Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo 2013

It is official I survived my second Calgary Expo and although I wondered if they could manage to do better than my first year I have to admit that this year blew it out of the water.  I will warn you know this blog entry is about to be filled with gushing and hormones but I want to not only share my memories but write them all down before I forget any of them.  In the span of three days I managed to do 8 photo ops, 8 autographs, 6 panels, a parade and experienced so much fun and excitement that I’m sure I have already lost some of it in the shuffle. 

 

The first thing I want to do is send a HUGE thank you to all the staff and volunteers that helped out and worked the Expo.  You guys are amazing and always do such a wonderful job.  I know your job is probably often time thankless and you probably see more than you fair share of cranky people but you are wonderful.  I know for me personally I had some very great interactions with some of you from random high fives while I waited for my Steven Yeun autograph, or the countless of you that I asked for directions, and of course the ones that I just got to chat with a little bit, you all helped to create a great experience for me and to keep me smiling.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Expo this year was a whole new experience.  Compared to last year there were a lot of really great changes made.  Everything from adding more room by adding the Big Four building into the mix to having better labelled lines, it all seemed to make things run more smoothly.  (I have a small confession to make at this point and that is that I did have a VIP pass this year so my comparisons are a little skewed but since most people are saying the same thing I figure it must be true for most.)  I felt the energy of the place was a lot more positive this year, which also might have just been that my energy was more positive not having to spend as much time standing in lines.  heheh.  In all honesty though I really do think people were having a great time and there was a lot of love, excitement and enthusiasm filling the air.  For me the having more space as well as being able to easily and freely walk outside if need be helped the whole place feel less busy, less intimidating and less crowded.  It helped to keep my stress level down to a minimum.

 

As I mentioned above I did have VIP tickets this year and I have to gush (ok maybe brag might be a better word) at least a little about the experience.  As crazy as my schedule was this year I was able to do twice as much as I did last year.  Sure I still had to pick and choose and couldn’t do everything I wanted but I certainly got to do a whole lot of what I wanted.  As a scrapbooker I couldn’t help but be excited about the opportunity to get more photos and more autographs because that is what people ooh and aww over when they look at my books.  It is also what I get most excited about but mostly because looking at the photos or the autographs brings me back to those few seconds I got to be standing up close and personal with some of my most favourite crushes.  I knew right from Friday that I wanted to be able to do VIP again next year but it was sealed today when my heart was breaking thinking I wouldn’t be able to get into the very full Nathan Fillion panel but after a quick trip up to the VIP room we had someone lead us in through the back to make sure we were able to get to seats that were reserved for us.  I have never felt more grateful for something in the moment as I did then.  Part of that is also do in large part to the wonderful volunteers that were there to help us.  A huge thank you specifically to the VIP helpers.  It was great to know we always had someone to talk to if we needed help.

 

Now I warned you I would probably do some gushing well for those of you who don’t want to read it I suggest stop here because I’m about to start gushing.  The Expo was full of amazing good looking men (and women although I probably don’t give them nearly as much of my attention as I should) and I had some great experiences that I have to share.  If you are stopping here you should walking away knowing Calgary Expo is AWESOME!  The volunteers are AMAZING!  Everyone should go in 2014.

 

At first when I thought about what I wanted to write in this section I wanted to tell you everything but I have quickly realized that would make for a very very long blog entry.  I don’t think I’m nearly entertaining enough or witty enough after three long days to pull that off so I’m going to try and recount some of the most amazing moments.  I want to share those moments with you that moved me, excited me and had me squeeing inside.

 

One of the very first amazing moments was my autograph with Cary Elwes.  I have loved him for a very long time, in fact he was one of the three crushes I have had since I was young (the other two were Alan Alda from MASH and Dick Van Dyck from Mary Poppins if you are curious).  I LOVE Princess Bride.  It has always been one of my favourite movies and anytime I’m sick it is still the movie I love to curl up on the couch and watch.  I was excited and nervous to meet him and knew of all the autographs I planned I wanted to actually be able to say something to him (normally my shyness kicks in and I just blush).  As he finished signing my autograph I screwed up my courage and confessed that he was one of my first crushes.  He smiled and called me a sweetheart for saying that and I died a little inside.  It didn’t help that this was followed with a quick photo so he had his arm around me.  I was on top of the world as I left his table.

