment I didn’t even see the people around me or hear the cheers I just felt this huge rush go through my body.  It was exhilarating.  I have never been more proud of myself in that moment. It was such an accomplishment.  It has been a long time since I worked so diligently and hard towards a goal.  I most definitely will be doing this again.

Along with being proud of my run I am also proud of the amount of money my team and myself were able to raise for the cause.  My personal total raised was $540.  Along with that I take credit for the team fundraising events total of 375.85 which means I very nearly made my goal of $1000.  Overall as a team we managed to raise over $2300 (I’m not sure what the final total was as we had some last minute donations that didn’t get added in to our page).  I am so proud of the work we put in and the amount we pulled off especially since this was the first time I have ever really taken on something like this.  I am proud to be able to do a small part in the large battle against cancer.

Before I end this blog I want to take a few minutes to acknowledge some very special people.  I couldn’t have done this journey on my own and I think a great deal of thanks need to be shared. (Sorry I know it’s rather award show of me but I really couldn’t have done this on my own and I think recognition should always be shared.)

The first thank you has to go to my fellow Screening Sirens.  I put the idea out to all of you and you all blew me away with your willingness to sign on and jump in.  You have been there to help me with fundraising and to just be there so I knew I had a reason I couldn’t quit.  I loved being the captain of such a great group of positive people.  I look forward to doing it again with all of you.

Screening Sirens showing a little love

Second I need to thank all of my donors both my personal donors and the team donors.  It was an honour to be able to do this run on your behalf.  I hope that I have done you all proud.  It is because of you I feel I can say that this run was a success on all sides.  I have so much love and gratitude to all of you who were willing to support me with your donations.

Third to EVERYONE who has every cheered me on especially on Facebook.  You have kept me going on this journey even on the hardest days.  You shared your excitement and enthusiasm for what I was doing.  You filled my world with so much positivity it would have been impossible for me not to succeed.  You are family and friends from around the world and I shine because of you.

Last a very special thank you to Tina.  I want you to know how much your support has meant to me.  You inspire me to do more and keep reaching towards becoming the active person I know that I am inside.  You have taken the time to walk with me countless times over the last few months.  You have encouraged me and offered so much advice.  You have never once shown anything but positive energy towards me and my goals no matter how crazy they may seem.  Without fail you have kept my worst doubts at bay and shown me that I really can reach for things that seem out of reach.  Without you I don’t know that this run would have happened.  You moved my journey along by asking me to walk with you at lunches and promising that you would go at my pace.  I’m glad you were persistent and kept inviting me even when I kept coming up with excuses why I couldn’t.  I am forever grateful that I finally said yes and started walking and that you were still ready to go.  You were true to your word and stayed at my pace even though you are capable of going so much faster and it has meant the world to me.  It has been a privilege to do this run with you and I can’t wait for the day when I can say let’s go at your pace.

Tina and I hanging out before the run

We did it!

This journey has proved to myself that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.  I am a changed woman for having taken on this challenge.  I have found strength, pride, confidence, love, support and so much more.  All it took was a small idea, some blood, sweat & tears and a whole lot of belief in myself.  If I can do this I know that I can do anything.  Heck if I can do this anyone can do anything.  Impossible things happen every day we might as well make them happen for us.

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Weight Loss

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

Today’s lesson is more of a mind shift than something concrete.  In the last 6 months as I have been training myself to learn how to run I began to realize that this journey I’m on that I have always thought of as a weight loss journey actually isn’t about weight loss.  As I have been working through this process what I have come to realize that well weight loss is great it is not the main thing that I count on anymore.  Watching a scale has never really been my thing but more and more I realize that what my journey needs to be and is becoming a journey to become healthy and to make the best choices for me and my overall health.  Weight loss plays a factor but there is so much more to it and honestly now it really just feels like the icing on the cake.

