Try Try Try

I’m currently vibrating with energy.  It happens whenever I accomplish something that I didn’t think was possible.   My trainer has been slowly introducing me to different exercises on a ball.  This has been a challenge in general because I had to get over my fear that the ball wouldn’t actually hold my weight even when the specs said that it would.  Now that I trust that the ball will my lovely trainer has been pushing the boundaries a little bit more.

harder than it looks especially if you are laughing

I love that I can goof around with my trainer.  She has been a great match

Another YMCA staff who has become a friend :-)

This exercise was both mentally and physically challenging.  She had me roll down from sitting into the bridge and then roll back up to sit again.  I was pretty sure there was no way it was going to happen.  I was giggling out of sheer nervousness.  I had to put a lot of trust in my trainer because she told me that I could do it.  Although my brain was screaming there was no way I tried it anyway.  The first one was horrible.  I rolled down laughing and shaking but when it came to trying to roll back up fear kicked in as my head and shoulders left the ball and were floating in air.  I was pretty sure I was going to fall backwards and crack my skull open.  But very ungracefully and with the help of my trainer I got back up and tried again.  The second time it was much easier because my body knew that my legs would hold me when I was in the bridge.  I still struggled a bit to roll back up into sitting but did it the second time.  Then the third and fourth were almost easy because I knew I could do it and because I wanted photos.  It’s not every day you can document a truly important moment.  I experience a lot of them at the gym but usually don’t get pictures of it.

There is no proof more powerful of the progress I’m making than when I can do something that my brain says I can’t.  When I first decided to live my year with no fear in 2014 this was what I was looking for.  I was looking for those moments where I was worried, scared, nervous or just plain convinced I couldn’t do something so that I could push through them.  Logically I knew that this was the best way to grow and learn but it wasn’t then and still isn’t an easy mantra to live by but it is one that gets me the best results.  Pushing through the things that scare me has helped me to grow my confidence in more ways than I probably even realize.  It has helped me to learn more and more about my body and what it is capable of.  It has helped to change my world.

When I remember tonight later on what I want to remember is the following:

1. Sometimes you just have to trust the people you have hired to help you

2. Your mind is a powerful tool and it needs to be on your side

3. Laughter makes everything better…well it does make holding the bridge harder but if I wasn’t laughing I probably never would have done it :-)

4. I am able to do anything if I can just learn to trust myself and be okay if I can’t do it perfect.

5. Most important always just try because you might just surprise yourself.

I’m so proud every day of the work I have been doing.  I love how my body is changing.  I also love how my mind is changing.  I feel like I’m truly growing into the woman I was meant to be.

 

Right before joining the gym and now.  Not a perfect comparison but it is pretty apparent my body is changing

Finding Balance by Reflection and Organization

Sometimes you just need to stop the world and spend some time reflecting on where things are and what’s going on.  Since getting back from my cruise a month and a bit ago I feel like my world has been moving at hyper speed.  I have been busy doing a lot of things (most of which fun) and I love it but after a long writing session in my journal Tuesday night I also realized that it is causing me to lose sight on the things that matter most to me, especially my journey to get healthy.  This evening after a busy day off hitting the gym, a Remembrance Day service and catching a movie, I sat down on the couch to really think about what I need and want out of life.  It led me to a few conclusions which I wanted to share.

The first thing I realized is how important having time for just myself to do the things that recharge my soul the most – reading and writing.  I don’t remember the last time I actually made time to pick up one of my books and as for writing other than a blog that I wrote but trashed because I didn’t like it I have barely picked up a pen or let my fingers move on a keyboard.  As much as I love being out and about with friends and doing different activities the reality is I very much am an introvert.  The quickest way to leave me feeling overwhelmed and out of control is when I get myself so busy that I don’t have time to myself.  I have been busy doing something every weekend since I got back from my cruise so there hasn’t been any time for just me to sit and decompress.  I always struggle when I start feeling like I’m just going all the time.