 

Another of my favourite moments is captured in a photo op.  I was standing in the middle of Richard Dean Anderson and Michael Shanks.  Of all the photos I did this one has the biggest smile.  I was so happy and excited in that moment.  It was only a few seconds but the smile in my photo says it all. 

 

Of course I can’t talk about photos without mentioning my chance to have my photo taken with Nathan Fillion.  It was quick because he had so many to do but he still smiled, asked my name, and shook my hand before wrapping his arm around my back and getting really close for the photo.  Let me tell you it was not a bad place to be standing right next to him like that.  I’m pretty sure my pulse jumped and temperature rose.  I wish the moment had lasted forever.  Oh and he also thanked me as I left.  That is something I love because so many of the famous people I have met don’t do that. The ones that do always stand out and that makes them all great.  Nathan Fillion is a class act.

 

I experienced a few completely random moments including some line dancing that broke out on the top floor of the Big Four but I will admit whenever I think of this Expo and the random stuff that happens when you are just hanging out one memory will pop into my head more than any I’m sure.  When John Barrowman came out Saturday morning for his autographs Casper Van Dien was with him.  When he went to leave the area he ducked down under one of the line barriers and when he stood up his backpack caught it and he knocked it down.  It was priceless to see him trying to fix it while making jokes at the same time.  It was hilarious and completely unexpected, which somehow I think is sort of standard for him judging by his many entrances into places. He has a loud personality and is certainly not afraid of having a good time.

 

There were also two moments that are special because they moved me.  In fact in both cases I had tears in my eyes.  The first of these two moments was in the Wil Wheaton panel.  A new mom asked Wil to record a message to her new baby, Violet about why it is awesome to be a nerd.  His response was powerful and moving.  It was full of acceptance and encouragement.  It was enough to make anyone want to declare that they are a geek or a nerd.  It gave me goosebumps. 

 

The other moment that moved me to tears was one I didn’t expect to affect me as much as it did and that was the moment when I had a chance to flip through the program guide and I saw my name with “contributing writer” printed in front of it.  I will admit some of the emotion may have come from the fact the first time I flipped through I didn’t see the article and I thought maybe it got left out after all.  When I looked a second time though I saw it right at the very front and as I re-read what I wrote I was filled with pride.  Even now thinking about it I’m getting emotional.  I have dreamed of seeing something I wrote published and there it was.  It wasn’t a long article and I’m still not sure it was a great article but it was pretty damned cool to see it.  Even better than that though was a little while later while sitting at a table I watched someone actually take the time to read it.  This moment was a dream come true and instantly I was happy that I was going to be able to share it with my Nan who is 94 and has always cheered me on because I wasn’t sure I would ever have anything published in her life.  On the flip side of that I also felt a loss at the fact I couldn’t share it with Will.  As wonderful as every other moment of the expo was I’m sure those memories will fade but this is one memory that will always be with me.  One day when hopefully I’m a much more published writer and someone asks me about the moment I was first published I will with pride and love be able to share this memory.  I can’t finish this part without throwing a thank you to Lindsay.  If you are reading this thank you for offering me the chance.  It means more to me than I know how to put into words.

 

I truly think this Expo was incredible and epic.  I’m so excited to start working on my scrapbook for it just so I can relive these moments and all the rest.  The last three days have been overwhelming.  Memories have been made and dreams have come true.  I am so glad to have had the opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful, caring, accepting and supportive group of people.  As judgemental as the world can be there is nowhere as accepting as a comic convention and I can’t imagine ever missing a year now that I have experienced the world.  I look forward to my third, fourth and twenty fifth conventions.

 

PS Stay tuned for my photo blog entry where I will share a handful of the photos from the weekend.

Tossing out the trash!