Over the last few years but most especially in the last 6 months I feel like my whole life has been changing for the better.  I am losing weight but I have gained so much more in my life than just seeing a number on a scale drop.  I feel like I’m learning how to figure out who I am and what I want in life.  I have discovered a whole list of new things that I love (including running) and discovered a lot of stuff that was getting in my way (especially a lot of emotional baggage).  When I take a snapshot of my life right now I see a whole new Jill standing in the picture.  She is more accepting, more conscious of what she is doing and she is happy.  She is driven and confident.  She is me and I am her.  I feel like I have finally found my groove. 

This maybe my shortest entry but it is still important.  I know that so many of us base our success on the number that comes up on the scale but trust me when I say that there is so many better ways to define success.  Look to other things like how you feel or doing something you have never done before or just making smarter choices as ways to find success.  Healthy is the goal we should all strive for and for me part of healthy does include weight loss but I know and trust that if I work towards healthy then the weight loss will follow as well.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals
• Celebrating
• My Changing Body
• Strength
• Mirrors

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Mirrors

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

Whether you love or hate them mirrors are everywhere in our world and as someone who is working to change how my image looks in the mirror I have come to learn a valuable lesson, they lie.  Well no that’s not quite true because they do reflect back what is standing in front of them but what we see is a different story.  I have come to realize at least for me when I look in a mirror my brain puts a filter on it which I have also learned I have to be careful with because it can play havoc on what I think about myself.

This lesson started to come about as people started to tell me things like how good I’m starting to look and that they can see I’m losing weight.  I always appreciate it when people take the time to tell me that but I was finding that I was having a hard time believing it.  When I look in the mirror I see the same Jill I always see.  It doesn’t matter that the scale has been showing I’ve been losing weight, I just don’t see it.  This is not a big deal most of the time but if I’m having a bad day and I look in a mirror there is nothing in the world I want more than to see a different reflection.  Logically I know that we see what we want to see which means on a good day I think hey I’m looking great and on a bad day all I see is how far I still have to go. 

I knew that I had to change this thinking so that I didn’t drive myself nuts. I knew that I couldn’t stop looking at my reflection because they are everywhere (including in front of the treadmills where I spend more mornings) but I knew that I had to change the power they had on me.  I came up with two solutions the first was just to remind myself every time I see my reflection that what I see is not necessarily the truth.  I accept it as an image but remind myself not to let it affect me emotionally.  This in practice is not as easy as it is to write but I’m working on it.

The second solution was to start taking monthly photos of myself.  A picture is still just another type of reflection but in having the same photos in the same clothes month after month I can then actually compare the images.  It was in starting to take these pictures that I could actually see what other people are seeing.  If I look at them one at a time I still don’t see the changes but in being able to compare them it becomes more and more obvious that I am moving in the right direction.

I also started to focus more on what my clothes and body were telling me.  As the last 6 months have gone by I have been feeling the changes that I couldn’t see.  Dresses that I bought last summer are fitting looser and hanging better.  The signs are all there that what other people are seeing is the truth so I focus on those things and let me tell you it has been a huge help.  Since making the decision to focus less on the reflections and more on other things I have had less bad days.  It goes back to what I was saying yesterday about making my brain work for me.

I guess what I really want to say with this entry is don’t let the reflections you see play a derailing factor in what you are doing.  Remember that our eyes are connected to our brain and our brains work as natural filters to fill in what it thinks we are seeing.  This can be both good and bad but it shouldn’t control your emotions.  It’s not an easy thing to do but I’m learning to love myself for all that I am at this moment.  There is no point in being critical of an image we want to see but aren’t.  The image in the mirror is beautiful no matter what it is showing because we are all beautiful.  You can’t live for the reflection you used to see or for the reflection you want to see all you have is the reflection of now.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals
• Celebrating
• My Changing Body
• Strength

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Strength

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

Strength is one of those things that can apply in so many aspects of our lives and I think one thing that I have learned is that we don’t always realize how much strength we possess until it is really tested.  I have always known that physically I’m strong, you have to be to carry around the weight that I do but learning to run has really showed how much strength I have in more ways than just physical strength.  I wasn’t expecting this.  This entry is dedicated to not only the strength of my body, but also to the strength of my mind as well as the strength of my desire to run.  Each of these things has come to mean a great deal to me and had I not decided to try to run I don’t know when I would have realized just how much strength I possess.

