Happy Thanksgiving

It is that time of year again where people are planning big dinners and being thankful for the things in their life. This year Thanksgiving has actually left me feeling a little guilty. I got my first dinner invite a few weeks ago and they have kept coming but I have turned each one down. I decided I wanted to not do anything for this long weekend. After many weeks of running around and being busy the thought of a quiet weekend at home watching dvds, reading, writing and scrapbooking is calling my name. So that is what I have planned, complete with a homemade pizza with all my favourite toppings and a bottle of wine that I got out in BC. Of course it goes against the idea of holidays, which I have always felt should be spent with family (either our own or the ones we choose to be our family) which is probably why I am feeling guilty.

I am also feeling a little selfish for choosing to spend this holiday alone. I will admit that part of me is scared of any food centered holidays right now. It seems like I have only just been getting my weight loss under control again and there is a lot of fear that this day would completely derail me. I know it is an irrational fear and that had I prepared and planned I would have made it through the weekend without going off track. I know this day shouldn’t be about food but it is. I mean most of my Thanksgiving memories revolve around food, whether it was the year we had to have spaghetti because the turkey wasn’t thawed or last year when I made my first pumpkin pie. Thanksgiving more than any other holidays is about food, especially in my family. I guess I just wasn’t feel strong enough or confident enough to face that this year. I hope you will all forgive me this little bit of selfishness as I go through the process of changing my mindset and habits around food.

All this being said I am feeling guilty. I love all my friends and family that have invited me to share in their Thanksgiving dinners. I write this blog in hopes you will all understand that I have not turned you down (and in some cases said I was going to other dinners) because I don’t want to be with you but because I needed to be with myself this year. I know I probably could have just said this to all of you and you would have understood but I hate to disappoint anyone. I truly hope you will all understand and know that although I avoided this year’s Thanksgiving it has been done so that I can give you many more when I can appreciate the day as a time for being thankful rather than a time for eating turkey until it hurts.

I hope that all my friends, family and other readers of this blog have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am thankful to have you all in my life. I look forward to spending many more holidays with you. I promise that this will be the only holiday I skip out on. Life is too short to avoid them forever but know that although I am not at your tables you are all in my heart.

Happy Thanksgiving.