The second thing I realized is that when my world gets crazy I still have a tendency to want to turn to food.  Pair that with the fact I had left over Halloween candy I feel like I have been eating nothing but crap for the last two weeks.  Because of my weekend schedule I missed last week’s weigh in and will be missing this week’s weigh in but the scale at the gym tells me that my random snacking has added up.  Not to a huge gain but enough of one that I am a little mad at myself.  It was actually probably seeing that number that made me really stop and look at what is going on so that I can put the brakes on now before I lose any more ground.  I guess the good news in this is the fact that I recognized the need to stop and fix it before it got really bad.  I need to find a better way to control my world than to let myself self-destruct it with junk food.

The third thing I realized is I really am very much goal orientated.  Without a goal and a plan I flounder.  I haven’t been doing my meal plans which means along with the Halloween candy I also haven’t been as good with my other food choices.  I have been opting to eat out more than I should and even though the choices I make when I eat out are better than the old days the fact is it is costing me more money than it should.  I also have been feeling the lack of a goal at the gym.  I have been struggling to get my workouts in and struggling to even be able to push myself when I am at the gym (well unless I’m with my trainer because she has been kicking my ass).   When I have a goal and a plan it lets me know what I should be doing and it seems to keep me much more accountable to myself to make sure I follow it.  It gives me a reason to try and run a little longer or faster.

The last thing I realized is that I waste a lot of time on things that don’t matter – mostly on my phone playing silly games.  It is no wonder I don’t have time for anything else when I look at just how much time I have been spending on my phone playing games.  It’s easy and mindless and I have been using it as a way to just zone out at the end of the day.  It has been a way to slow my world down but it is not a way that I actually want to do it.

Of course all these realizations wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t try to find a way to fix them.  It was time to sit down and come up with a plan so that I can live a life that is more balanced and healthy.  So that’s what I did tonight.  In true Jill fashion I created a spreadsheet to help me focus and bring order to my world.  It sometimes seems a little silly that I have to create things like this to get what I want out of my life but I guess if it works it shouldn’t matter how geeky it is.  Heheheh.  Here is a copy of the spreadsheet I created. 

	Food Plan	Exercise Plan	Chores	Fun
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday

I filled this little spreadsheet with the things I need, want and have to do.  I guess for me drawing it out lets me have something I can physically see and refer to which helps keep me on track.  It also helps remind me that it is possible to do everything I just can’t do it all at once.  My hope is that before long I won’t need to schedule my world but in the meantime I hope that it will help me find the balance that I feel like I’m missing.  I should also add that in part of my scheduling plans I have decided that when I get home from work my phone will get put out of reach so that I spend my time in more useful pursuits.

Along with creating a schedule I also came up with some new fitness goals to help keep me focused and working at the gym.  It puts a timeline on to a few of the things I have been talking about doing so that I can see where I’m going for the next four years and just why I’m doing all the work that I’m doing when I hit the gym.  Here they are:

•  2016 – 5K Canmore run, 10K Terry Fox, 2 other 5Ks (not yet decided on) and a Spartan race
• 2017 – 5K Canmore run, 10K Terry Fox, 2 other 10ks (not yet decided on)
• 2018 – Calgary Half Marathon
•  2019 – for my 40^th birthday I want to run hopefully a full marathon at one of the Disney parks.  The cool part of this is that I have never gone to any of the Disney parks because I knew that likely I wouldn’t fit on the rides and it would be a waste of time so not only will I hopefully do my first marathon but  would also get to spend a week riding every ride I possibly can.

So as crazy as it may seem I think I may have found myself some direction out of the crazy that has been my last month.  Sometimes I think you just have to take a little time to really think about and remind yourself what you want, what you are willing to walk away from and just where you want to go.  I don’t know if this is the answer to find more balance but I do know that tonight I feel a lot calmer and more focused than I have for the last month.