This weekend was a fun filled weekend of celebrating. I decided to celebrate my birthday early and so invited everyone to join me in rollerskating and a potluck. It turned out really well. Out of this weekend I did discover that not everything you once knew comes back like riding a bike. LOL. The last time I roller skated was probably 19 years ago. I remember racing around the rink, sure you fell down but you could go and it was easy. Now not so much. Skating was a challenge for me, but it was still just as much fun as it was when I was a kid. So I have a new plan...I'm going to get good at skating. It was an amazing work out (my legs still hurt today, two days later) and it was so much fun it would be easy to use it as a form of activity. Anyone else that is thinking about going roller skating here is my advice...
1. Work on your leg strength (mine was not so great so while skating my legs would shake and let me tell you this does not help with your balance)
2. Remember your sense of humor (god knows if you can't laugh at yourself you might as well not bother)
3. Don't pay any attention to anyone else, especially the little kids (it just makes you feel old and even more un-coordinated...hehehe)
4. Lastly remember to have fun because ultimately that is what it is all about.
These four little things do not only apply to rollerskating but really any activity that you take on...well at least the last three. Just because we are adults does not mean we have to stop having fun. I have spent so much of my life doing what is expected of me and what is the right thing. These are not always the fun things and I think I have finally realized that life is way more exciting and way more fun if I just do what I want.
I have a piece of butcher paper on the back of my bedroom door on which I write different quotes or ideas or goals. I was looking at it last night and one thing jumped out of me. Last year around my 30th birthday I wrote that my 20s were for growing up and figuring my life out and doing the things I need to do to survive. I vowed that my 30s would be different. My 30s are going to be about doing things for myself. Finding the happiness inside and doing the things that make me who I am. This last year has been a gradual push towards these ideas. I'm finally comfortable with who I am, I know what I want and now I am finally doing the steps I need to in order to get everything I have always wanted.
So many people I know right now our struggling with different things and I just want you all to remember that we only have one chance at life. Yes bad stuff happens but if you let it get to you more bad stuff will happen. I think negativity is an easier way to live. There is always bad stuff going on and around us. You can always find things you don't like and it's real easy to let negativity surround us. But I will tell you, and I have before, since I started to choose a more positive outlook things have been great. Yes I still have bad days (again because negativity is easy) but overall I am feeling great. I can have fun again without feeling guilty about it. Nothing is going to stop me anymore. I may not get everything I want tomorrow but I know that I will get everything I want in time. So let your inner child take over for a day or even an hour. Life will look brighter and even if you aren't lighter physically you will feel lighter mentally :-) Positivity is a choice so you just have to make the choice to be happy.
A journey in accepting myself for who I am now while working on making myself into the person I see in my future.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Decluttering and organizing
It is amazing how so many seemingly different things all have the same effect on a person. Since January I have been working hard on organizing my finances as well as making my weight loss a priority. This weekend I started the long process of decluttering my house and getting it looking good for my party next weekend, as well as giving me some extra space. As always when I'm doing random things my brain tends to wander and I started to realize that each of these three things are all sort of tied together, only I didn't really realize it until now.
Last year when I was 405 pounds I didn't care that the house was a mess. It was easier to ignore it then it was to clean it. The effort required to make my body bend and lift and move things around was to great and made the task of cleaning the house seem impossible. Although it was driving me nuts, I just put up with the clutter. At the same time it was easier to spend money then it was to save. Why save it when I could just buy another movie or more junk food or fast food (the three things I spent the majority of my money on before tracking). Those three things would let me feel better and escape reality a little.
So what changed? Well if I think about the timeline of my life in the last year it all starts with my weight loss. As soon as I started losing weight things like my debt and the clutter in my house started to frustrate me. It's hard to get excited about something like losing weight when everything else felt so crazy. It is also hard to keep making one part of you life better and change nothing else. So with the positive momentum of my weight loss it was time to turn my sites on my finances. With the help of the show 'From Debt do Us Part' I finally figured out how to make my money work. The first few weeks were a bit tough but then when i started seeing the difference in my debt and in my savings and chequing account. Those changes started to feel really positive as well. Again using the positive feelings of accomplishing other goals it became easier to start to think about making a difference in my surroundings. So I started cleaning at first just the basics, but now I'm in full on deep clean mode. I spent this weekend moving, rearranging and boxing stuff up. I'm getting more space and feeling great about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this is sometimes all it takes is one change to start the ball rolling on getting everything you want. I watch so many of my friends trying to change their lives all at once and wondering why they can't get it figured out and I think sometimes we just try to do too much at once. I know that has been my issue in the past. I don't know if it's right or wrong but it's working for me. Each step seems to lay itself at my feet when the time is right and I just keep going with it. The best part is the more positive stuff I let into my life the more positive my outlook becomes. Even when things are going wrong and seem really negative I can change it and frame it so that it does not effect me as much. For the first time in a long time I'm starting to feel like myself again.
