I figure I’m overdue to do a series of entries again. I had a lot of fun doing the series that I
did last year leading up to my Terry Fox run because it gave me something to
consistently write about. I loved having
that focus so I figured why not try it again.
I guess it helps that I have something to write about that as hard as I
try I can’t sum up into one entry and something that is at least in my opinion
worth exploring in multiple entries.
As I get close to hitting an important milestone (50 pounds lost) I
find myself starting to question my journey.
It comes from a little bit of doubt that is creeping into my world. It also comes from spending far too much time
reflecting on things I’m sure. The
question that I want to spend the next little while looking at is why this time
trying to lose weight is different? The
reality is I have tried and failed many times before when it comes to losing
weight but I feel like there is something different going on this time. I think finding the answer to the question as
to why it feels different will not only help cement that this time is going to
be the time I find success but it will also let me share more of my story and
my heart with anyone who wants to read it.
I don’t think it matters what the goal is or what the journey is there
are aspects that are true to any of them.
I know for me the start of a journey or a new goal is always the
best. I am filled with excitement of doing
something new. I have faith that I can
accomplish it even if I might not always realize what it will take to
accomplish. Everything is new and fun. It is the fresh start you feel on New Years’
Day when the whole year lies in front of you ready to unfold. In this first phase it is easy to rely on
will power to get you through the hard stuff because you aren’t tired yet. I have been in this first phase many times
when it comes to losing weight. Each
time I start on a weight loss journey I am sure that it is the last time I will
start the journey. I’m full of
determination, drive and hope. I’m
always excited for the changes to happen.
I also always commit a hundred percent.
I can’t imagine anything that will get in the way of reaching the end
result.
The first phase has lasted me anywhere from a few weeks to a few
months. Inevitably though the beginning
excitement and drive begins to fade and the reality of what is in store for me
sinks in. I start to acknowledge how
long my journey will be to get where I want to go. Frustrations start to creep in usually
because the numbers on the scale aren’t moving the way I want. I also start to feel like I’m missing out on
things in the rest of my life, especially things like spending time with
friends. The struggle and hard work
required to achieve any goal really begins at this point. The ability to will
yourself through the challenges becomes harder and harder. This is also the point when the doubts become
the loudest and in the past this is often when I have quit whether it comes
from outright giving up or a slower process of quitting where I just stop
trying and sort of drift back into old habits.
I have been in this middle phase for a while now. I have experienced a lot of the frustrations
and struggles that have often led me to quit in the past but I haven’t yet and
I don’t actually see myself quitting this time around. I don’t know that I have all the answers and
I can’t see the future to know if I’m right when I say this time I’m on the
right path and I will once and for all find my success. I do know that even being stuck smack dab in
the middle of this journey, as hard as it can be at times the desire to continue
to move forward far outweighs the desire to quit. I take that as a very good sign. I also know that although my previous
attempts haven’t been successful they have taught me a great deal. They have helped me to learn the knowledge
and the skills I need to help me find my success. It is this knowledge and the skills that I
have found in the last little while that I will be exploring. They include things like my rock bottom
moment, tools that keep me motivated and the importance of changing my thinking
and attitude to name a few. These are the
things that are making this journey different.
I have to say that I feel incredibly blessed to have a space in this world
where I can share and explore the things that I am learning. It helps me to feel like I’m leaving a small
mark on this world. It inspires me to
continue my hard work and to keep on sharing it all in hopes it will inspire
others. That though makes me remember the
very first day I met my trainer when she asked me if I was ready to be an
inspiration to people. I giggled and
said sure but at that moment I was terrified she was right. Since then I have heard from people at the
gym as well as people who have read my blog or my Facebook posts that I am
inspiring them. I am learning to embrace
this which is part of why now I feel like I can write this particular series of
blog entries. Each part of why this
journey is different that I’m about to share I have tried to write at one point
or another but have struggled with because it is some of the hardest things I
have learned and some of the things that are at the very soul of the journey I’m
on. It terrifies me to share them but at
the same time I hope that maybe someone will find something in my story that
will help them find their own story and their own success. If nothing else it gives me a spot that I can
turn to when I am doubting what I’m doing and remind myself of all the reasons
why I shouldn’t doubt that this time I will get everything I am working so hard
for.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love, support and
encouragement that is shared my way. It
means more than I can express in words (although I will try to soon.). Please look for my next entry next Sunday.
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