When All the Balls Fall to the Ground

Today was a bit of a train wreck of self destruction. I'm working on two major goals, to lose weight and to get debt free, and I gave up on both of them today. The reality is I felt this coming on throughout the week and I probably could have avoided it by coming home after weight watchers rather than going grocery shopping, but I think as much as it sucks I needed today.

When everything slips out of my grasp it works to remind myself exactly what I want. There is something about just letting go completely to remind you just how much you really want the goals you have set for yourself. In the past a day like today would have meant the complete abandonment of everything and a horrible spiral back to my old ways. The good news is that is not the case this time. I plan to get up in the morning with a renewed sense of purpose and drive. I will get back on my budget and get back on working out and tracking my food. I guess what I want to say is just because all the balls fall to the ground doesn't mean you can't pick them up again. Sure you might have to hunt for the one or two that have rolled under the couch, but it is possible to pick them all up and toss them in the air again.

I do think I realized one thing though, I need to stop telling myself I can't do things. I think this collapse was a result of a week of arguing with myself about everything. I was getting fixated on what I shouldn't be doing. I started to tell myself I can't have this and I can't do that. As soon as I say I can't I get fixated on it and it becomes all I want, even to the point of self destruction. I know this about myself but unfortunately it is a lesson that I keep having to learn. The good news is I think that I get better at dealing with the lesson each time it rears its ugly head.

I know that I often talk like I'm giving advice, but here's the thing, I'm not. When I write I'm telling myself the things I want to hear and need to hear. I hope that in writing it down and sharing it with the world of cyberspace it will stick in my brain. If anyone gets anything out of this blog I'm thrilled for you but the honest truth is this is my therapy. I have a hard time opening up to people about what is going on in my brain but writing it here gives me an open forum. I become another anonymous voice in cyberspace babbling away like a crazy person. It's a strange world we live on, anyone can be a writer and have readers all thanks to the world of blogging. Since I was a little girl I've always wanted to be a writer and thanks to the love and support of my friends I have gotten that chance. It just shows that all goals can come true, even if it is not quite how we imagined them.