A Spinning Mind

Ever have one of those weeks where you brain won't stop spinning? A week where the thoughts just race around and around your mind not really getting anywhere but not leaving you alone either. This week has been like that for me. Normally I can deal with spinning thoughts by writing them out in my pen and paper journal, however this week even that hasn't seemed to help. I think the problem is that the three major things I'm working on changing are all the causes of the spinning thoughts. (For those of you who don't know, the three major things that I'm trying to change are my weight, my debt and my career) If it was just one issue at a time it would be way easier to sort out and deal with, especially since my three areas all end up overlapping the other.

I have come to a stand still with my weight loss. I'm bouncing all around 30 pounds down but can't seem to hit 35. I have blamed it on the summer blahs but I know that I can get through it I just have to get my head screwed on right. I am setting some plans in motion that should hopefully get me back on track. I think the biggest thing is deciding to get a pass for the summer for roller skating. I know it seems silly but it is so much fun and it is a great way to get some exercise in. I'm glad to have found something that is so much fun. I want to be down 50 pounds by the end of August and I think that roller skating may just help me get there. I also think the fact that I can officially do 5kms on my treadmill will also help. Doing 5k this week was probably the highlight of my week. It took me 1 hour and 10mins to do but I know that next time i can do it faster. I'll tell you it did feel amazing to go downstairs and hop on my treadmill thinking I will do 5k and actually do it. I have been saying for awhile that I was going to do 5k and have always given up on pushing for it. There is nothing quite as great feeling as achieving something you set your mind to. Now I just have to focus on that and stop the thought that I can't lose weight in the summer from spinning around.

When it comes to my debt I just feel like I'm going no where. This of course is not actually the case because my debt is going down but it is taking longer than I want it to. I have been thinking about all the different options I have to be able to fix it sooner. The easiest would be to get a part time job, but the problem with that is that I lose out on some of the time I need for being able to work out, not to mention the last time I was working two jobs I got super cranky and gained a bunch of weight. Another option is to keep going at the rate I'm going and just take longer to get out of debt. This is likely what I will have to do but it sucks. I want to get rid of my stupid interest payments...I'm tired of paying extra money for the stupid stuff I spent my money while I was at school and Wal-Mart. My last option that i have been thinking about is the hardest one for me, but the one that might be the most logical solution and that's talking to Dad. Dad keeps offering to help me on little things like my tooth bill or going back to school, so maybe he would be open to lending me some money so I can get rid of the interest and just pay him back. Of course the problem with this solution is that I have to tell dad that I haven't always been so good with my money. Money is such a big deal to my dad and has always been a source of most of our fights that this is not an easy thing to do. Ultimately today I think that I came to a decision though, I think I will keep on with my plan until the fall or Christmas and then depending on how things look maybe create a plan that I can show dad. I know that the sooner I get out of debt the better off I will be.

The last of my spinning thoughts in the hardest...work. Work has been on my brain a lot this week. Although it was a short week at work with Thursday off for Canada Day it was a very long week. It looks like a new position may be opening up and people keep asking me if I'm going to apply for it. There would be good and bad about changing jobs but I'm not so sure it is worth my time moving from one admin job to another. The possibility has got me thinking though. I am trying to figure out how I need to move forward to be able to do what I want, not to mention to be able to find something that will make me happy. I'm so used to thinking like a writer, with a beginning, middle and end in mind, that not knowing the steps is a bit of challenge for me. My brain just keeps going over all the options and all the possible outcomes from each option. I don't normally let myself play what ifs because they are a waste of time but for whatever reason I'm stuck in a big giant 'what if' loop.

Oh well I have lots more thinking to do. I think the time is coming to turn off my brain and start acting though. Decision are needing to be made and it's time I get to it.