I have written and re-written this blog entry more times in the last two weeks than I have any other piece of writing I have created (well maybe with the exception of one piece that is actually being published.) This is an entry I want to share because I have come to realize that what is contained within it has had a huge impact on my life, in fact I would probably list it as one of the defining moments in my life, which is scary because it was also an incredibly negative moment. It is a moment that I don’t think I have even shared with anyone (although I may have at the time but if I did it would have been very much abridged). It is a moment in my life where I not only doubted myself but felt embarrassed about who I am. That is why I want to write about it though. I know that in writing about it I will be able to find a way to let it go like I have done so many other negative influences in my world. I also think more than that though I also want this entry to be a call to arms so to speak for people to start spreading positivity in this world. There is so much negative in this world and we need to push it out with the positive but the problem is that for every negative voice we need so many more positive ones to balance it out.

As I have written about before I have been heavy all my life. It has never really been something I worried about or even cared about. I have generally always just accepted that I am who I am and have been content with that. I lived in my own world which was probably more than a little deluded but it worked for me. All that being said growing up heavy did create its own set of challenges and struggles, especially in junior high and high school that at times damaged both my ego and self-esteem. It crept into my own world and showed me that I was different and it took a lot of work and effort, not to mention I’m sure a healthy dose of denial to keep myself from going down darker paths that I know others have taken. By the time I hit university though I was putting a lot of that behind me. I was entering a world where people seemed to be a whole lot more open and accepting. I left behind the childish world of cliques and found a world that had a spot for me in it. I discovered a whole world of courses that I loved on topics that fascinated me. Of course I was also able to find a whole new bunch of people that looked at the world in a similar way as me that I could fit in with. Things were looking up and the world had promise. I was ready to reach for the stars and get everything I had longed for while in high school.

I was excited and enjoying life but there were still moments where the reality of being big in a small world would sneak back up. Random comments from passing strangers were always the worst. They came out of the blue (and usually when you were having a great day) and bashed you down. They hurt at the moment, caused anger and tears but they never stuck with me. Sure they have added to my hesitation about being in large crowds of people but in general I never put a lot of stock in the random comments. The reason I share this now is because I think it was those off-handed comments that played on my mind that made this one event seem bigger and more important than it should have been. I could also write a blog entry on its own about the impact of those small off-handed comments but I just want it to stand for those moments when we don’t think before we speak. Words can cut just as deep as a knife, the bleeding is just invisible.

In my third year of university though I would experience something that made those small comments seem unimportant and that created a little negative voice that has plagued me for years. It is something that not only had a major impact on me at the time but it ultimately changed my life as it stands today. In theory my world would look a lot different had this one event not happened (I likely would have been a teacher but then again I believe things happen for a reason so who knows maybe I still wouldn’t have been a teacher anyway). At the University of Lethbridge before you can apply to the faculty of education there is a course you have to take. It gets you out in the classroom a couple days a week and works to prepare you for what is to come if you choose to pursue a teaching degree. Basically it gives you a small taste of what it is like to be a teacher to see if you really want to do it. I was excited by the prospect of being a teacher. I love kids and loved being around them and I thought it was also a great way to be able to make a difference in our world. I loved the course and was having a great time and thought that I was doing a good job until one day when the teacher pulled me aside. She proceeded to tell me that I should reconsider my career choice because I would not make a good role model for the kids. I was shocked by this because again I thought I was going a good job. I was then left dumbfounded though when she continued and said that it was because of my weight and that maybe if I found a doctor and took care of things that it could be better. I was blown away. I barely remember walking back to my dorms after that. I was angry and crushed all at the same time. I knew that without her recommendation I also wouldn’t be able to get into the faculty of education so I made the decision to drop the course. I walked away feeling lower than I had ever felt in my life. I buried the incident and ignored it but it created a lasting mark. It was the first time I was really told that ‘no you really can’t be anything you want’ and it stuck. As deep as I buried the incident and put it out of my mind the voice has been there, even if I didn’t always recognize it. Every time I get excited about pushing towards something I want I always pull back. I lost the belief that I had in myself in those few moments.