As I mentioned I have always considered myself to be physically strong but as I talked about yesterday there was still things that I didn’t think I could do because I didn’t think my body would be able to.  Each day when I push myself a little bit further on the treadmill I can feel the strength in my body.  I feel the power of my legs pushing me further and it is pretty exciting.  Better than that since starting this process I have also started to feel actual muscle definition in my legs which is pretty cool.  Feeling the physical changes in my body has helped keep me going even though I don’t actually see the changes that are happening but I’ll write more on that tomorrow.

As great as it is to feel my physical strength grow I have to say that learning the strength that exists in my mind has been the best lesson.  In the past if something was hard or in the case of exercise made me feel tired or my legs shake I would stop but now I have been reminding myself that it is mind over matter.  Today actually I was reminded of this.  I was on the treadmill trying to get to 1.55miles (half of the 5K) as fast as I could and while I was running I began to feel my calf cramping up.  In the past I would have stopped the treadmill and got off thinking it was my body’s way of saying it was too much but today I just slowed to a walk and continued at a slower pass until the cramp passed.  The whole time I just kept repeating in my mind that I have this and that I have done this before so I can do it now.  Before long I was able to run again with the cramp having passed.  Our mind is such a powerful thing and if I can use that power to keep me moving I’m going to do everything I can to harness it.

I think one of the things that has shocked me the most on this journey, besides just how much my mind plays a role in keeping me going, is something that is also sort of related to the strength of my mind – it is the desire to run.  I mean I have always wanted to do it but now that I am actually running I find I want more.  I wasn’t really expecting to love it as much as I am.  I look forward to my run days and as nervous as next weekend is making me I’m anxious to run across that finish line.  The only other activity that has come close to feeling as good as running has to me is dancing but the difference is I don’t feel self-conscious at all when I run, I can’t say the same for dancing.  It is pretty amazing to have an activity that I can get excited over.

I think humans are inherently strong.  I think most of us don’t realize just how strong we really are but at least for me I am starting to learn to trust my strength and accept that it really is there to help me along.  I know now that no matter what this crazy world throws at me I will find a way to make it work.  I possess everything that I need to achieve anything my brain thinks is a good idea, we all do.  It is time to embrace our strength and make our dreams come true.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals
• Celebrating
• My Changing Body

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on My Changing Body

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

I have spent years doubting my own abilities when it comes to physical activity.  Growing up overweight meant that where other people seemed to enjoy gym class I dreaded it.  As much as I wanted to keep up with my friends the reality was I couldn’t and didn’t know how to really fix it.  That feeling of not being able to do something stuck with me and I began to really believe that there was just some things that I couldn’t do until I lost weight.  Running was definitely one of those things.  I think one of the coolest lessons I have learned on this journey is that in spite of doubting myself my body has been more than ready to accept all the new challenges I have thrown at it including running.  

The very first morning I tried running (June 30^th for those who are curious) will forever be in my brain.  Some of it is of course because I have it written down and recorded it but some of it is because of how powerful that day was for me.  I was nervous and excited walking in to the gym because I woke up knowing that it was the day I was going to try and run.  I had no clue what to expect and if I would actually be able to do it but I knew it was now or never.  As my warm up neared its end I felt my heart rate increase and it wasn’t just because of the exercise.  I set my mind, focused on the mirror in front of me and turned up the speed on the treadmill forcing me to start to jog.  Let me tell you those first 30 seconds felt like the longest in my life.  When I finished I felt like my lungs were going to explode from my chest but in spite of that I also almost instantly felt a big rush.  It was like everything became clear.  I knew in that moment that not only was my body able to run but it was made to run.  I could just feel it and let me tell you it felt amazing.  That first run I think I did 5 or 6 intervals and when I stopped I was exhausted but it didn’t matter because I had just proven that I could do anything.  I left the gym walking taller than when I came in and with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

That lesson (that I could do this) and that moment is one that will stick with me forever but it has been more than just that first run day that has proven this.  I continue to prove it to myself each and every time I do something that I couldn’t the day before.  In the last two month I have pushed myself harder and done more than I thought possible.  I have slowly increased my run time from 30 secs to 90 seconds.  It is not the easiest thing I have ever done but it hasn’t killed me yet.  As hard as it is my body has not slowed down and in fact when the workouts get too easy it begins to crave the increase.  In fact other than the day after my first run I have not experienced any pain or stiffness which has blown me away.  It was not what I expected on this journey.  Each day when I go into the gym I feel like I can go a little further or a little faster even if it is only just small changes.

