The Search Begins

Well it has taken me a long time to make the decision but I have finally decided it is time to move on from my current job. I have spent a great deal of time thinking about it and trying to convince myself that it is not that bad and that I should stick it out. Finally this week I just woke up and realized it is time to move on. I have come to realize that although there are a lot of really good things with my job and benefits that I definitely appreciate, the overall job is toxic to me. I have never dealt well with drama and my job is full of it. Every day I go to work and it is like I'm being thrown back into high school. The whole floor spins with gossip and negativity and the sense of teamwork that once existed has long since disappeared. I'm sure things could change and come around but in the four years I've been there the good times are very much over powered by the bad. For every month of great atmosphere it seems to follow with four months of chaos and negativity.

It is weird for me because when I left Walmart it was a much more clear decision. I knew it was what I had to do and I knew that I was moving on to something better. I don't have that same sense right now with leaving screening programs. In my heart though I do know that although I may lose some of the benefits like my wage and my vacation time that I value, I have such potential to find something that will satisfy me on a mental level. I'm ready for a job that not only helps people but that will help me get closer to my goal of helping other people that are struggling with weight loss. I'm ready to leave behind paranoia and politics and find something that lets me make a difference one on one with people. A job where I don't have to pretend to be somebody and can actually let myself shine.

I do think that although I have made the decision I have enough will power in me to stick it out until the right job comes along to move in to. I do not want to just hop to another job for the sake of getting out but I want to move to a job that will help me move further in my life and goals. I know that in being so open about leaving it may cause me some issues but the people that matter have been told and are really supportive of helping me along the way.

The challenge now is being able to stay positive and on track with my weight loss in spite of the increased stress. Last week the stress finally snuck in on my weight loss or lack of. I put on 7 pounds (which really was a combination of a few things but a whole lot had to do with stress eating). I worked hard this week and lost 4.2 pounds of that 7 but it is still a set back. I have started working out as soon as I get home from work to try and help alleviate some of the negativity I bring home. It does seem to make a difference when it comes to my dinner. I just keep reminding myself that every day I have the ability to make the right choices and move further with my weight loss or I have the ability to let drama and stress help me sabotage myself. So I'm back to focusing on one day at a time and trying to be as positive as possible. The good news is I do feel better knowing that I'm actively looking to change my job and looking to better my life. I feel as though there is now a light at the end of the tunnel.

I think one of the biggest things I have learned so far in my weight loss journey is the ability to actually sit down and recognize what is going on. I can pinpoint my stress and other emotions, the things that I never used to deal with but would cause me to eat. Sure I still have moments where I chose eating over dealing but at least now I can say that I deal more than I eat when it comes to my emotions now. I share this struggle with all of you in hopes you will also discover ways to deal with the things that effect you. Be open to possibilities and know that there are always choices to be made. Those choices are all your own and you will always see the results of the choices whether they are positive or negative. We have the power to make our lives what we want them to be.