Looking back now I can admit that the teacher probably did have a point. In a world where childhood obesity is growing by leaps and bounds as a teacher I wouldn’t be the best role model at least not for health. I do think that I could role model other behaviors that are also equally important but she had a point in terms of my weight. She, like many others, were expressing an opinion and I can’t fault her for that. I’m sure she had the best of intentions in her heart about what she was saying (or at least I hope so) and only wanted to try and help point me in a different direction. Of course she really didn’t know me so it really wasn’t her place to say anything but that being said I also could have chosen to deal with the situation differently too. I could have made the choice to stick it out and prove her wrong or at the very least I could have said something to the university but at that moment in time I didn’t have the energy or belief in myself to be able to fight it out. The truth was that the whole incident not only crushed me emotionally but it also left me feeling embarrassed to admit that maybe there was some truth to the things she said.

I have long since come to terms with the fact that I didn’t become a teacher because as much as I love kids I can say now that I wouldn’t have had the patience to be a teacher as a career. The one thing that I do regret about the whole situation though is not fighting for what I wanted. I often wonder if I had fought back and pushed to become a teacher if maybe I would have more drive to do the things I really want now instead of shying away from them.

Now don’t get me wrong I do have success in my life. I tend to be able to get the things I want although more often than not I feel like I sort of fall into them rather than actually work to get them. It feels like a life of flukes rather than plans. I mean even if you look at my current job as a team lead that wasn’t something I sought out but something I fell into. Positions were created for a few of us that had been working there the longest. We were the ones that knew the applications and the programs so it made sense and also was a way to keep us there at a time when we were dealing with a lot of turn over. Another example of me fluking into something is the fact that as of next week I’ll actually have my name printed alongside something I wrote. Being a published author has always been one of my goals and although an article in the Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo program guide may not be an award winning novel it is still something I’m proud of (and counting down the days until next Friday when I get to see it). Again though I can’t lie as excited as I am for it I feel that once again I just sort of lucked my way into it because of an old friendship that happened to led to a new friendship that put me in view of the right person.

Here is the question though why on earth do I negate those good things with negativity. If I was to look at this as an outsider it would seem to me that I actually do have people that think I’m capable of doing the things I feel like I fluke into. I have people that give me credit and think I have talent but I don’t actually give myself the same credit. When I really actually think about it I have a lot of positive support in my life. I have had amazing teachers, some of the greatest friends and people that have stood in my corner for as long as I can remember. So why with all of that do I choose to listen to that voice that says it’s not possible? The only answer I have is the fact that negative voices are so much more powerful. They play to our deepest fears and create a great deal of doubt. Negative voices can become the excuse we don’t even realize we use to keep us from doing something amazing.

I can only speak for myself but until two weeks ago I didn’t even realize that I was still carrying this voice inside me. I have worked very hard to let go of negativity. I have worked hard to focus on my strengths and find the things that not only am I good at but that actually allow me to feel wonderful about what I can accomplish. Now that I recognize that voice inside me though I will work to combat it much like I have any other negative thought. I will work to remind myself once again that I am capable of doing anything I want. The goals I have now are in line with the things that I think I am good at and that I have a passion for. I finally have goals that I’m not willing to give up on. They are things that matter to me enough to fight for. A negative voice from my past is not going to keep my dreams from happening anymore. It is time for me to leave this event and the voice in the past where it belongs. In writing it out and sharing the story I can finally toss it out like the trash it is.

But as I said at the start of this entry, I want this blog entry to be more than just a tale of my discovery. I want it to stand for the impact people have on us and that we have on others. Whether it is an off-handed comment or something bigger you do not know what effect it will have. So if we are going to play a role in someone else’s life why not choose to play a positive role. Be one of the many that put a positive spin to things. Be someone that makes the choice to support and love others. I know it sounds cliché but the more positivity you put out there the more it comes back to you. In the last nearly two years that I have actively been working to be a more positive person I have been repaid with more joy, happiness, love and even just good things coming into my life than I could have imagined. It’s not always easy but I do believe it is worth the work. If everyone decided to offer a hand or support to someone think how much nicer this world would be. Think how great it feels when someone does something nice even if it is just as small as a smile or a wave tossed your way. We can change the world if we all put our voices together.