I once half-jokingly said to a friend on Facebook that I was born to be a runner but someone just forgot to tell my body sooner.  After I wrote it I realized that it is kind of true.  Running feels natural and amazing to me.  I want to do more and be able to go further.  I have finally told myself that running is something that I want in my life and that I’m ready to continue to move towards it as a goal.  I know that even when the Terry Fox run is over I will continue to push myself to improve and continue on this journey to be able to run.  My hope…no my goal is that by next year when I do this run again I will be able to run the whole thing.  Nothing is going to stop me now.  My body is only getting faster and before long I will be running everywhere.  There is nothing in my way that I won’t beat and that has been an incredible lesson that everyone should get to experience.  


To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals
• Celebrating

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Celebrating/Acknowledging All Achievements

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

This entry is proving one of the harder ones for me to write but one that I think is incredibly important.  Over the years I have found it a struggle to really celebrate the things I accomplish.  As a perfectionist I tend to see what I did wrong rather than what I have done right.  I can look at most things at find something that I could have done better or should have done differently and fixate on it.  This has never really served me that well so I figured while I’m changing everything else I should see if I can’t try and change this way of thinking as well.  So with my list of goals in place I decided that I would find a way to mark or celebrate every accomplishment that I cross off the list as I make my way to the 5K.  Sometimes it is just a quick Facebook status and sometimes I treat myself to a present (usually in the form of a new book).  It doesn’t seem to matter how I recognize the work I’m doing as long as I do take some time to recognize it.

In the past 6 months I have really noticed how much happier and more fulfilled I feel about what I am doing.  Some of it is coming from the focus that has come from having specific goals to work towards but I think a greater part of it is coming from the fact that I’m finally recognizing the best parts of me.  In celebrating my milestones I have not only found pride in my own accomplishments but I’m have also found a way to affect others.  People keep telling me that I inspire them and make them want to change.  I have even had a few friends who have told me they are now doing things differently because of what I have been doing.  This means the world to me because what I want most in this life is to know that I am making a difference in the world for the better.  If I wasn’t taking the time to share my accomplishments none of this would have been happening.

The idea of celebrating and acknowledging goals has become incredibly powerful.  As I mentioned above my version of celebrating varies but one mainstay for me is a quick post on my Facebook.  It feels a little like bragging sometimes but I think I deserve to brag a little (as does everyone).  We really do need to shout it from the rooftops when we do something that we have worked hard for.  It took me a little bit of time to accept that it was okay for me to be excited about my accomplishments but what I didn’t realize at first was just how special those Facebook statuses were going to become.  Sharing all my accomplishments opened me up to a world of support that I don’t think I necessarily really realized existed.  It is also helping me make sure that I really remember just what I have done.  It only takes a few minutes of my time but the benefits have been huge.

A few of the benefits that I have noticed include feeling happier and fulfilled as I mentioned above but it has also led to me feeling more excited about this journey, more driven and like I’m actually getting somewhere.  I don’t think anything has ever made me feel better than I have the last few months and I think at least in part some of it is owed to actually taking the time to recognize my accomplishments. It has been a huge change in my mindset.  I highly recommend giving it a try.