Last year when I was 405 pounds I didn't care that the house was a mess. It was easier to ignore it then it was to clean it. The effort required to make my body bend and lift and move things around was to great and made the task of cleaning the house seem impossible. Although it was driving me nuts, I just put up with the clutter. At the same time it was easier to spend money then it was to save. Why save it when I could just buy another movie or more junk food or fast food (the three things I spent the majority of my money on before tracking). Those three things would let me feel better and escape reality a little.
So what changed? Well if I think about the timeline of my life in the last year it all starts with my weight loss. As soon as I started losing weight things like my debt and the clutter in my house started to frustrate me. It's hard to get excited about something like losing weight when everything else felt so crazy. It is also hard to keep making one part of you life better and change nothing else. So with the positive momentum of my weight loss it was time to turn my sites on my finances. With the help of the show 'From Debt do Us Part' I finally figured out how to make my money work. The first few weeks were a bit tough but then when i started seeing the difference in my debt and in my savings and chequing account. Those changes started to feel really positive as well. Again using the positive feelings of accomplishing other goals it became easier to start to think about making a difference in my surroundings. So I started cleaning at first just the basics, but now I'm in full on deep clean mode. I spent this weekend moving, rearranging and boxing stuff up. I'm getting more space and feeling great about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say with all of this is sometimes all it takes is one change to start the ball rolling on getting everything you want. I watch so many of my friends trying to change their lives all at once and wondering why they can't get it figured out and I think sometimes we just try to do too much at once. I know that has been my issue in the past. I don't know if it's right or wrong but it's working for me. Each step seems to lay itself at my feet when the time is right and I just keep going with it. The best part is the more positive stuff I let into my life the more positive my outlook becomes. Even when things are going wrong and seem really negative I can change it and frame it so that it does not effect me as much. For the first time in a long time I'm starting to feel like myself again.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A Great Week and Weekend
I'm currently in a great mood. I went to bingo today with my sister and for the first time in my life I actually won something. I got to yell bingo and I won $70. I know it's not a tonne of money but it was so much fun and so worth it. I realized I was only 1 number away and showed my sis, then she saw the number come up and pointed it out to me because she is always just ahead of me when it comes to the numbers. I started shaking and had to wait for them to call the number so I could say bingo. Of course you are supposed to hold your card up in the air but do you think my fingers would work to pick it up. LOL. It is amazing how quickly you brain shuts off and adrenaline kicks in.
Anyway enough of that. This week was a good week. I worked out every day except Thursday. I even managed to get in two work outs almost every day. It felt really good although Friday my abs were sore but I figure that is because I didn't work out on Thursday. The work outs didn't show up on the scale this week but I know that I felt great so I can wait to see the results. I am feeling more powerful and lighter. It is getting easier to move my body and to do some of the exercises on my dvds. It is easy to keep pushing when I focus on the small things like my energy being up or being able to jump for some of the exercises. I think that has been the biggest boost this time around, it's the fact that rather than fixating on a number I'm focusing on the little things I accomplish. The reality is that in the end it is all the little things that matter because every big thing is made up of many little things. When people ask me for advice about staying motivated this is what I have started to tell them. It's good to have a big goal in mind but the little goals are what are going to get you there. Also getting to cross off lots of little goals is a total boost to your self esteem. It really does help prove to yourself that you can accomplish things. :-)
Anyway enough of that. This week was a good week. I worked out every day except Thursday. I even managed to get in two work outs almost every day. It felt really good although Friday my abs were sore but I figure that is because I didn't work out on Thursday. The work outs didn't show up on the scale this week but I know that I felt great so I can wait to see the results. I am feeling more powerful and lighter. It is getting easier to move my body and to do some of the exercises on my dvds. It is easy to keep pushing when I focus on the small things like my energy being up or being able to jump for some of the exercises. I think that has been the biggest boost this time around, it's the fact that rather than fixating on a number I'm focusing on the little things I accomplish. The reality is that in the end it is all the little things that matter because every big thing is made up of many little things. When people ask me for advice about staying motivated this is what I have started to tell them. It's good to have a big goal in mind but the little goals are what are going to get you there. Also getting to cross off lots of little goals is a total boost to your self esteem. It really does help prove to yourself that you can accomplish things. :-)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Mood Rebounded
Well my mood has bounced back. I'm feeling way better about everything that has been going on. I don't have any solutions but I have decided to make the best of everything right now. I'm going to focus my energy on working out and creating some vacation budgets rather than on any negativity I'm feeling. I have made a lot of positive changes and I will not throw them all away because I had a bad week.