The More You Know

Even though I have yet to master the art of regular blogging I have always tried to blog the major changes in my world, those events and decisions that most strongly impact my life and so I feel obligated to record my latest decision. I will admit that I’m a little nervous at how people will react to it because it seems to be a topic that gets people talking. I have made the decision to work towards becoming a vegetarian, well actually a part time vegetarian at least for now. I actually heard a term while watching something that totally made sense, a weekday vegetarian and so that is what I’m going to work towards.

I have always believed that knowledge is power and I have been trying to increase my knowledge of all things food related to help me along my weight loss journey. I have been reading and watching as much as I can on various topics and the more I do the more interested I get. Food, food science, farming and even just cooking it are amazing and interesting topics to me. I do take everything I hear and read with a grain of salt and try to keep a skeptical mind about the information being presented. I know everyone has a bias and a point to prove which of course slants things. All that being said the more I learn about where my meat comes from the harder it is for me to stomach which is why I have decided to start to make some changes.

The ideas of vegetarianism or even veganism are not new to me. I have friends that practice both and I have learned a lot in trying to cook for them when I have people over to the house or when I have been privileged enough to eat at theirs. I started to realize that there are a lot of great foods and flavours out there that I would never have considered…in fact I actually prefer my vegan chili to my meat chili. Shocking I know. I’m lucky enough they are also pretty patient with my random questions so it has allowed me to be curious.

Over the last year maybe a little bit more I have considered the idea of turning into a vegetarian on several different occasions but never felt I could commit to it. The perfectionist in me kept saying if you can’t do it all the way then why do it at all. I know that I love my dairy and my steak (and really my meat in general) and giving it up just didn’t seem like it was possible. Again though the more I learned the more I realized that my thinking was a little foolish. As I learned about the impact eating meat has on the environment and heard lots of people say that even small changes make a difference I realized that I could do some small changes and cut meat out of my diet on a few days. I began to really accept that I can give myself permission to make the changes and yet still hold on to some of what I love and don’t think that I’m ready to give up yet. Then I heard the term weekday vegetarian and was sold. It is someone that doesn’t eat anything with a face during the week but on the weekend if you choose to you can. It made sense to me.

So now with this new concept in my head I have set the goal to be vegetarian Monday to Friday and am beginning to work towards that goal. Since I don’t have a lot of vegetarian or vegan recipes handy I have decided for the month of April to start with at least one day a week. This will help me build my recipe repertoire and ease me into a new way of eating and thinking about food. Then starting on May 6 (yes my birthday) I will begin to do it 5 days a week. I’m really excited about this change and I know everyone will ask so here are a few of the reasons why I have made this decision.

1. Health benefits. I have been trying for years to get more vegetables into my daily food choices for all the benefits that come with that. I know that in adding more vegetables into my life it will also help with my overall weight loss goals which will have a direct impact on my overall health.

2. The animal lover in me feels horrible about the way our meat is treated before it comes to our table. I have images in my head that I can’t ignore now that I have seen them and it really has made meat lose some of its appeal.

3. Getting to be creative with food again. I love cooking and I love the fun of trying to create new foods and learn new recipes to love. Of course if nothing else this will give me more things that I can cook for my friends so I don’t always feel like I’m making the same things all the time.

4. A new challenge. I love the idea of finding a new way to challenge myself and my beliefs. I have always thought of myself as a meat and potato kind of girl but maybe it is time for that to change.

5. Lower my carbon foot print. Ok so I have often joked that I have to be extra good at home to care for the environment because of the amount of paper we go through at my job. When I started to realize how much energy goes in to creating a pound of meat I was blown away. Do I think that by me changing my diet that the world will change? No of course not but I do think that if I can do my part it helps keep my own imprint on this earth a little less.

So there you have it. Whatever it will bring my way the decision has been made. I’m not sure if it will be forever but I am willing to commit to it for now. Who knows maybe it is the step in I need to go completely vegetarian which is a possibility even if I don’t think it is totally doable yet.