I hope that you anyone reading this has enjoyed it so far.  Tomorrow I will be shifting gears a little bit and starting to talk about the lessons I have learned about my body and just how amazing it is to watch the changes that have been coming my way as I continue to work towards my 5K.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals
• Tracking Goals

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Tracking Goals and Progress

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

When I think of the things that I have learned that have made the biggest change in my life it has been the idea of tracking.  I have kept a journal in some form or another since sometimes in elementary school…grade 3 I think, so the idea of recording at least thoughts was not strange to me.  As I have moved my way through Weight Watchers I had to use tracking as a way to be accountable for what I was eating.  So when I started working out this time around I decided that I wanted to keep track of what I was doing and how I was feeling about it.  It has proved to be the most rewarding tool that I have found so far on my journey.

The first thing I did was found a notebook that I loved because I knew it was going to be something that I would have to keep handy.  The practical side of my brain found something that was small and hard covered so that I could take it to the gym without worrying it would get wrecked or in the way.  The girly side of me made sure it was purple and flowery.  Then I figured out what I should track.  I settled on recording the date, activity, time, calories burned, heart rate at 15mins, distance travelled and then of course a spot to record any comments on the activity especially any aches or pains.  I made sure that after each work out I recorded as many of the details as I could.  (As a side note I have evolved this tracking to record it on my phone and just transfer it to the book so that I can actually do the recording as I wind down my workouts and make sure I capture all the important feedback that comes off the machines at the gym especially.)  At first this just seemed like an extra task but after about a month or so I realized the power that came from this task.

I woke up one day in a bad mood.  I was tired and cranky.  It took all my will power to get me out the door and onto the treadmill at work.  On the treadmill I did a workout that I had been doing for the past week but couldn’t find the joy or ease in it.  The whole workout was a struggle.  My legs were moving but for the first time I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere.  It was a day where I realized just how long my journey to healthy is going to be and it felt incredibly daunting.  At lunch time I sat down at my desk and pulled out my book and began to flip through the earliest entries. My very first entry I recorded I did 30mins on the treadmill on 2.0miles/hour with a 0% incline.  I wrote about my back being sore and feeling tired.  The day that I was struggling I did 35mins on 2.2 miles/hour with a 2% incline.  I wrote about being in a bad mood but there is not a single mention of any aches or pains (which I always record if there are any).  Looking back to the first entry made me remember back even further to when I got my fitbit, which really was the first step in tracking.  I remembered barely being able to walk on the spot through the commercial breaks without feeling like it was the biggest chore in the world.  Suddenly my bad day felt better.  Sure it wasn`t my best workout but at least I wasn`t back where it was a struggle to get through a few minutes.  I was able to see that I actually was making progress.

This little journal has come in handy over and over on bad days as a way to remind myself that I am moving forward even if I feel like I’m standing still.  I think sometimes it is easy to forget where we started or how hard it was when we took the first steps.  It becomes easy to take for granted that where we are now is where we have always been.  I think it is because when you are working towards a goal you push yourself.  You don`t really let yourself get comfortable.  While I have been learning to run if my workout gets easy I make it harder so that most of the time I feel like I’m struggling.  This sounds worse than it is because we need to struggle to get better but constantly being there does make it seem like it will never get any better.  I quickly realized that I needed to change that mindset and that I had to find a way to negate some of the negative feelings that were coming my way because I am always having to fight my way forward.  Looking back on everything has become my solution.  Reflecting through my workout journal allow me to see that I have actually moved from where I started.  It reminds me not only how hard the journey can be but it also shows me that what was once hard gets easier if you just hang in there.  That truly is one of the most powerful lessons that I constantly try to remind myself of.  It is the idea that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that one day I will reach this goal just like all the small goals I have already crossed off my list.


To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals
• Picking Goals

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on Picking Goals

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

As I talked about in my last entry I am not a natural goal setter and I think one of the reasons that I never took to goal setting was because I never actually knew how to set goals that were realistic and achievable.  In today’s entry of Finding My Running Legs I’m going to talk about the process I have been using to make my goals.  I don’t know if it would work for everyone but in picking and setting my goals I have found that it has been incredibly helpful for me.  My ideas on goal setting are not new or probably all that innovative they are simply what I have found leaves me feeling the most positive about what I am doing.