My bad week did show up on the scale as I knew it would. I was up three pounds this week. It didn't effect me as much as it used to when I gained, maybe because going in I expected it. So my goal this week is to once again make sure I get a work out in every day. I can't let myself be dragged back into bad habits because things aren't going the way I want them to.
Anyway just a short update. Now it's time to watch a few more movies before heading to Rosebud tonight to see some theatre. Once again Happy Easter everyone.
My bad week did show up on the scale as I knew it would. I was up three pounds this week. It didn't effect me as much as it used to when I gained, maybe because going in I expected it. So my goal this week is to once again make sure I get a work out in every day. I can't let myself be dragged back into bad habits because things aren't going the way I want them to.
Anyway just a short update. Now it's time to watch a few more movies before heading to Rosebud tonight to see some theatre. Once again Happy Easter everyone.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
So Glad This Week Is Done
Well it's not Saturday but it was either write or eat the last of the sugar cookies I made for work and I figured writing was the better choice. This week has been the most emotionally and physically draining week I have had in a long time. It has been a struggle even to get my butt out of bed and working out well that certainly hasn't been up to my usual standards. I have never been so glad for a weekend as I am for this one. The best part is I have three days to relax and figure out how to make things easier.
I know some of you are probably wondering why my week was so bad and the simple truth is I don't really have an answer. I think I just need a break or a change or something in my life. I am starting to realize why I love writing though. When you write fiction if characters frustrate you, you can fix them. If you want something you can write it. Fantasy is so much easier than reality. LOL. Of course in a lot of ways I play a character in life. I think that is the hardest part of everything right now, I'm tired of playing a role. I want to be me, but me doesn't work...well at least not in some places. The harder I try to do things the right way, the worse things get so it makes me wonder why I even bother. So I keep playing a role until it cracks and then I seal up the cracks and go a little longer. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to be something you aren't all the time? It's like walking on egg shells all the time, or like walking through a house of mirrors and not sure when you are going to run face first into one. I guess if you think of it that way it is no wonder I'm tired. The worst part of everything is I'm spending half my time wishing for the past. The funny part about that is the past wasn't really any better it just seems easier compared to how things are now. The only thing I know for sure is I have to find a constructive way to deal with all this extra negativity that is sneaking into my world because if my mood stays this way I will not get very far on my weight loss or any other goals in my world.
The good news is it's the weekend now and with that random nonsense rant out of the way I think I have let all the stuff out of my mind which means I should be able to have fun. I'm off to a good start having spent two hours laughing tonight, which was very much needed. For those of you who like me may be in the mood for some carefree movie viewing check out Hot Tub Time Machine. I know it seems silly but it is actually quite funny. Now I will spend the rest of my weekend watching John Cusack movies ;-). He is always good for a chick flick or two :-) I hope that you all have a very good Easter. I will update my weight on Saturday and if my mood has picked up I will write a more positive entry.
I know some of you are probably wondering why my week was so bad and the simple truth is I don't really have an answer. I think I just need a break or a change or something in my life. I am starting to realize why I love writing though. When you write fiction if characters frustrate you, you can fix them. If you want something you can write it. Fantasy is so much easier than reality. LOL. Of course in a lot of ways I play a character in life. I think that is the hardest part of everything right now, I'm tired of playing a role. I want to be me, but me doesn't work...well at least not in some places. The harder I try to do things the right way, the worse things get so it makes me wonder why I even bother. So I keep playing a role until it cracks and then I seal up the cracks and go a little longer. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to be something you aren't all the time? It's like walking on egg shells all the time, or like walking through a house of mirrors and not sure when you are going to run face first into one. I guess if you think of it that way it is no wonder I'm tired. The worst part of everything is I'm spending half my time wishing for the past. The funny part about that is the past wasn't really any better it just seems easier compared to how things are now. The only thing I know for sure is I have to find a constructive way to deal with all this extra negativity that is sneaking into my world because if my mood stays this way I will not get very far on my weight loss or any other goals in my world.
The good news is it's the weekend now and with that random nonsense rant out of the way I think I have let all the stuff out of my mind which means I should be able to have fun. I'm off to a good start having spent two hours laughing tonight, which was very much needed. For those of you who like me may be in the mood for some carefree movie viewing check out Hot Tub Time Machine. I know it seems silly but it is actually quite funny. Now I will spend the rest of my weekend watching John Cusack movies ;-). He is always good for a chick flick or two :-) I hope that you all have a very good Easter. I will update my weight on Saturday and if my mood has picked up I will write a more positive entry.
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