The first principle I applied was the idea of picking a goal and setting a time frame on it.  I am one of those people with lots of big ideas but I don’t usually apply them to anything.  This time I took that idea and changed it into my goal – to run a 5K – but at first I still didn’t have a timeframe on it.  Running a 5K is something that I have always wanted to do but obviously without a timeframe I hadn’t managed to do it yet, even though I have talked about it off and on for the last few years.  So I went searching for 5Ks that I could run.  I settled on the Terry Fox Run for a couple reasons, one of which was that it was far enough in the future I figured I had lots of time to get ready.  This gave me something that I could happily call a goal because it had not only the idea of what I wanted to do but it had a date in which I would need to do it by.

This led me to my first true lesson about goals and that is while having a big goal is great it at least for me was not motivating in a tangible way.  After I wasted away the first month doing nothing to get ready for the run I quickly realized I needed something more that would actually get me doing something towards my big goal of the 5K.  So it only made sense to set some more goals.  So I basically made a to-do list of all the things I needed/wanted to do to get me from the couch to running.  I didn’t necessarily think of these things as goals at first but that is what they became.  I sat down and brainstormed all the things that would get me where I wanted.  I included the smallest of details including things like join a gym, go to the gym, and actually try running.  There were even a few that seemed a bit silly but they still go on the list things like buy a good pair of runners and figure out how to track my intervals.  Once I had my list of things than I gave myself deadlines because as a procrastinator it is easy to keep putting things off but with deadlines I was more aware of them.

The second lesson that I learned in setting these smaller goals or tasks was that this list had to be a little more flexible then my big goal, although even with my big goal I have tweaked it since I first set it.  As a perfectionist this was a struggle because once I put my mind onto something I really want to make sure I get it and do it 100%.  I keep reminding myself though that the reality is that I have never done anything like this before and so I didn’t really know what all the little tasks should be.  I learned that I needed to be able to not only add new tasks to the list but also change some of the deadlines I had already set for myself as I learned what I was capable of.  I quickly realized for example that my ability to move through the interval training was going to be slower than I had hoped.  In my head one week would be enough to transition my running up to the next level but the reality was my body was not that quick to be able to adjust and do it. This realization also ended up causing me to re-evaluate and modify my first goal of running a 5K to just being able to complete the 5k as quickly as I can while doing as much of it running as I can. 

So with a little trial and error I was able to come up with a list of things in my head that I knew would help get me where I wanted to go…crossing that finish line on the 14^th.  The best part is setting small goals is that working on them seems so much easier and less daunting than thinking about running a 5K.  I know this topic is probably not the most exciting but I hope that it helps.  I can honestly say that while having a big goal is important there is nothing wrong with breaking down into little mini goals that will help build towards that big goal but also remember to cut yourself some slack and allow for at least a little flexibility in those goals (as long as you are still actively working towards them…hehehe).

Tomorrow I will be writing about one of the things that I think is making the biggest difference not only on this goal to run a 5K but also in my ongoing journey to lose weight and become healthier…it is the idea of tracking. 

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.

Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction
• Importance of Goals

Finding My Running Legs: Lessons Learned on the Importance of Goals

*Series in progress*  This entry is part of a series I’m writing leading up to my running (walking…but hopefully mostly running) my first 5K.  For more information on this series check out the introduction here or just continue on reading this entry.  I have also included links at the end to the other entries and to both the Terry Fox Foundation and my run fundraising page.

I don’t generally consider myself goal orientated.  I can already hear my friends telling me that I’m crazy and that I totally am but let me explain.  I have found generally in my life that I don’t really have to work to get the things I want.  I consider myself to be fairly lucky and things tend to just happen.  This is not by any means a bad thing but I do think it has made my lazy when it comes to really pushing myself for something that I really want.  In the past I have found that if it doesn’t come easily I’m more likely to shift my focus to something else than I am to really push towards whatever it is that isn’t coming easy.  This is not something that I am actively working on changing and after my work on getting prepared for the 5K I have to say I think I’m finally seeing the benefit to goals and actually working towards them once you set them.

Signing up for the Terry Fox Run and planning on trying to run it is one of the first real goals that I can remember setting for myself that I have actively worked towards achieving.  What has truly surprised me (it’s totally one of those duh moments) is that it is actually amazing and incredibly motivating to have a goal that you are working towards.  I thought that it would be a drag to have an extra responsibility to work on, something to steal my time away from things I enjoy more but I have to say I have proven myself wrong.  I love that I have something that is driving me to make changes that I have wanted to make for years but have never been dedicated enough to make.

One of the biggest positive things that has come out of having a specific goal is the motivation that has come with it.  When my alarm goes off at 4:30am each weekday morning and usually by 7 on weekends if it wasn’t for the pending 5K I would probably likely turn it off, roll over and go back to sleep.  Knowing however that I want to do this 5K and that I want to do my best at it has proven to usually be enough to get me out of bed.  Often I’m tired and cranky as I head to the gym but as soon as I get on the treadmill and start moving this feeling washes over me, a sense of purpose.  Along with this feeling of purpose I also am getting a sense of pride that comes with the fact I know that every step I do on the treadmill will make my 5K so much easier.  I feel like I’m working towards something (because I am) and I actually know what that something is because I have set the goal.

Having an end goal in mind and defined has also helped me to make better choices along the way.  Every day I bring a lunch to work full of healthy foods.  I almost always love my lunches but there is also a restaurant at work that makes really great food and yummy treats.  Before deciding to do the 5K it was a toss-up as to what would win for my afternoon snack - either my veggies or a sweet treat from Olly’s.  Now although I still treat myself some of the time I find now that before I grab my wallet I remind myself again how feeding my body better will help make that 5k a whole lot easier.  So now I’m am more likely to enjoy the treats I brought for myself rather than buy anything.  (The side benefit of this is it is also helping with my budget ;-)

I am determined to make this goal a reality and the drive that comes with that is thrilling.  It has given me purpose and motivation to help guide me.  I am converted wholeheartedly to the idea of goal setting now and have begun to apply the things I have learned setting goals around my run to other things in my life.  When you are willing to actually work towards a goal that you have set for yourself and are willing to put in a little effort it is amazing what can actually be achieved.  I guess the only question is how on earth to pick what goal you want to reach for….but more on that tomorrow.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.


Finding My Running Legs Previous Entries

• Introduction

Finding My Running Legs – Introduction

Planning to run my first 5K has been an incredibly eye opening experience for me.  It has taken up way more of my time then I expected which is one of the reasons my poor blog has gone ignored all summer.  I have found it to be challenging but in the best ways.  I am incredibly proud of myself for tackling this goal.  Nothing has ever made me feel better about myself.  My journey to try and become a runner is still far from being over but with the Terry Fox Run only two weeks away I figured it was a good time to focus a little on the things I have learned so far.

It has been a long time since I have been this excited about something, which is great but has caused me a few problems especially when it comes to being able to share it with people.  I mean I can talk for hours about it but all that excitement has made it a little tricky for me to actually be able to get blog posts written that are coherent and I’m happy with.  A lot of it is coming down to the fact that I have a lot to say, which is not unusual for me but doesn’t create the most organized of post for my blog.  My solution is to just write a bunch of small focused posts that I will post each day between now and the run.  So for the next 14 days I will share a new lesson that I have learned on this path to find my running legs.

With far too much doodling on scrap paper I have found a way to break up all the things I want to share into four categories to try and give it some semblance for order.  These four categories are goals, my body, my mind/spirit and the outcomes.  I suspect even as I write this intro and do some of the planning for the blog entries themselves that they will also probably overlap at least in some of the cases.  It is my hope that some of it may appeal or help others but mostly I just want to write it all down so I remember it and can get it out of my brain.  I also hope that maybe having something to focus on besides the run will help keep some of my nerves at bay as we get closer to the run.

I hope that all who read this series of posts can find something that inspires and teaches as much as running has taught me.  We should all be so lucky to have something to bring so much positivity and joy into our lives.

To donate and check out my progress please visit my page here.

For more information on the Terry Fox Foundation and the run check out their page here.